Have a go at our next caption competition (above). Send entries by email only to email@example.com by 9 a.m., Monday 13 February
Here is the winning entry for the previous competition:
Rod CorkeRod Corke
Dalmatic meets pneumatic (John Appleby)
EXCHANGING the Peace can be awkward at the best of times:
“The sign of peace comes in all shapes and sizes” (Richard Strudwick); “Exchanging the peace can be challenging at times” (Patrick Irwin); “Exchanging the peace at St Blobby’s risks putting the parson’s nose out of joint” (John Saxbee); “The sign of peace comes in all shapes and sizes” (Richard Strudwick); “The kiss of peace turned out to be much more difficult this week” (Richard Hough); “Vicar trials new form of sharing the peace” (Paul Vincent); “Local clergy try the new form of sharing the peace during a service” (Hilary Castle); “The new ministerial dress code for Lent, along with the revised procedure for sharing the peace, were being tried out” (Michael Foster).
Beware initiatives to make church services more seeker-friendly?
“Marketing the new midweek communion as Orange Wednesday” (Martin Kettle); “The Clergy and The Chocolate Factory was opening to rave reviews” (Justine Barnes); “The candidates were asked to demonstrate how they would breathe new life into a body with an inflated sense of its own importance” (Ray Morris); “I thought they were hiring Mr Blobby, not a squishy orange” (Deborah Mcgreavey); “Wippell announced their new cassock range inspired by the hit US prison drama Orange is the new Black” (James Betteridge-Sorby); “His plans to expand the congregation had taken an unexpected turn” (Alison Woods).
Tango can be a noun, a verb, or an advert:
“When Betty said she wanted to tango, this wasn’t exactly what she meant!” (Fiona Drinkell); “You know when you’ve been Tangoed by a C of E vicar” (Keith Hearnshaw); “Vicar refuses to wear the new liturgical strip sponsored by Tango” (Michael Doe).
Some other entries that amused us:
“The kiss of life is desperately needed after human Christingle is speared by four giant cocktail sticks” (Philip Lickley); “Despite spiralling costs, the production of The Love of Three Oranges went ahead” (Julian Ashton); “I hate to tell you this, but I think your Christingle has developed a puncture” (Daphne Foster); “In the Candlemas pageant, Mr Blobby had agreed to play Simeon” (Brian Stevenson); “The incumbent’s wife said this was the first and last time she’d dress as an orange” (Chris Coupe); “And, when he awoke, behold, it was (thankfully) just a dream” (Charles Taylor); “Ah, you are here to help me ‘orange’ things around here” (Aaron Milne).
“He hoped that the pumpkin would turn into a gold coach. Wrong story — he turned into a frog” (Valerie Budd); “Both were stuck for an answer” (Bill de Quick); “Where exactly did you leave your sumo suit?” (Marion Watson); “Rubbing noses didn’t quite work out as planned: instead of a prince, I got a priest — must be divine intervention” (Janet Bennett); “It was decided to celebrate St Valentine’s Day with a Kisstingle Service” (John Radford); “If we’d used the Sellotape instead of superglue, our noses wouldn’t be stuck together now” (Pearl Davison); “I’m sorry, but I haven’t seen the Prince of Orange!” (Helga Brandt); “The investigation into who had stolen the gift shop’s stock of chocolate oranges was not going well” (Valerie Ganne); “I can’t hold back — I find you so a-peeling” (Jennifer Stokes); “Stop blowing! I am going to bust” (Ann Fitzpatrick) “Oh, Vicar, l didn’t know you had such an inflated opinion of me” (Robin I Morgan).
“I’ve come as the Bishop of Orange. What’s your excuse?” (Shelley Everall Hoban); “Passing the orange under their chins was proving difficult when Jan arrived dressed as an orange herself” (Vicky Deasley); “With dental costs rising, the church decide to start free halitosis consultations” (Ken Wilkinson); “He kept his distance, not wishing to burst her bubble” (Lesley Cope); “Telehubby?” (Brian Davies).
As ever, the winner receives a prize of Fairtrade chocolate, courtesy of Divine Chocolate.