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Have a go at the Church Times caption competition, and read the latest winner and top entries

by
25 October 2024

Have a go at our next caption competition (above). Send entries by email only to captioncompetition@churchtimes.co.uk by 9 a.m, Monday 4 November.

We invite readers’ ideas for photos: please provide a credit and confirm that those pictured are happy for the photo to be used.

Here is the winning entry for the previous competition:  

Diocese of WorcesterDiocese of Worcester

The “Senior Clergy Meet the People” programme had not got off to a good start (Michael Foster)

 

SOMETIMES, the explanation for low attendance at a service is quite simple:

“I wonder why we had only three in the congregation for matins?” (Bill de Quick); “That explains why there weren’t many people at the service” (Richard Hough); “We’re very outgoing here — but coming in is a different matter altogether” (Geoffrey Robinson); “And this is our new welcome sign!” (Arran Fearn).

Leaving a church or cathedral can be more difficult than entering:

The only way out is diagonally” (Sarah Brush); “The tentacles of Mayor Khan’s transport policies reach out to the most unlikely places” (Richard Strudwick); Jeremy was not used to moving around without a satnav” (Vicky Deasley).

Signs can be a good way of keeping out unwelcome visitors . . . though not always effective:

“I see another flying bishop has just landed. It’s too late for your sign” (Julia Norman); “The Bishop was quick to point out an unwelcome parishioner to the new church bouncer” (Rob Falconer); “Where is the tracker showing the whereabouts of the Archdeacon?” (Chris Coupe); “Do I really have to speak to hoi polloi?” (Paul MacDermott); “I don’t care if you’ve won ten games of rock, paper, scissors in a row, you’re still not coming in!” (Kelley Parker).

Innovations can be difficult to make work:

“We hoped this would keep the pigeons out, but it didn’t work” (John Appleby); “In beta testing, the bishop’s new money-saving robot cleric was proving legalistic about ‘No entry’ signs” (Martin Kettle).

Some other entries for readers’ amusement:

I hear you knocking, but you can’t come in” (John Saxbee); “Thank goodness they’re not allowing anyone to pass. The smell from this atomiser is dreadful!” (Patricia Watson); “All dressed up and nowhere to go” (Michael Doe);The church was known to be ‘High’, but many in the congregation were concerned when the chancel was renamed the presbytery and reserved entirely for the clergy” (Mervyn Cox); “It must have been about this big” (Colin Fielding) “Can’t you read? It’s my day off!” (Val Harris); “No, your name’s not on the list; you’re not coming in, OK?” (Robyn Rooney); “Alas poor Gorick, I knew him well” (Hugh Richards); “‘It’s a sign,’ he explained” (Jonathan Kimber) Whatever happened to accessible church?” (Valerie Budd); It’s amazing how much you can hide in a cope” (Brian Stevenson); “I wish to be alone” (Richard Strudwick); “I know it says ‘No Access’ but, if you ring the bell, the door will be opened to you” (Chaz Griffiths); Just tell them I am in the business of saving souls, not parishes” (Don Manley); As Romans 2 reminds us ‘ . . . through whom also we have access by faith. . . But everyone else can go round the long way!” (Donato Tallo).

“The bishop bought me this invisible yo-yo for my birthday” (Ken Wilkinson); “You do realise that once we’ve passed this point there’s no turning back?” (George and Marion Phillips); “In light inaccessible. . .” (John Radford); “If I chuck this over her, it might distract her and I’ll get past” (Ian Falconer); “What do you mean, the people think I’m unapproachable?” (Juliet Straw); “Never mind what the sign says. . . I’m telling you this is the way, the truth and the light” (Ian Raynor); We may not be moving forward very fast in the C of E, but at least we’re heading in the right direction!” (Jacky Tivers); “Clerics stumped by clue in the Cathedral’s new ‘Escape Room’ attraction” (Nick Baker); “Today’s anthem is ‘Fling Wide the Gates’” (Richard Woods); “A new alternative to the medieval chastity belt was given clerical approval” (Philip Deane); “No access? Who decided to deny entry to anyone not wearing a tie?” (Jo Mash).

The picture was taken at the farewell service for Dr Inge, which, contrary to the first captions, was, no doubt, very well attended. We wish the now former Bishop of Worcester a long and happy retirement.

As ever, the winner receives a prize of Fair­trade chocolate, courtesy of Divine Chocolate.

divinechocolate.com

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