Have a go at our next caption competition (above). Send entries by email only to firstname.lastname@example.org by 9 a.m., Monday 19 June
Here is the winning entry for the previous competition:
Diocese of BlackburnDiocese of Blackburn
Monarchists tell republicans to pull the other one (Michael Doe)
CORONATION DAY was more eventful than expected in some parishes:
“The competition for the last slice of Coronation Quiche was fierce” (Valerie Budd); “Wearing a coronation crown does not give one the right to dismantle church fittings!” (Eunice Owens); “Unfortunately, the Crown had become involved in yet another religious tug-of-war” (Mervyn Cox); “Coronation done, Charles and Camilla helped remove the Stone of Scone” (Alison Rollin); “Your Highness, we warned you! No reserved seating here!” (Clive Deverell); “I thought the bell would be in the Tower on Coronation Day, not being pulled through the Nave” (Patsy Cann).
“Over-enthusiastic bell-ringers on Coronation Day have a lot to answer for!” (Carol Pattrick); “The new bell-ringers have bags of enthusiasm, though their technique needs some work” (Philip Lickley); “This beats a tedious procession back to the Palace” (Anthony Tibbs); “One final heave, and the Coronation tug-of-war team’s secret aim of destroying the pews should be achieved” (Jonathan Haigh).
Buy who — or what — is on the other end of the rope?
“The opposing team were the flower-arrangers and proving tough competitors” (Brian Stevenson); “The primary-school tug-of-war team weren’t the push over everyone had expected” (Anthony Goodger); “The churchwardens on the other end of the rope thought they were winning” (Richard Hough); “We don’t stand a chance with Penny Mordaunt holding the other end of the rope!” (Charles Taylor); “Pull harder, God” (Robert Shooter); “Well, that’s got the donkey’s dodgy tooth out!” (Peter Sebbage); “Vicar goes to extreme lengths to drag reluctant wedding couple up the aisle” (Nick Baker).
“The archdeacon is due in 20 mins and we didn’t get a faculty for the statue, so PULL, everyone” (Janet Chapman); “In the wake of the Coronation, the Roundheads on the other end of the rope stood no chance against these staunch royalists” (Lesley Cope); “The republican churchwarden had to be persuaded to join the coronation tea party” (Michael Foster); “Will someone tell me what we're trying to pull out of the vestry? It’s the elephant in the room!” (Julian Ashton); “Behind the scenes, Charles and Camilla were pulling their weight: here seen hauling the Gold Coach out of storage” (Peter Chapman); “The congregation found their own unique way of removing long- winded preachers from the pulpit” (Alison Parry); “It was a community effort to get the new font in place” (Fiona Drinkell); “It took quite an effort to remove the Vicar” (Patrick Irwin); “Come along now, Harry, there’s a good little Prince into the Abbey” (Glyn Davies); “About time that we got rid of the tatty pulpit!” (Colin Fielding); “It had been quite a struggle, but at last the Fund-raising Committee were getting nearer to ousting their chairman” (Joan Workman); “The PCC had sacked the organist, but he was reluctant to leave” (Michael Watts).
The desire for church growth occasionally gets out of hand:
“Attempts to increase the congregation had reached desperate proportions” (Alison Woods); “The Vicar was keen to drag new members into the congregation” (Valerie Ganne); “When the Bishop suggested ways of bringing in new Christians, I didn’t think it would be quite like this!” (Lynda Sebbage).
Some other entries that we enjoyed:
“The APCM included a tug-of-war to decide the result of the elections to the Deanery Synod” (John Radford); “If only the guy at the back in the dunce’s hat would try harder” (Stephen Woodbridge); “Dio-HEEAAVE! Of Blackburn” (Jamie Bruce); “Crowned heads and roundheads with a long length of rope, Put the HEAVE into Heaven, and the HO into Hope! (John Saxbee); “Pull North-wards with all your might” (Janet Stockton); “The opposing team felt that Bishop P’s blessing of the rope gave his team an unfair advantage” (Hazel Rea).
“It was a novel way to decide whose Christmas service the Vicar took in the multi-church benefice” (Vicky Deasley); “In this parish, the pull of the church is as strong as ever” (Catherine Thorp); “The Advanced Bell-Ringing Course got off to a good start on Coronation Day” (Helga Brandt); “Bishop Philip’s faith in the power of the Crown was slipping” (Paulette Yallop); “Heave ho! Just imagine it’s the walls of Jericho” (Mary Cookson); “But the vicar was quite happy for the church to hold a Tug of Peace” (Rob Falconer).
As ever, the winner receives a prize of Fairtrade chocolate, courtesy of Divine Chocolate.