Have a go at our next caption competition (above). Send entries by email only to firstname.lastname@example.org by 9 a.m., Monday 2 May
Here is the winning entry for the previous competition:
Nigel ThomasNigel Thomas
The friary appoints its first web analyst (James Avery)
WHEN Alan Partridge visited a monastery, he discovered during evening prayer that it had high-speed Wi-Fi. Friaries, it seems, have been slower to catch on: “Monk gets wrong end of the stick about looking at the world wide web” (Mark Richardson); “There was confusion when making the sermon available to those on the web” (Philip Lickley); “Brother Hugh searches the web” (Miles Irving); “After 30 years as a solitary, Brother Julian didn’t have a clue what they meant when they told him to ‘Search the web’” (John Page); “The world wide web was to be found everywhere” (Brian Stevenson); “In the beginning was the web” (Alison Woods); “When they said the web is only working outside in the garden, I didn’t think they meant that one” (John Forster); “The abbot told him to find the answer by looking on the web” (Graeme Denman); “It was not exactly what the Father Superior intended when he extolled the benefits of web awareness” (Ray Morris); “I must get out of this habit of checking the web” (Stephen Woodbridge).
Talking of Alan Partridge, we’re not sure whether he has yet found out that his old TV rival has had a change of direction: “Bill Oddie spots the world’s smallest bird” (Colin Fielding); “Bill Oddie’s disguise couldn’t contain his love of nature” (Chris Coupe); “Bill Oddie’s habit” (Derek Reed); “In this episode of The Goodies, Bill mistakes a spider’s web for an Easter egg” (Paul Lodge).
Friars seldom have an opportunity to test their eyesight, it seems: “No, that is not the monstrance. Should have gone to Specsavers” (Valerie Budd); “He saw through his glasses darkly — should have gone to Specsavers” (Charles Taylor); “Fr Dominic photographed at Barnard Castle testing his eyesight” (Pearl Davison); “There is nothing wrong with my eyesight, Your Grace. Now, where should I sit?” (Colin Daniel).
Some other entries that we enjoyed: “‘I warned you, Peter,’ Tinkerbell petulantly declared, ‘that if you abandoned Neverland for the Friary you might keep your childlike heart, but it wouldn’t do anything for your appearance’” (Maggie Guite); “Oh Brother, the white things on the wall” (John Saxbee); “Once again, Incy Wincy had spun a web of intrigue” (John Radford); “Abbot checking the moonshine level: still is still working in his monastery garden” (Ian Barge); “A watched clock never strikes” (Patrick Irwin); “Oh yes, monks invented the smart meter 150 years ago” (Martin Kettle); “Although Brother Derek loved natural history, this particular dragonfly was really starting to bug him” (Nick Baker).
“Brother Peter was delighted to find the source of inspiration for the latest diocesan strategy initiative” (Michael Foster); “It is high time I acquired a watch” (Michael Watts); “One needs practice before the annual leapfrog during the ceremony of beating the bounds” (Don Manley); “Oh, what a tangled web we weave, when we explain what we believe” (John Appleby); “If I crawl through here, will Aslan be on the other side?” (Sue Chick); “The clues for the Easter-egg hunt got harder every year” (Vicky Deasley); “He realised that this must be what St Paul meant when he wrote about seeing through a glass darkly” (Richard Hough); “Brother Michael had been transferred from beekeeping and honey production to oversee the monastery’s new spider-silk-spinning venture” (Mervyn Cox); “Breaking news: Church leaders deny putting older clergy out to grass” (Ken Wilkinson); “It was the first time Fr Malcolm had seen a drone outside the pulpit” (Paul Clifford).
“Sundial, Sundial on the wall, am I the brightest monk of all?” (Janet Stockton); “Brother Herbert could hardly believe his Easter egg had turned to stone” (Margaret Akel); “Brother Nigel knew he had a problem, when his back locked up, road-testing the new Franciscan Spiritual Exercise Manual” (Chris Chataway); “So, there really are fairies at the bottom of the garden” (Stephen Disley); “So, this is where the flying saucer landed” (Brian Davies); “Once again, Derek’s sundial hadn’t adjusted automatically for BST” (Valerie Ganne); “So, that’s where my wife hid my Iron Maiden CD. . .” (Rob Falconer).
As ever, the winner receives a prize of Fairtrade chocolate, courtesy of Divine Chocolate. divinechocolate.com