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Have a go at the Church Times caption competition, and read the latest winner and top entries

by
24 May 2024

Tom Brossman 

Have a go at our next caption competition (above). Send entries by email only to captioncompetition@churchtimes.co.uk by 9 a.m, Monday 3 June.

Here is the winning entry for the previous competition:  

X/Liz TrussX/Liz Truss

After avoiding becoming the Easter Day dinner, and surviving the 50 days to Pentecost, the lamb was about to ruin Liz’s day by outlasting the length of her premiership (Philip Lickley)

 

IT HASN’T escaped our readers’ attention that a supermarket iceberg lettuce had a longer shelf-life than Liz Truss’s 49-day premiership:

“I’ve heard of Lamb’s Lettuce, but Lettuce’s Lamb is a new on me” (Catherine Thorp)*; Lettuce Prey” (Pauline Williams);Lettuce play!” (Brian Davies); Lamb: ‘Ooh, this lettuce looks very tasty’” (Chaz Griffiths); Lamb: ‘Couldn’t the lettuce make it?’” (Julia Fryer); No, you can’t eat my lettuce” (Paulette Yallop); “Thank the Lord I’ve found something to eat that lettuce” (Stephen Low); “Thought I was going to be served up with a side order of lettuce. . .?” (Stephen Hance); “Did you bring the lettuce? I’m feeling a bit peckish!” (Che Seabourne); Fortunately, my lamb doesn’t eat lettuce” (Janet Stockton); “A new variety of ‘Lamb’s Lettuce’ was being developed on the church allotments” (Chris Martin).

 

It’s not clear whether Ms Truss was at the church for religious purposes, or merely for a photo opportunity:

“Broken signpost, closed church, lost sheep . . . and Liz” (J.Allan Taylor); She’s even been ‘baarred’ from the church” (Claire Driver); “Liz Truss brings her re-election campaign to local churches. The flocks stay away, leaving her with the Lost Sheep” (Jo Mash); Despite not having much luck in growing the economy, Liz accepted the vicar’s invitation to help to grow the church’s congregation, and had already found one lost sheep” (Mervyn Cox); “She was pondering the words just heard in the church ‘All we, like sheep, have gone astray’” (Michael Foster); “Ladies and gentlemen, this lamb has only ten years to save the West — starting with the church behind me” (Nigel Harris); Did Liz Truss close down that church as well as the economy?” (Chris Coupe); The Truss meaning of Easter: abandoned lamb in arms of abandoned politician outside abandoned church” (John Radford).

 

Given many dioceses’ financial problems, who better to provide advice to turn things around?

“Trust me as this little lamb does, and I’ll transform the Church’s finances in ways you’d never imagine. Truss-t me” (Ian Falconer); “The latest discernment process had attracted a former PM, but the Trussonomics sermon wasn’t popular with the whole flock in this parish” (Paul MacDermott).

 

Unfinished business from her time as Food Secretary?

“Baa — first it’s pork markets. . . Let’s just stop there!” (Sheila Shepheard); “Off to the pork market — I know!” (Justin Scroggie); “I’ve just come back from Beachamwell — opening up new lamb markets!” (Nigel Harris); “I have just negotiated a trade agreement with China for . . . lamb!” (Brenda Stone); “We import our lambs. That . . . is . . . a . . . disgrace . . . except for our Lord!” (Jayne Entwistle-Thomas).

 

Some other entries that we enjoyed (space has not permitted us to print them all):

“Just when he thought he’d found a place where sheep could safely graze. . .” (John Saxbee); You’ve been baarking up the wrong tree dear!” (Fiona Drinkell); Salvation belongs to our God who sits on the throne and our lamb who is desperate to sit back on the grass” (Alison Woods); “I think Liz has misunderstood the meaning of trussed lamb” (Heather Baillie); Yes, I’m for the chop again” (Helga Brandt); “All things bleat and beautiful, the Lord God made them all” (Claire Johnson); Just saved another one to join our flock” (Wendy Preece); “Did someone say ‘mint sauce’?” (Peter M Potter); “Ecce Agnus Trussi” (Geoffrey Robinson); “Do you gambol?” (Bridget Swan); “Are you going to fleece me as well?” (Michael Doe); Talk about lamb to the slaughter” (Leslie Evans); “Truss me, I’m a politician. I won’t let go” (Andrew Hindley); “I so wanted to be the good shepherd, but nobody told me it was an interim position” (Richard Spray) 100!” (Ron Knott); You guessed right: 49 days” (Martin Kettle); Ex-Prime Minister’s special adviser revealed” (Jonathan Jeffrey); Like Maggie: no ewe-turns” (Carolyn Owens); “All right. I didn’t get the comprehensive trade deal with New Zealand I wanted, but at least I made a start” (Ray Morris); “The ex-PM’s smile said it all . . . tender lamb cutlets for dinner!” (Mark Parry); “Well, what option do you have when they say ‘Mum, my feet are killing me’?” (Eunice Owens); “I didn’t expect to be slaughtered this quickly” (Robert Shooter); There was no doubt Liz Truss had heartfelt sympathy for this lost little lamb, and hoped that one day she’d be ‘found again’, too — politically, in her case” (Lesley Cope); Don’t let her pull the wool over your eyes” (Brian Stevenson);I was about to sacrifice the lamb, but God provided the UK economy instead” (John Appleby); Lost sheep finds lamb” (Donald Wetherick); I tried to tell her that her economic policy was barking mad, but all she did was accuse me of bleating” (Paul Vincent)

As ever, the winner receives a prize of Fair­trade chocolate, courtesy of Divine Chocolate.

divinechocolate.com

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