Have a go at our next caption competition. Send entries by email only to captioncompetition@churchtimes.co.uk by 9 a.m., Monday 12 August.
Here is the winning entry for the previous competition:
Jan McFarlane
There’s your choice: white surplice or height surplus (Martin Kettle)
WE DID not expect so many of our readers to be viewers of the ITV game show The Chase, presented by Bradley Walsh, or with its professional quizzer Mark Labbett, known as “the Beast”, who stands at a towering 1.98 metres:
“Get off that box — you don’t fool anybody that you’re taller than me!” (Sue Chick); “When the Chaser spoke of a ‘higher power’, he was actually talking about their height difference!” (Nadia Shanahan); “The tall and the short of it . . . height was not one of the barriers” (Lorna Bradley); “She was surprised to hear that her first parish task was to test the lightning conductor” (Brian Stevenson).
Meeting the Beast in a cathedral might throw up some ethical conundrums:
“She’d always wanted to meet the Chaser, but never felt comfortable asking for the number of the Beast” (Philip Lickley); “They said to watch out for the Mark of the Beast” (Anthony Gore); “Yes I really am ‘The Mark of the Beast’!” (Polly Yallop); “What a Revelation: I saw the Beast and he was Markedly different to what I expected; he was such a gentleman!” (Chaz Griffiths); “She was reassured that, if need be, all she had to do was turn the number of the beast upside down to get help” (Lesley Cope); “And you’re absolutely certain you want hymn no. 666?” (Danny Proudfoot); “Mine eyes have seen the glory — but yours clearly haven’t” (Janet Chapman); “The Vicar was clearly infatuated and asked for the number of the Beast” (Valerie Ganne).
Just how wide does the Beast’s knowledge extend?
“Are you any good on theological questions?” (Chris Coupe); “You think you know a lot? Well, I know a guy who is all-knowing!” (Tammy Tudor); “‘I’m not accepting any questions on any religious subjects in the head-to-head with this one,’ says the Beast” (Steve Davies); “Mark my words. Labbett, you won’t be smiling at the end of the round” (Alison Woods).
Some other entries that amused us:
“Missed my chance in Paris for a race; I’ll have to make do with London for The Chase” (Angella Willis); “You have been caught by the Beast . . . attempting to conceal a quiz crib sheet up the sleeve of your surplice!” (Jo Mash); “When it comes to believing in God, as I say on The Chase, go with your gut!” (Helga Brandt); “Unfortunately, Madame Tussauds sent a model of the wrong Beast for the cathedral’s upcoming exhibition” (Jeannie Chamberlain); “Well, we could have the wedding reception here in the Chapter House, I suppose, but I think we’d do better at the King’s Arms” (Richard Hough); “The verdict on the new comfort seating in the cloister was about to be announced” (Michael Foster); “Congratulations were offered to the winner of the chase round the cloister” (Maree Foster); “No, Bradley, not that beast: it’s Mark Labbett” (Valerie Slatter).
“You look like a useful kind of guy to have around an ancient building. Can you open that door? No one has been able to shift it for 30 years” (Eve Johansson); “Behind every angel is a beast waiting to play!” (Jennifer Toal); “Lord, the beast from above not below” (Jacky Watson); “For goodness’ sake, don’t mention that the Bishop’s Discretionary Fund is paying for you to have a private physio, or all the clergy will want one!” (Ray Morris); “And I saw a Beast. . .” (Pearl Davison); “He’s my guardian angel” (Janet Stockton); “Oh my goodness, is that Jean Paul Gaultier you’re wearing?” (Paul MacDermott); “So that’s how they appointed the Dean at Lichfield Cathedral. For Jan, the chase is over” (Simon Court).
As ever, the winner receives a prize of Fairtrade chocolate, courtesy of Divine Chocolate.
divinechocolate.com