HOW many people in full-time employment look forward eagerly to their last day at work? How many regard it with apprehension?
Helen Calder, who retired ten years ago as executive director of finance and services for the UK Evangelical Alliance, is now a consultant and author of the course Retiring Well. She estimates that, of the people she has spoken to, in all walks of life, “at least 40 per cent are really anxious. Probably another 40 per cent can’t wait to get there.”
For members of the clergy, she says, there are additional “significant challenges” to retirement. The preparation that the Church of England offers those approaching retirement varies from diocese to diocese, but tends to focus most on housing and pensions.
“I wish a lot of other employers did as much” on these issues, she observes. “However, I think [the Church] is coming at this as an employer, if you like, in the same way that a corporate or government employer might come at it. I only discovered how much wider the [social and emotional] ramifications were as I finished paid work myself and in the early years after that.”
The C of E’s policy document Supporting Clergy to Prepare for Retirement: Guidance for bishops and archdeacons suggests that all dioceses should run pre-retirement courses that consider the emotional implications of retirement, and that clergy have access to these courses several times in the run-up to retirement.
Amanda Thomas, a psychotherapist, is a diocesan counsellor for clergy and clergy spouses in the diocese of Southwell & Nottingham. She is also involved with the diocese’s pre-retirement courses, presenting a half-hour talk “identifying retirement challenges and joys”. The course allows clergy to book a 20-minute one-to-one session with her afterwards.
If necessary, the diocese will refer clergy, clergy couples, or spouses, for up to eight counselling sessions with Ms Thomas. “Sometimes, in the run-up to retirement, people do the course and then they say: ‘Actually, we could do with some work as a couple to think about how things are going to be,’ and I will work with them then.
“Quite often afterwards they’re still in touch with me. I had a couple who got back in touch with me, and they retired four years ago; I’ve started speaking to them again because they’ve just run into a bit of difficulty and they want to talk it through.”
Ms Thomas says that the diocese of Southwell & Nottingham “is a real advocate of people having access to counselling, and they are very generous as a diocese for that to happen.” This extends to clergy spouses, she says. “And lots of them do [come to see me] — not with their clergy partner, but just on their own — and we talk about the challenges and difficulties. I think it’s fantastic, because, at times, it can be tough, and I would say there is certainly an acknowledgement [of that] in this diocese.”
RETIREMENT is a “massive change”, she says, which can be stressful for both the individual concerned and their family. “There can be an assumption that everybody has the same hopes and dreams. I would say, don’t assume anything. Some people think that retirement is going to be great, and then it isn’t. They thought it would be lovely to have all this free time, but now they don’t know what to do with themselves, and they feel lost.”
Clergy, in particular, can be caught out, Ms Calder says. Clergy are often working 60 or 70 hours a week. Suddenly there is this gap in their lives, and they try to fill it too fast. “I say to people: ‘Beware. You may not see it coming, but this can be a challenge, and you may need some level of professional help.’” The Association of Christians in Counselling holds a list of counsellors, psychotherapists, and coaches/mentors.
Ms Calder’s advice to everyone is to take a break of several months, at least, after they retire, before they make too many decisions about what they take on next.
Ms Thomas encourages people to be curious, and open to possibilities. “You might have set views about how you see the next phase of your life, but the more open you are and the more flexible, the greater the prospect of happiness and well-being. Adaptability is really important.”
SOME people think of retirement as a new chapter, Ms Thomas says. Some might see it as an extension of a current chapter; others as a completely new book. In any event, she recommends that people regard retirement as a gradual process, “a journey and not a destination”.
Helen Calder, author of the Retiring Well course used by some churches
She advises people to take a sheet of paper and draw up three columns: the things that they are hoping for in retirement, or really look forward to; the things that they are anxious about, or fear; and, in the middle, a column for what she calls “considerations”.
“One hope might be to have more time for yourself, your family, and friends. There might be a bit of fear mixed in with that, too. Am I now going to be expected to do this or that because I’ve got ‘time on my hands’? So, your ‘consideration’ will be: How am I going to negotiate this?”
Retirement can occasion a sense of loss, she observes: of purpose, of identity, of responsibility, of status, of affirmation, of a community, of a team. That may entail a degree of grief — not only for the person retiring, but also for their partner, who may be experiencing their own loss.
Anger can be part of the grief cycle, too, she says, which is all the more difficult because “there are certain emotions we are not supposed to feel.”
For example, clergy can feel upset if their send-off was not what they had hoped for, she says. “They might not be able to say it to anybody else, but they feel, ‘It’s not fair. I worked for the Church for 40 years, and I didn’t even get a cake.’”
Some clergy couples the diocese refers to her just want to do a bit of brainstorming, to explore issues such as: “Where are we going to live? What do we need to downsize? What really matters?”
Occasionally, she says, people “really do get stuck” with the challenges of retirement. “With them, it is very similar to doing bereavement counselling, and that can take a bit longer. But most people just need a few sessions, and they might spread them out; they might have one or two to begin with, then come back later to sort some things out.”
Spiritual direction can be really important at this stage of life, Miss Calder says, (The London Centre for Spiritual Direction publishes a directory.) “So is a peer group of three or four friends . . . that you can journey with.”
CHRISTIAN life-coaches are another possible resource. Waverley Abbey’s website includes a directory of such coaches. While therapy and counselling focus on healing past wounds, and spiritual direction helps with navigating spiritual challenges, life coaching is “future-oriented and focuses on personal growth, goal-setting, and achieving desired outcomes,” says one such coach, Julie Stevens.
Mrs Stevens works with Christian clients to explore identity and purpose, including with professionals who are five years or fewer away from retirement. Currently, the “Vision. Focus. Flow” programme of 24 sessions which she offers over the course of a year is geared towards those leaving careers such as medicine, accountancy, and law.
The cost of about £6000 is “not going to be a problem” for people with six-figure salaries, she says, “but my guess is that it is not going to be within the reach of a diocese.” Programmes tailor-made for clergy pre- and post-retirement, however, are available.
Everyone’s experience of retirement is different, she explains. “Everyone has got something they are worried about, hopeful about, aspirational about. Sometimes, it just takes a conversation with somebody like me to bring it out. A lot of [newly retired] people will say, ‘No, I’m fine,’ but, when you start to dig a little, they’re actually feeling really unfulfilled, and don’t know what to do.
“There is an angst that they may not divulge to other people. This is where coaching is incredibly valuable, when people start to recognise that there is somebody that could help them to find that new path, that new bit of their ministry that God has given them for this later season in life.”
She acknowledges that not everyone approaching retirement will be saying “Right, what’s next?” “Some want to take life a bit easier. They know that God has got something in mind for them, but hope that it’s not too strenuous.”
It is, however, “very common” that people tell her “I took it easy for two years, but now, to be frank, I’m bored. I’m used to being with people, I’m used to doing things, and I want more.”
If a member of the clergy has been “constantly in service”, and has not had adequate pastoral support themselves to process their own faith and ministry journey, she suggests, “they may find they have lots of things that need unravelling.
“I coach quite slowly. I don’t expect anybody to have loads of answers all at once. In my 12-month programme, the first three months looks at dreams and aspirations and what they mean now. The next six months looks at purpose and identity.
“It takes time for someone to stop thinking in the way they’ve been thinking for 30 or 40 years. They need help, and, almost, permission to think differently.”
The issue of identity is key for many people approaching retirement who have had a leadership role, says the US-based life coach Gary Reinecke, co-author of Christian Coaching Essential: A quick-start guide to empowering others (Logan Leadership, 2023).
Mr Reinecke, who coaches online, has coached several clergy through the transition to retirement, and says that the ways in which people serve bleed into their identity.
Julie Stevens, a life coach
This means clergy often need “to establish who they are apart from what they do. A healthier narrative is rediscovering that you are valuable apart from what you do. . . Leaders are accustomed to being needed to perform services for a congregant or congregation. When a leader finds their value or significance or identity from being needed, they run the risk of feeling unimportant or insignificant when approaching retirement. . .
“Oftentimes, leaders need a season to rediscover their ‘first love’ [of Christ]. A leader like this is comfortable not being needed by other people to find their significance or identity.”
IF IDENTITY is rooted in Christ, Ms Calder says, “whether we’re ordained or not, as we finish paid work we need to be asking God to show us how he wants to use us in the next phase of life. If people don’t have purpose, they perish — that’s a given for everybody.
“Often, retiring clergy are told: ‘You have to wait six months, but then you can get a PTO, and you can be useful in your new church or diocese.’ Of course, they’re required to move, which is all part of the challenge.
“I encourage them to go back to basics, and ask, ‘Lord, how are you calling me specifically in this season of life?’, and reflect on that over a period of time. It might be doing things that only a priest can do, or it might draw more widely on the experience they have had.
“I encourage clergy to think more broadly about how they can be salt and light, more in the world than in the church setting in which they operated before. Our grandchildren, too, can be part of our calling, and supporting family and friends.”
She also advises people to pace themselves, and to make sure that they are not doing too much for the season of life that they are in. “How much time do we give to active service? I hate it when retired people say, ’I don’t know how I ever found time to work!’ As we age, we have less energy, and our minds slow as well.”
Retiring Well seeks to “give people the principles”, she says. “They have to do the thinking themselves on what their retirement jigsaw should look like, and what the balance of service and relaxation should be. I’m not aware of anything as extensive as this in either the secular or the Christian world.”
The Retiring Well course can be delivered as a residential retreat, in one-to-one mentoring, or in a group — “preferably facilitated, over a period of months” — using two workbooks, Preparing for Retirement and New Patterns of Living in Retirement.
In this third option, she says, the only expense is the cost of the workbooks. “There is time for the thoughts and reflections to marinate, and you feed off other people and their experience.” Most courses now are run by people in a church setting or in their own homes. Many people use the workbooks on their own.
helensheadlines.net/transitions-retirement-course
acc-uk.org
lcsd.org.uk/directory
waverleyabbeycollege.ac.uk/coach-and-mentor-directory
juliestevens.co.uk/coaching