*** DEBUG END ***

Have a go at the Church Times caption competition, and read the latest winner and top entries

03 February 2023

Diocese of Oxford

Have a go at our next caption competition (above)Send entries by email only to captioncompetition@churchtimes.co.uk by 9 a.m., Monday 13 February

Here is the winning entry for the previous competition:

 Rod CorkeRod Corke

 Dalmatic meets pneumatic (John Appleby)


EXCHANGING the Peace can be awkward at the best of times:

“The sign of peace comes in all shapes and sizes” (Richard Strudwick); “Exchanging the peace can be challenging at times” (Patrick Irwin); “Exchanging the peace at St Blobby’s risks putting the parson’s nose out of joint” (John Saxbee); “The sign of peace comes in all shapes and sizes” (Richard Strudwick); “The kiss of peace turned out to be much more difficult this week” (Richard Hough); “Vicar trials new form of sharing the peace” (Paul Vincent); “Local clergy try the new form of sharing the peace during a service” (Hilary Castle); “The new ministerial dress code for Lent, along with the revised procedure for sharing the peace, were being tried out” (Michael Foster).

Beware initiatives to make church services more seeker-friendly?

“Marketing the new midweek communion as Orange Wednesday” (Martin Kettle); The Clergy and The Chocolate Factory was opening to rave reviews” (Justine Barnes); “The candidates were asked to demonstrate how they would breathe new life into a body with an inflated sense of its own importance” (Ray Morris); “I thought they were hiring Mr Blobby, not a squishy orange” (Deborah Mcgreavey); “Wippell announced their new cassock range inspired by the hit US prison drama Orange is the new Black (James Betteridge-Sorby); His plans to expand the congregation had taken an unexpected turn” (Alison Woods).

Tango can be a noun, a verb, or an advert:

When Betty said she wanted to tango, this wasn’t exactly what she meant!” (Fiona Drinkell); “You know when you’ve been Tangoed by a C of E vicar” (Keith Hearnshaw); “Vicar refuses to wear the new liturgical strip sponsored by Tango” (Michael Doe).

Some other entries that amused us:

“The kiss of life is desperately needed after human Christingle is speared by four giant cocktail sticks” (Philip Lickley); “Despite spiralling costs, the production of The Love of Three Oranges went ahead” (Julian Ashton); “I hate to tell you this, but I think your Christingle has developed a puncture” (Daphne Foster); In the Candlemas pageant, Mr Blobby had agreed to play Simeon” (Brian Stevenson); “The incumbent’s wife said this was the first and last time she’d dress as an orange” (Chris Coupe); And, when he awoke, behold, it was (thankfully) just a dream” (Charles Taylor); Ah, you are here to help me ‘orange’ things around here” (Aaron Milne).

He hoped that the pumpkin would turn into a gold coach. Wrong story — he turned into a frog” (Valerie Budd); Both were stuck for an answer” (Bill de Quick); Where exactly did you leave your sumo suit?” (Marion Watson); Rubbing noses didn’t quite work out as planned: instead of a prince, I got a priest — must be divine intervention” (Janet Bennett); “It was decided to celebrate St Valentine’s Day with a Kisstingle Service” (John Radford); “If we’d used the Sellotape instead of superglue, our noses wouldn’t be stuck together now” (Pearl Davison); “I’m sorry, but I haven’t seen the Prince of Orange!” (Helga Brandt); “The investigation into who had stolen the gift shop’s stock of chocolate oranges was not going well” (Valerie Ganne); “I can’t hold back — I find you so a-peeling” (Jennifer Stokes); “Stop blowing! I am going to bust” (Ann Fitzpatrick) “Oh, Vicar, l didn’t know you had such an inflated opinion of me” (Robin I Morgan).

“I’ve come as the Bishop of Orange. What’s your excuse?” (Shelley Everall Hoban); Passing the orange under their chins was proving difficult when Jan arrived dressed as an orange herself” (Vicky Deasley); “With dental costs rising, the church decide to start free halitosis consultations” (Ken Wilkinson); He kept his distance, not wishing to burst her bubble” (Lesley Cope);Telehubby?” (Brian Davies).

As ever, the winner receives a prize of Fair­trade chocolate, courtesy of Divine Chocolate.


Browse Church and Charity jobs on the Church Times jobsite


Thu 20 Apr @ 16:08
The Archbishop of Canterbury has received the specially commissioned King James Bible that will be presented to Kin… https://t.co/u8LMnSFcfV

Welcome to the Church Times


To explore the Church Times website fully, please sign in or subscribe.

Non-subscribers can read four articles for free each month. (You will need to register.)