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Have a go at the Church Times caption competition, and read the latest winner and top entries

04 November 2022


Have a go at our next caption competition (above)Send entries by email only to captioncompetition@churchtimes.co.uk by 9 a.m., Monday 14 November

Here is the winning entry for the previous competition:   


Strawman candidate elected unopposed on to PCC (Steve Dolby)


WHO knew that Harvest Festival celebrations could be so dramatic?

“The fox, which had been stealing the Harvest Festival produce, was swiftly immobilised with the Vicar’s taser” (Geoffrey Robinson); “Father Christopher asked young Tom if he could see any harvest mice in the harvest decorations” (Susan Chick); “And now, with my remote-control firelighter, I will turn this harvest bale into the burning bush” (Michael Foster); “Semi finals of the Great British Harvest Festival” (Janet Stockton); “You’ve got the ‘All things bright’ OK, but I’m not sure about the ‘beautiful’” (Richard Hough); “Harvest — as per Jeez” (Michael Doe); “Never mind the ploughing, who’s scattered the seed that grew this?” (Chris Coupe); “The church’s interpretation of The Masked Singer, with contestants asked to perform ‘We plough the fields and scatter’ while dressed in hay and ribbons, was certainly different” (Vicky Deasley)

Various characters from big and small screen come to mind:

“The character from Star Wars was having difficulty making itself understood” (Lorna Brook); “With lightsaber in hand, the Revd Starr Warze was ready for his audition for the new film Return of the Dead-Rye(Kristyn Harris); “Bless you and all good wishes for your role in the next Dr Who series” (Keith Glover); “The Anglican Church has blessings for everything: sunflowers, pumpkins, and Cousin Itt from the Addams Family!” (Luke Spencer); “And we welcome Cousin Itt as guest speaker for our Harvest Festival” (Sarah Northall); “The new Doctor Who scans the alien being that mesmerised the congregation” (Steve Pugh); “We welcome Wookiee to today’s service” (Colin Fielding).

Two football references in one week is quite rare:

“After a harvest of goals, Man. City’s chaplain honours Erling Haaland’s hair” (John Saxbee); “Presenting the second most famous Christian Bale” (Philip Lickley).

Some other entries that we enjoyed:

“In order to further explain the Christian symbolism in the books by C. S. Lewis, Aslan was invited to give a talk to the parishioners” (Fiona Drinkell); “I think it’s about time you had your sideburns trimmed, let’s give you a hand with that” (Julie Page); “Are we all agreed that the person who gate-crashed our Zoom meeting will no longer have to wear the hair shirt?” (Julian Ashton); “A Chancellor of the Exchequer donated this, but I can’t remember which one” (Patrick Irwin); Videte miraculum! With one flick of the aspergillum he shrank the pagan Hallowe’en pumpkins adorning the pews and brought forth a giant, hairy, hungry caterpillar to gobble them all up” (Charles Taylor); “Sadly, not many turned up to Bungle’s memorial” (Gary Kennaugh); “I knew I should have brought spare batteries!” (John Paul Bonner); “Our Vicar was uncertain about the new stole” (Robin Morgan); “Now, Connor, perhaps you would like to tell the congregation why your cheeks are bulging like a hamster and there is an apple missing from the display in front of you” (Daphne Foster); “And the winner of the guess the weight of a bundle of straw competition is. . .” (Ray Morris); “The Vicar considered the straw stole made for him to wear at the Harvest Festival service to be far too Low Church” (Mervyn Cox); “Wheat your turn! You’ll all get to ce (the) real light of God at some point. If you’d kindly stand behind the ribbon. . .” (Madeline Charlton); “Father Paul was sure he could control the Japanese knotweed with holy water” (Paul Crabb); “Is this a Triffid I see before me?” (Alan Culley); “The harvest wreath doubles as the Christmas tree” (Valerie Budd); “Just to be sure, he ran a Geiger counter over it” (Stephen Disley); “Fleece on earth, good will to men” (Rena Plumridge); “Don’t be afraid, I’ll zap it with my sonic screwdriver” (Peter Yates); “In the name of Jesus, all field mice . . . go!” (Stephen Low); “No accident would prevent this combine-harvester driver from attending church service” (Ken Wilkinson); “The conservation service for pets had unforeseen consequences” (Richard Strudwick); “Psst! Mate! That sunflower’s getting closer to you by the second” (Martin Kettle); “The Vicar wasn’t sure what type of plant it was, but it had just eaten the warden’s cat” (Rob Falconer); “Rod Stewart’s attempts to be anonymous failed miserably” (Valerie Ganne); “Cousin Itt, from the Addams family, loves being interviewed about his new role as a wedding decoration” (Bridget Akinbolaji)

As ever, the winner receives a prize of Fair­trade chocolate, courtesy of Divine Chocolate.


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