Have a go at our next caption competition (above) for a chance to win a prize of Fairtrade chocolate!
Send entries by email only to email@example.com by 9 a.m., Monday 7 February.
Here is the winning entry for the previous competition:
Sue Stamper-IvesonSue Stamper-Iveson
When the choirmaster said “Sing and raise the roof,” he didn’t mean it quite like that (Lynda Sebbage)
WE ALL knew that keeping church buildings in good repair was a challenge, but hadn’t realised that it was this bad: “Think we’ve got another hole in the roof” (Suresh Nathan); “The Vicar completely lost his head when he realised that the roof lead had been nicked again” (Mervyn Cox); “Appeals for contributions to the church-roof fund had added impact at this week’s service” (Alison Woods); “We can catch raindrops in buckets from the leaking roof, but snow is more difficult” (John Hutchinson); “So much for praying for a new roof!” (Nigel Greaves); “Another gift-day appeal for repairs to the church roof was clearly overdue” (Lesley Cope); “I’m sorry, Vicar, but there’s no point sticking your head in the pulpit every time the hole in the roof becomes an issue” (Julia Kinsey); “No one was willing to preach until the ceiling had been fixed” (Valerie Budd); “It’s snow joke they pinched the lead again” (Clive Deverell).
A particularly bad dandruff problem calls for extreme measures: “Unfortunately, the Vicar’s last anti-dandruff treatment hadn’t worked very well” (Mark Hutchinson); “Lord, 32 years I’ve prayed for this dandruff to be healed” (Martin Kettle); “Embarrassed about his dandruff problem, he vows never to show his face again” (Mark Hopkins); “I told the verger he had a bad case of dandruff” (Roger Bufton).
Is a snowflake generation of clergy emerging? We’re not so sure: “Is he also a snowflake?” (Paul Brett); “Church of England Full of Flakes (Daily Mail)” (John Saxbee); “The Vicar’s attempt to prove that he wasn’t a snowflake backfired” (John Radford).
Some other entries that amused us: “Michael was obsessive about cleaning the church after each service to keep Covid at bay” (Sue Chick); “Let us spray” (Ian Barge); “I know snowing in church is exciting, but there’s no need to lose your head about it” (John Page); “’Who put Fairy Liquid in the font? C’mon: own up and confess your sin’” (Keith Glover); “Overcome by the children’s dramatic re-enactment of St Paul’s shipwreck, their vicar became seriously seasick” (Jonathan Haigh); “The Revd Ostrich didn’t like snow” (Sadie Godiva); “The congregation knew that the sermon about the headless cleric was all ‘fluff’ and nonsense” (Madeline Charlton); “A surplice is snow use as a waterproof” (Christopher Whitmey); “Those blasted shepherds have been washing their socks by night, again” (Louise Comb); “Less Forward in Faith than Downward in Doubt” (Patrick Irwin); “The new verger had misheard the vicar and thought this white top was surplus to requirements” (Richard Hough); “The vicar thought that perhaps the trial sponsorship with Radox for baptisms wasn’t such a good idea after all” (Matthew Johns); “When the pigeons came to roost in the nave, a lack of PPE called for a measure of improvisation” (Charles Taylor); “They said my explanation that a crooked financial adviser had taken me to the cleaners wouldn’t wash; I tried to soft-soap the archdeacon, but he hung me out to dry” (Ray Morris); “Try as he might, he couldn’t retrieve his music from the shredder” (Chris Coupe); “I know we keep talking about the effects of climate change, but this is ridiculous” (Richard Spray); “OK, confess: who prayed for a white Christmas?” (Jamie Webb); “Welcome to the feast of Stephen. You can see the snow lay round about ‘almost’ deep, and crisp, and even” (Roger Stanley); “Who stores washing-up liquid in a communion-wine bottle?” (Nicola Heap); “Just wait until I discover whose idea it was to fill the font with hand-sanitising foam! The baptism party will be here any minute now” (Daphne Foster); “Owing to a supermarket shortage of theatrical blood, the re-enactment of the beheading of John the Baptist lacked drama” (Robert Marshall); “Covid or no Covid, can someone please, please close that window?” (Louise Comb); “Oh, bother! The bats have dandruff again” (Bridget Swan); “The Vicar was infamous for always having his head in the clouds” (Nick Baker); “Talk about preaching to the choir: that sermon really blew the choirmaster’s head off!” (Che Seabourne); “Fund-raising to repair the steeple? No, this is to repair the washing machine” (Rob Falconer).
As ever, the winner receives a prize of Fairtrade chocolate, courtesy of Divine Chocolate. divinechocolate.com