Have a go at our next caption competition (above). Send entries by email only to firstname.lastname@example.org by 9 a.m., Monday 4 April
Here is the winning entry for the previous competition:
Yorkshire Pics/AlamyYorkshire Pics/Alamy
I was told there were no strings attached to this appointment (Ken Wilkinson)
THIS week’s picture is of the Team Rector in the Kippax with Allerton Bywater Team Ministry, in Leeds diocese, the Revd Bob Bailey, and was taken by a local photographer during a baptism in St Mary’s, Kippax.
Our readers speculated as to which song he was playing: “The service began with the opening riff of ‘Stairway to Heaven’” (Mark Parry); “Not another request for ‘Stairway to Heaven’” (Fiona Drinkell); “I’m singing ‘Darkness Bring the Light’ because I can’t see the strings” (Jennifer Stokes); “Yesterday, my congregation seemed so far away. . .” (Donald Wetherick); “I said maybe . . . Jesus is gonna be the one to save me” (Tammy Tudor); “Holy Roller” (Richard Strudwick); “Not the hills but the church was ‘alive with the sound of music’” (Lesley Cope); “I did it God’s way” (Chris Berry); “He regretted his offer to accompany Psalm 119 in its entirety with his guitar” (Sue Chick); “Red and yellow and pink and green. Orange and purple and blue, I can sing about my stole, about my stole, about my stole too.” (Clive Deverell).
Playing by heart is always a challenge: “By the final verse of the worship song, the vicar had found the ‘lost chord’” (John Radford); “I found the lost sheep. Now I’m searching for the lost chord” (Janet Stockton); “I’ve heard there was a secret chord, that David played, and it pleased the Lord. Well, I think I might have found it — Hallelujah!” (Roly Cobbett); “The vicar had heard there was a secret chord, and knew that when David played it, it pleased the Lord, but, blimey, he just couldn’t find it” (Mark Stennett).
Some other entries that we enjoyed: “Shortage of organists opens up new clerical-careers path” (Ian Barge); “The Church of England’s entry for the Eurovision Song Contest was proving surprisingly popular” (Patrick Irwin); “Second fiddle in a one-one band? The new curate has other ideas” (John Saxbee); “The vicar realised that alb sleeves and a guitar do not work well together” (Chris Coupe); “It was a model of pluck and resilience — he did the plucking while the congregation repeated the chorus endlessly with resilience” (Charles Taylor); “Father Ted, eat your heart out, I know how this guitar works” (Elaine Alexander); “He had failed to recognise that the advertisement for a music director ‘able to demonstrate a wide plectrum of musical skills’ contained a significant misprint” (Ray Morris).
“For some reason, The English Hymnal didn’t seem to have the right settings for guitar accompaniment” (J. R. Hough); “Don’t fret, Jesus loves you” (Kevin O’Neill); “My right hand does know what my left is doing” (Julian Ashton); “Now there’s a thing, it was in tune when I bought it” (Bridget Swan); “Father borrowed a guitar from the congregation, but discovered that the laity’s not for tuning” (Chris Beeson); “The vicar was seriously considering going electric” (Mervyn Cox); “No, this is not my attempt at a Malcolm Guite impression” (Nicholas Varnon); “The vicar fervently hoped the organ would soon be repaired (Rob Falconer); “Without the verger, he couldn’t find the right key” (Philip Lickley); “Hey, hey, we’re the Monk-ees — and people say we monkey around, But we’re too busy singing to put anybody down. . .” (Ralph Wood); “The Reverend had intended being a one-man band, but someone stole the trumpet from his lips” (Valerie Ganne); “A Sunday service A Chord-ing to Bob” (Douglas Haynes); “When the baptism congregation asked me to play some soothing music, I didn’t expect them to all fall asleep” (Lynda Sebbage); “Fret not, I know I need to hold the ‘Ooo’ throughout Lent, but just keeping the left hand in practice ready for the Easter ‘Alleluia’” (Janet Chapman); “Roger Daltry goes clerical” (Peter Sebbage); “Vicar busks to pay electricity bill” (Leslye Thomas); “Morning has broken . . . damn, so has my plectrum!” (Geoffrey Robinson).
As ever, the winner receives a prize of Fairtrade chocolate, courtesy of Divine Chocolate. divinechocolate.com