YOU have got to hand it to President Trump. He thinks outside the box; indeed, he keeps jumping from one box to another. The Palestinians should all move out while he builds “the Riviera of the Middle East” in Gaza (News, 7 February). They can move back later, his aides correct him. No, insists the Donald, they’ll be gone for ever.
Most of the world, not least the Palestinians, think that this idea is preposterous. But they are not thinking imaginatively enough. Nor is President Trump. He should go further. Here is my own modest proposal, with apologies to Jonathan Swift. I call it “The No State Solution.”
Let’s start with the people. Both Israelis and Palestinians are known for their resilience and adaptability. So, why confine them to a tiny strip of desert — perhaps the most contested land on earth — when they could thrive in the underpopulated landscapes of America’s heartland?
Why not move all the Israeli Jews to Wyoming, one of the US’s most sparsely populated states? Wyoming offers wide-open spaces, minimal government interference, and plenty of land to build settlements without having to steal land from other people. With a Jewish population density of about one person per five square miles — much more elbow-room than they have in Israel — the whole state can be rebranded as New Judea, with the Western Wall relocated to Cheyenne, and Yellowstone Lake renamed Donald’s Dead Sea. A new Promised Land.
The Palestinians could all be fitted into North Dakota, a land flowing with oil (thanks to the Bakken oilfield) and honey (it’s the biggest producer in the US). The cold winters will be a refreshing change from the Mediterranean heat, and they can shift effortlessly from producing olive oil to canola. North Dakota has plenty of empty houses, abandoned in the 1980s farming crisis, which will afford a kind of right of return. And the new occupants of Wyoming will be relieved to know that they are all out of missile range from North Dakota.
Gaza, we know, is to be reborn as the Golden Dunes Casino and Golf Resort — thanks to the real-estate expertise of President Trump, whose previous ventures include environmentally damaging golf courses, bankrupt casinos, and failed universities.
But what of the rest of the now-empty Holy Land? Elon Musk can turn it into a gigantic theme park. Mr Musk previously said that he’s not very religious (though he prayed when his SpaceX Dragon Capsule splashed down in 2020), but now describes himself as a “cultural Christian”. Just right for the Holy Land equivalent of Disney World.
The man who is “dedicated to advancing humanity through technology” could offer Noah’s Ark water flumes, Tower of Babel drop rides, and Crucifixion VR for spiritual-seekers to experience the Passion from the comfort of a metaverse headset. The park could be staffed by hard-working illegal migrants from Mexico, who have been deported from the United States. A perfect solution all round.
Of course, there will be critics claiming that all the forced relocation of two entire populations is unethical or wildly impractical. But when has that ever held back visionary men of power? If history teaches us anything, it’s that unilateral solutions, imposed from above, almost always work out beautifully. And if not? Well, there’s always Mars.