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Have a go at the Church Times caption competition, and read the latest winner and top entries

15 March 2024

Sarah du Bouley

Have a go at our next caption competition (above). Send entries by email only to captioncompetition@churchtimes.co.uk by 9 a.m., Monday 25 March

Here are the winning entries for the previous competition:  

Jane TurnerJane Turner

The sub-committee met to discuss the proposal to alter the altar (Michael Foster)


AS LIFE goes on, it can prove increasingly difficult to find a date to meet up with old friends:

“When shall we three meet again?” (Pearl Davison); “When shall we three meet again? Next week’s clergy training day!” (Sue Chick); “When will we three meet again, on Sunday, highlighted in green pen?” “When the Holy Communion’s done, when the Easter raffle’s won” (Jo Mash).

Working out what to have from the menu is not straightforward, either:

I’ll have the chow mein if you’ll share a rice with me, Jenny. We all have to sacrifice something and embrace austerity” (Fiona Drinkell); “As there’s nothing in the Bible to say it’s wrong, I’ll have extra pineapple on my pizza, please” (Jeannie Chamberlain); “The restaurant menu was impressive, but the Vicar thought it might be a little too expensive for the Mothers’ Union outing” (Richard Hough); “And I’ll have the loaves and fishes and a glass of the house red, thanks” (Connor Hansford).

Changes to the fabric of the building require careful thought:

“I still think you would need a faculty to remove that wrought-iron gate and open up this space” (Daphne Foster); “The Vicar and the remaining members of the PCC were considering replacing the 17th-century pews with seating made from sustainable wood” (Robin Morgan); “It says the rodding eye for the main drain is in the south-west corner. . .” (John Lee).

Last-minute tweaks to the service?

“Well, if I cut my sermon down to 30 minutes, and we have the shortened liturgy, then there’ll be time for us all to come to the rectory for muffins afterwards” (Michael Perry); “The words of Institution had been shortened to ‘You’re hired’” (Brian Stevenson); “In terms of the seating arrangements for Maundy Thursday’s service, let’s make sure we all get on the front row” (Paul MacDermott); “We can manage it without a choir, surely. We’ll call ourselves ‘Voces 3’” (William Petts).

Some other entries that we enjoyed:

“Sorry, my bad. The handbook does say we shouldn’t push rude visitors off the tower” (Philip Lickley); I just need this one sticker to compete my 100 Best of the Clergy book!” (Sheila Shepheard); The tipster says here: ‘Preacher’s Nightmare in the 2.45 Trinity Stakes at Cheltenham’” (Peter Walker); “Do you think these shoes will go with this dress?” (Bridget Johnson); Hi-Di-Hi chaplain explains the role to two aspiring Yellowcoats” (Michael Doe).

“I’m sorry, but Jane is quite right about the tiebreaker rules of tiddlywinks” (Gavin Williams); “There’s no need to wear a hi-vis jacket in church, Mrs Jones. You’re quite safe” (Brenda Stone); “But it doesn’t say anorak or cardy, does it? It says jacket” (Martin Kettle); “The high-level debate about the date of Easter was settled when the Vicar produced the lectionary” (Valerie Budd); “And at this point, the men go out and get the lunch ready” (John Appleby); “The document proves that the unexploded bomb is still buried under the chancel floor. Move, now!” (Mark Parry).

While the anorak was the right colour for Lent, Bishop Julie was appalled that the Revd Jane considered a highlighter pen for ‘Ordinary Time’ appropriate” (Andrew Greenhough); “It is a comma!” “No; it’s a semicolon” (Johannes Maertens); “Try as they might, they couldn’t fathom out the Synod decisions” (Chris Coupe); “Are you sure we are all singing from the same hymn sheet?” (Nick Baker); Look, it says here: turn right at the font; through the second arch and turn left, down the stairs that leads to the crypt. Oh, no! I think we’re in the wrong church!” (Lynda Sebbage); “Bishop Julie reads the February Synod questions” (Sam Wilson).

As ever, the winner receives a prize of Fair­trade chocolate, courtesy of Divine Chocolate.


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