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Have a go at the Church Times caption competition, and read the latest winner and top entries

10 May 2024

X/Liz Truss

Have a go at our next caption competition (above). Send entries by email only to captioncompetition@churchtimes.co.uk by 9 a.m, Monday 20 May.

Here is the winning entry for the previous competition: 

Lynda SebbageLynda Sebbage

The police have warned the public to be on the lookout for a very fast concertina thief (Valerie Ganne)


PERHAPS Ascension Day (or last week’s book review on the subject) has put our readers in mind of levitation:

“Showing the curate how to do the Ascension” (John Appleby); “No, Cedric, levitation is too advanced for an assembly on prayer” (Martin Kettle); “Levitation demonstrations have now been added to the portfolio for class visits” (Paul MacDermott); “Deanery Chapter concluded with a period of levitation, which some accomplished more successfully than others” (Adrian Mann).

Visits to primary schools are likely to bring out the inner child in clerics, or bring back memories:

“The new eco-twister was causing some confusion” (Andy Williams); “He was transported back to his younger days ‘Twisting the night away’, while the young lady ‘gingerly’ attempted the current craze of playing ‘Twister’” (Lesley Cope); “Let’s do the time-warp again” (John Radford); “The parish had entered a team for a junior Only Connect programme and needed help for the Wall” (Richard Hough); “During a break, the PCC cannot decide whether to play hop-scotch, granny’s footsteps, leap frog, blind man’s bluff, or duck, duck, goose, on the new play area carpet” (Robin Morgan); “In school assembly, as the ministers sang ‘All creatures great and small’, they leapt on to the ‘creepy crawly’ twister mat!” (Mark Parry); “The Vicar jumped for joy when his curate told him she had at last worked out what the game was all about!” (Geoffrey Robinson); “The clerical collar is clearly no impediment to childhood regression” (Richard Strudwick); “Entry to the nursery corner was reserved exclusively for the young at heart” (Michael Foster).

Some other entries that we enjoyed:

“She preferred to share the Peace with the post-Covid nod” (Michael Doe); “If I’d only brought the doves” (Jennifer Lawson); “Agadoo doo doo, push pineapple, shake the tree, Agadoo doo doo, push pineapple, grind coffee” (Rena Plumridge); “The interview process was bizarre: first, deliver a sermon using all the words on the board; second, cross the ‘river’ by not landing on any of the blue areas” (Valerie Budd); “Not quite a leap of faith?” (Chris Coupe); “As the PCC had vetoed spending any money on a seesaw for the crèche, everyone was having to improvise” (Jeannie Chamberlain); “Listen, Clara, I only wanted to help you to avoid the wasps!” (Eunice Owens); “The In-sect” (Chris Burbridge); “Welcome to the Bridge of Flies” (Peter Walker); “They successfully conned the Emperor by spinning invisible thread for his new clothes. Now they are strategic advisers in the Church of England” (Richard Grigson); “Spring is in the air” (Andrew Hindley); “Float like a butterfly and sting like a bee is this week’s assembly theme” (Vicky Deasley); “Clergies’ alpha-male antics and a supercilious matriarch amused the teacher, but not the Year Ones” (Dev Nallathamby); “Two bees or not two bees — is that the question?” (Gaynor Sanders); “My faith is this big!” “Mine is bigger; look, this big” (Robert Shooter); “Gangnam Style!” (Pearl Davison); “You’re supposed to remove the coathanger before putting your clothes on” (Ken Wilkinson); “The Reverend showed his contempt by putting the blackmail demand up on the wall” (Rob Falconer).

As ever, the winner receives a prize of Fair­trade chocolate, courtesy of Divine Chocolate.


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