GRIEVING children and adults lack access to practical and emotional support in their bereavement, a new study of their experience since the outbreak of the pandemic suggests.
The independent UK Commission on Bereavement (UKCB), set up last year, reported that there were 6.8 million bereavements during the pandemic — 750,000 of them “excess” bereavements, caused by 1.65 million deaths in 2020 and 2021.
The UKCB’s report, Bereavement is Everybody’s Business, is one of the largest ever consultations on bereavement support undertaken in the UK, and was published this week as the Covid-19 public inquiry — which is expected to take several years — finally opened.
The report drew on data from surveys of 1000 adults and 100 children in the UK, and submissions from 130 organisations.
More than 40 per cent of adult respondents and half of the children said that they did not get the support that they needed after experiencing a loss.
One participant in the study was Tiffany Jones, aged 42, from Winchester. Her father died just before Christmas 2020. She described the experience of finding her way through all the forms and processes after his death as “atrocious”.
“There was no support. No guidance. Nothing was clear, and there was no step-by-step guide of what to do. Even searching online was murky and minimal. There are aspects now that we struggle with. The bereavement was bad enough, but not knowing what to do and where to go for support just added to our distress.
“There needs to be a government bereavement-support officer role who you can go to in the event of a death — a person who will say, ‘OK, let’s go through this step by step,’ and help you with the forms, the emotional needs, and assist you with things like claiming benefits you may be entitled to.
“For childbirth, marriage, and any other time of need in your life, there’s support from midwives to health workers and pre-marriage counselling. But for that unexpected loss of a father, or husband, it’s restricted. The worst, most vulnerable time of your life, and there is no help or guidance unless you can afford to pay for it. It was atrocious for us.”
Another respondent told the Commission that the support she was offered was “aimed at white people”. The woman, who has not been named, lost her father to Covid-19. She said: “As an Asian Muslim, I was constantly told by ‘support’ that I must be finding it hard to think about Christmas without my dad, but they totally bypassed Ramadan and Eid.”
One woman in her fifties, whose husband died of Covid, said that, 18 months later, she was still struggling to sort out her financial affairs.
Hannah Molony, aged 17, from Birmingham, lost her father seven years ago. She said that, while she was supported by her teachers as far as they were able, she needed counselling, but didn’t have access to it.
“My dad passed away whilst I was in Year Seven, and the thought of even going to school and having to put on this fake persona made me feel nervous. I am extremely grateful for all the support I was given, but I needed more.
“Schools should all implement a bereavement policy to support children. No child should ever suffer alone. It’s important for students and teachers to be more educated on what it’s like to lose someone. Counselling should be offered for students who are struggling with grief, and teachers should be trained to help those who need it. As important as education is, your mental health and well-being is far more important.”
The Bishop of London, the Rt Revd Sarah Mullally, chairs the commission. She said that the death of Queen Elizabeth II had reminded many people of their own losses, and that more support needed to be given to help those who are bereaved.
“We will never cure grief. Grief naturally follows the love we have for the people we lose. It is clear that more must be done to get extra care to those who need it. We believe that governments could transform people’s experiences of bereavement by investing just 79p per person in statutory funding.”
The report sets out its recommendations as principles for change, which include: access to a simple funeral for everyone; straightforward processes after a death, including access to financial support, and support for the bereaved in workplaces and schools; and support before and during the death of a loved one, to feel confident that the person received appropriate and compassionate care at the end of life.