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Have a go at the Church Times caption competition, and read the latest winner and top entries

08 December 2023

Lambeth Palace

Have a go at our next caption competition (above)Send entries by email only to captioncompetition@churchtimes.co.uk by 9 a.m., Friday 15 December

Here is the winning entry for the previous competition:


One sees God looking backwards (3) (Don Manley)

Fido’s spirits rose when the preacher said the return of Jesus would be a cat-aclismic event
(Andrew Williamson)

NO PRIZES for guessing who this churchgoer’s favourite composer is: “One congregation member looks forward to the hymns of Johann Sebastian Bark” (Philip Lickley); “As the toccata and fugue neared the end, Johann Sebastian wondered when it would be his turn to bark” (Alison Hutchinson); “Fido was shocked to find that it was not, in fact, a Bark cantata he’d come to listen to” (Pearl Davison); I’ve been told off for joining in the Bach” (Michael Doe); “You’re just in time for Bach’s ‘Wachet auf, Wooft Uns die Stimme’ — followed by Wagner’s ‘Time for the Walkies’” (Chris Townsend).

It’s a challenging time for church attendance: “Hey, it’s good in here, and I count as two on the attendance book for this service — because I have four legs!” (Christine Brown); “I am here to make up the numbers” (Julian Whiting).

Special services for canine companions: “Is this the human-blessing service?” (Steve Dolby); “On behalf of the Canine Clerics’ Club, I welcome all visitors to our annual humans’ service — please do not deposit any mess on the floor” (Michael Foster).

Careful with your collar: “Oh, man, him up front has got my dog collar on again!” (Deborah Mcgreavey); “They are missing someone with a dog collar — here I am! I’ll be top dog!” (Julian Ashton); “Sadly, only those with proper dog collars were allowed to be up front” (John Saxbee); “How do you like my new Bishop’s-regulation diocesan harness? Better than a dog-collar eh? Woof, woof” (Terence Colling); “Benji couldn’t believe that, after all this time searching, this is where his old dog collar ended up” (Mark Hopkins); “I’ve been tricked by the church. They told me dog collars were on display. . .” (Ian Hobbs).

Some puns (it’s been a while since we had so many):Can’t wait for my favourite carol, ‘Bark! the herald Angels sing’” (Janet Bennett); “I’m an Anglicanine; so I always sit in the back row” (Jonathan Young); “Every ceremony should have moments for paws and reflection” (Alison Woods); “It’s a dog’s life in the Church of England” (Patrick Irwin); A cocker-pew?” (Charles Taylor); “Pews a good boy” (Julie Winward); I hope this week’s sermon isn’t another shaggy dog story” (Graeme Denman); Of course I’m allowed in . . . I’m a pew-dle” (Rob Falconer); “Clever chap that Abraham — going forth to the land of Canine!” (Mark Parry).

Some other entries: This cockapoo needs her own pew!” (Fiona Drinkell); “Fifi had heeded the gospel call to be alert, though the lert wasn’t a dog breed she’d heard of” (Sue Chick); Is that my feeding bowl up at the altar, or a collection plate?” (Brian Stevenson); Shhh, pay attention to what is going on at the front” (Ann Fitzpatrick);Fido was well trained in liturgical custom, and wore the correct coloured robe for the feast of St Simon and St Jude” (Richard Hough); “Fido tried to take the lead; but, sadly, despite wearing the correct liturgical colours for Christ the King, the answer was still ‘No!’” (Jane Sigrist); I do hope that the refreshments afterwards cater for all visitors” (Chris Coupe); “I have coats in all the liturgical colours” (Valerie Budd); The support dog was really proud of a new talent: hair colouring” (Vicky Deasley).

Yes, that Synod was a dog’s dinner. I’m off out” (James Paice); If a Roman emperor could make his horse a consul, I don’t see why the vicar can’t make his dog a churchwarden” (Ray Morris); “The visiting assistance dog seemed to enjoy cathedral choral evensong, and especially when it assisted the choir in Howells in G” (Mervyn Cox); Dog in crowded church says ‘I’m just here for the crumbs’” (Revd Jenny Welsh); “I’m waiting for the plate to come round, I’ve been promised sausages” (Rena Plumridge).

What time does the service end? I’m starving” (Colin Fielding); It was decided that latecomers to the service should be greeted by a friendly face” (Philip Deane); If you think I’m having my fur died green, you can think again!” (Lynda Sebbage); Dog is God spelled backwards; I don’t know much about religion, but that’ll do for me” (Andrew Berry); I was promised a treat. Is this it?” (Michael Watts).

As ever, the winner receives a prize of Fair­trade chocolate, courtesy of Divine Chocolate.


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