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Have a go at the Church Times caption competition, and read the latest winner and top entries

by
13 October 2023

Robyn Golden-Hann

Have a go at our next caption competition (above)Send entries by email only to captioncompetition@churchtimes.co.uk by 9 a.m., Monday 23 October


Here is the winning entry for the previous competition:

 

St Edmundsbury Cathedral   

I’ve always responded better to the vocational pull rather than the push (Janet Chapman)

Bit of an ecclesiastical brewhaha (Martin Kettle)

 

IN A touching ecumenical gesture, it appears that, during quieter periods, the popemobile is lent out to Anglican cathedrals:

Popemobile on loan for the heavenly Abbot Experience tour” (Ellen Nixon); “Dean Joe was very happy to test the new additional facilities for the popemobile” (Lesley Norburn) “This ale reaches the parts other beers cannot reach — as you can see, I’m in the popemobile!” (Julian Ashton); “New popemobile dispenses abbots!” (Robbie Whiting); “The Church of England knocks the popemobile into a cocked hat” (Paul Clifford); “I’ve changed the popemobile to a pubmobile’’ (Eric Jones); “I declare this Abbotmobile open. May God bless her and all who sail in her!” (Elizabeth Gaskell); “The Abbot thought that his Alemobile would be a useful aid for evangelism” (Mervyn Cox); “The deanmobile was now equipped with all the basic necessities of life” (Jonathan Clark).

Pulling pints isn’t as easy as it looks: “O Lord, please give me strength to pull this one off” (Andrea Dimmick); “The incumbent hadn’t expected this when he was asked to sort out the draught” (Chris Coupe); “When I said you had to ‘Serve the Abbot’, that’s not what I had in mind” (Andrew Berry).

Cathedrals are always thinking of fresh ways to bring new punters in: “Here in Bury St Edmunds, we have beer after the service — not coffee!” (Lynda Sebbage); “The pints are half-price if you attend choral evensong” (Patrick Irwin); “Come, ye thankful people, come, and raise a glass of the Abbot’s own” (Jeannie Chamberlain); “The congregation were very excited by the new Abbot” (Lisa Day).

Running a cathedral can leave you somewhat dehydrated: “He had found a solution to preaching’s being thirsty work” (Michael Foster); “The Abbot satisfied a thirst after righteousness” (Mark Parry); “Thirsting after righteousness” (Peter Mason).

And what competition involving church and beer would be complete without this quotation from Martin Luther: “Whoever drinks beer, he is quick to sleep; whoever sleeps long, does not sin; whoever does not sin, enters Heaven! Thus, let us drink beer!” (Fiona Drinkell).

Some other entries that amused us: “This is the real Haweswater!” (David Lamming); “Pump or keg — a truly British curate’s egg” (Paul Lodge); “Never mind ‘holy orders’, it’s ‘last orders’ now” (Aaron Milne); “The link between the Cathedral and Greene King brewers was proving as profitable and popular as ever” (Richard Hough); Abbot by name, Abbot by nature” (Angella Willis); “Holy orders — two pints of Abbots, please” (Derek Reed); “The Abbey may have gone, Edmund may have gone, but the Abbot Ale always flows at St Edmundsbury Cathedral (Brian Lillistone); “Holy sips in Eds & Ips” (Sue Chick); “Why is a churchman getting involved in the politics of Hackney North and Stoke Newington? He can’t even spell the MP’s name properly!” (Ray Morris); “I have some Blue Nun, too, if you’d prefer?” (Alison Woods); A match made in heaven” (Glenys McGrath); “Serving the Abbot is a lot more fun these days!” (Pearl Davison); “When the Abbot said the Church was ailing, I tended towards agreeing” (Clive Deverell); “At last! His rival for the new job was standing on the trap door” (Joan Workman); “Last orders, please!” (Colin Fielding); There’s a priest loose ‘Abbot’ this greenhoose [Maynards wine gums Scottish advert music]” (Ian Cheyne); Abbot, Father, make my beer yours, and yours alone” (John Appleby);Real bus. Real Dean. Real Ale. Makes sense!” (Peter Sebbage); Being the one to lower the contestant into the tank of slime seemed to fill the Vicar with a little too much glee” (Vicky Deasley); “‘Ale things bright and beautiful’ always goes down well with the congregation” (Jo Mash); “In today’s service, we will be using the Good Brews Bible” (Pauline Williams); “‘At last,’ Dean Joe said, ‘I can pull a pint of “Abbots Ale” — a welcome change from “Adams Ale” — even though that is “on Tap” for free’” (Lesley Cope); Brewery announces its new logo” (Alistair Bolt); People in glasshouses shouldn’t throw stones” (Robert Shooter); A pint of Abbot’s Ale is the perfect accompaniment to a slice of Stinking Bishop” (Michael Watts).

As ever, the winner receives a prize of Fair­trade chocolate, courtesy of Divine Chocolate.

divinechocolate.com

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