Have a go at our next caption competition (above). Send entries by email only to firstname.lastname@example.org by 9 a.m., Monday 17 October
Here is the winning entry for the previous competition:
See that? Cottrell jumped the queue for the gents! (Martin Kettle)
THERE are few things that the British love more than a queue — and few things that irk them more than (alleged) queue-jumpers, especially celebrity ones: “Look over there, I’m sure that’s Phillip Schofield and Holly Willoughby queue-jumping” (Ian Raynor); “You know we let Willoughby and Schofield jump the queue earlier? There’s another one trying it on here. ‘No, but I really am the Archbishop of Canterbury!’” (Andrew Ward); “OMG, that’s Phil and Holly bypassing the queue again” (Susan Patel); “Look — queue-jumpers! Have them excommunicated immediately” (Michael Foster); “Look! There’s Holly and Phil” (Kaye Steeper); “Holly and Phil went through that door” (Claire Driver); “Is that Phil and Holly ahead of us in the queue?’’ (Eric Jones); “Ooh, look over there! We’re just in time to witness the first round of celebrity queue-jumping taking place” (John Radford); “Look! Cabinet ministers jumping the queue. Haven’t they read Ecclesiastes 7.8 ‘It is better to be gentle and patient than to be proud and impatient?’ (Christopher Whitmey); “‘Hey — they just jumped the queue!’ ‘Well, Archbishop, the first shall be last, and the last shall be first’” (Che Seabourne).
Chaplains ministering to those queuing to pay their respects to the late Queen (News, 23 September) were able to offer practical as well as pastoral support: “Don’t let anyone else know that I’m telling you this, but if you leave the queue just up here, and head towards that clump of trees over to the left, you will be able to rejoin and save yourself at least half an hour” (Christopher Miller); “Look, they’ve arrived at last — the portable toilets!” (Valerie Budd); “The queue for the gents is only two hours long” (Patrick Irwin); “Another five miles or so, and you will have your first glimpse of Westminster Hall” (Valerie Stokes); “No, I’m sorry, that’s not Westminster Hall. It’s my home, Lambeth Palace. You’ve got a quite a way to go yet, and will need to cross to the other side of the river” (Daphne Foster); “When ‘the Queue’ passed through the garden of Lambeth Palace, the current occupant was on hand to point out the right path” (Eunice Parry).
Some other entries for your amusement: “OMG, there’s David Beckham!” (John Saxbee); “The Archbishop was surprised at the length of the queue waiting for evensong” (Richard Hough); “Oh, no! Living in Love and Faith is coming to a conclusion” (Michael Doe); “That’s him, that’s the squirrel that’s just pinched my nuts” (Keith Glover); “Is this the church barbe-queue?” (Andrew Hinley); There’s shock as the verger is spotted turning up the vicarage’s thermostat (Philip Lickley; “Only another nine hours before my GP appointment” (Colin Fielding); “Oi, Cottrell, stop trying to lead a conga!” (Patrick Craig); “The search for the lost sheep kept taking unexpected turns” (Philip Deane); “I don’t believe it, just look at that!” (Richard Strudwick); “‘We meander this way and that and somehow end up in the royal presence. ‘Hmm,’ mused the archbishop, ‘What does that remind me of?’” (David Newman); “We promised a good sermon this week, and the queue for the service starts over there” (David Young); “Wherever the Archbishop travelled in the world, he always took his invisible yo-yo” (Ken Wilkinson); “Seek, and ye shall find” (Robert Shooter); “Yes, I definitely spotted a new PM on the way there” (Philip Roger); “And the Second Coming will start just over there” (Stephen Disley).
Also: “Look! There’s Aunt Lucy with her largest handbag and a fresh supply of marmalade sandwiches for her favourite nephew to share with the patient queuers” (Chris Townsend); “That’s the entrance I used yesterday, but today I’m having to queue like everyone else” (Alison Rollin); “A lesser-spotted church-growth statistic caused quite a stir at the Lambeth diocesan conference” (Duncan Hollands); “Justin Welby entertaining the queue with conducted sing-alongs had a mixed reception” (Vicky Deasley); Look, it’s Liz Truss” (Leslie Evans); “Who moved the cathedral? It was definitely here this morning” (Paul Vincent); “Really? I was not expecting to ‘go ape’ there!” (Paul MacDermott).
As ever, the winner receives a prize of Fairtrade chocolate, courtesy of Divine Chocolate.