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Have a go at the Church Times caption competition, and read the latest winner and top entries

01 March 2024

Jane Turner

Have a go at our next caption competition (above). Send entries by email only to captioncompetition@churchtimes.co.uk by 9 a.m., Monday 11 March

Here are the winning entries for the previous competition: 


So your Holiness, my latest film is called Papal Bull. . . (Andrew Carr)

(We did a sequel as well, Marty. It’s called Vatican 2 (Jon Soper)

WHAT do the Pope and an Oscar-winning film director talk about during a one-to-one meeting? “The Pope auditions for the title role in Scorsese’s new film” (Rob Falconer); “That’s agreed then, Mr Scorsese, that Brad Pitt will play me in your next biopic!” (Nick Baker); “I’m flattered by the offer of the lead part, Mr Scorsese, but a two-week package holiday in Sicily isn’t enough to tempt me” (Martin Kettle); “You can take the role of leading man; I can tell you’re seriously tempted” (Janet Stockton); “So, Mr Scorsese, you’re going to call your film of the life of Jesus Goodfella?”(Valerie Ganne); “Martin realised that his casting director had misdirected the email about The Godfather (Part IV) (Tim Goodbody); “For my next big picture, Your Holiness, I want you to be the GODfather!” (Julian Ashton); “I can try making a film about the Church, Holy Father, but it’s a bit too bloody for me” (Sam Wilson); “Yes, its a great story, a wonderful fantasy, but make a film of it? What idiot would believe it?” (Robert Shooter).

Some readers think that the Pope might have mistaken Mr Scorcese for a travel agent or timeshare salesman: “As you can see from the brochure, Your Holiness, while my Last Temptation of Christ was a bit of a disaster, I’m doing really well with my home for retired taxi drivers” (Kelley Parker); “It says here in your brochure that Rome is a good place to visit” (Peter Walker); “This brochure is only for Rome. I want to go somewhere else on holiday” (Susan Patel); “I don’t think a holiday to Sicily is on the cards any time soon” (Eric Jones); “Can you recommend a property suitable for a retired pontiff?” (Patrick Irwin); “I regret my diary does not permit me to accept any of the holidays on offer in your excellent brochure” (Richard Strudwick); “I’m sorry, but I really don’t think timeshare is for me” (Karen Bowman); “And you say that my money is safely invested?” (Rob Cotterill); “The Pope told the rep he’d definitely seen the holiday cheaper elsewhere — after all, he is infallible” (Philip Lickley); “Do I need to pack my Speedos for the cruise?” (Peter Sebbage); “A world cruise wasn’t quite what I had in mind as an Essential Habit for Living in Hope and Joy” (Valerie Budd); “Do the prices include papal discount?” (Chris Coupe); “I’d like this holiday, but why must I always pay a singles supplement?” (Michael Doe); “The Pope had always wanted to go on a river cruise, and wanted to see what was available” (Brian Stevenson); “I must say, this is the best timeshare deal I’ve seen so far” (Trevor Thurston-Smith); “After perusing the holiday brochure, the Holy Father settled on a fortnight in Benidorm in August” (Michael Foster).

Some other entries that we enjoyed: “We thought Your Holiness might be interested in our Drive-Thru Confessional range” (John Saxbee); “If we book right now, we will get a fabulous price for our cruise” (Victoria Riches); “Are you really offering me a free holiday in one of these places?” (Paul Brett); “Yes, but is there enough headroom for my mitre?” (Deborah Pettit); “You really should come and stay at the Vatican — we have plenty of space and very reasonable charges. There are all these places to see in Italy within easy reach” (Sue Chick); “Fly me to the moon? That’s a good holiday idea. I’ve already designed the launch vehicle, over there in the corner” (William Petts); “Your Holiness, it’s a pictorial A-Z of the Bible. I have another 25 volumes outside” (Lynda Sebbage); “Now, about your proposal to turn the east wing of the Vatican into luxury apartments” (Ann Brewer); “The Pontiff completed a proofread of the new Pope’s Holidays brochure” (Mark Parry); “I don’t mind about the sea view, but I do want a balcony” (Ruth Martin); “You see, Your Holiness, this is where they all go on Sunday mornings” (Thelma Martin); “All these delightful country parish churches — couldn’t we save some of them?” (Nicholas Varnon); “When His Holiness starts leafing through his holiday brochure, you know the audience is over” (Joan Workman); “The Holy Father spends a lot of time with the Vatican travel agent, poring over the brochures and deciding on his next holiday. For this summer, it’s a flashy resort in Ibiza: great beaches and a vibrant clubbing scene guaranteed” (Paul MacDermott); “Do I really have the time for a week in Marbella?” (Colin Fielding)

As ever, the winner receives a prize of Fair­trade chocolate, courtesy of Divine Chocolate.


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