Have a go at our next caption competition (above). Send entries by email only to email@example.com by 9 a.m., Monday 30 May
Here is the winning entry for the previous competition:
The Dean regretted not being clearer in his invitation to join the cycle of prayer (Tim Goodbody)
ANGLICANS are well used to liturgical cycles, but never before have we seen it taken quite this literally:
“There’s confusion after the parish newsletter invites everyone to mark the Easter cycle” (Philip Lickley); “St Lycra’s took a revolutionary approach to the usual cycle of services” (Michael Foster); “Bernard mistook the request for the diocesan cycle of prayer” (Geoffrey House); “A service was held to launch the new Anglican cycle of prayer” (David Bowers); “The Anglican cycle of prayer had been well and truly blessed” (Paulette Yallop).
The puns from the cycling enthusiasts continue:
“I never ‘tyre’ of welcoming our cycling brothers and sisters to our tour de Church” (Aaron Milne); “Vicar uses bagpipes to wake up a tyred congregation” (Nick Baker); “Dean launches his Pedalling for Pentecost mission campaign” (Ian Barge); “We are not pedallers of God’s word” (Martin Kettle); “A bespoke service offered a ‘wheelie’ great possession” (Roger Stanley).
Bagpipes appear to be less popular among our readers:
“I am so ‘tyred’ of these bagpipes!” (Pauline Hardwick); “While the face masks were highly visible, the ear plugs were very discreet” (John Appleby); “The Scottish Churches’ Spokespersons Conference was dominated by two old windbags droning on” (John Page); “For the first time ever, the bagpipes sounded wheely good” (Sheena Batey); “Everyone agreed that it would have been better if the pipers had worn masks, too — preferably thick ones” (John Swanson); “The accompanying windbags created so much bluster and noise, making it impossible for the Dean to engage properly with his cycling chapter” (Paul MacDermott).
Some other entries that we enjoyed:
“Three-score cyclists cycling, two pipers piping, one verger verging, and a partridge in a pear tree” (Patrick Irwin); “He thought they said tour de force, not tour de France. . .” (Victoria Prince); “Cyclists celebrate their patron saint: Martin of Tours” (John Saxbee); “The Halfords store in Braehead was honoured to host this Sunday’s service” (Fiona Drinkell); “It was a stately start to the service, but there would be a sprint finish” (Brian Stevenson); “As he walked, he wondered if he was vergering on the ridiculous” (Chris Coupe); “I always said it was a mistake to film remakes of Bicycle Thieves and The Young Victoria at the same time” (Ray Morris); “A ride of faith — keep balanced, keep moving and hope the priest has remembered the map” (Mark Parry).
“You take the high road, and I’ll take the low road, and I’ll be in Walsingham afore ye” (Valerie Budd); “The Bishop thought it prudent not to wear his yellow jersey” (Peter Sebbage); “The Bike Choir sing out the procession for the annual cyclers’ service” (Lynda Sebbage); “The cyclists assemble for their annual service” (Richard Strudwick); “I said that I wanted everyone to put more effort into re-cycling” (Julian Ashton); “We knew the new Vicar was Scottish and a cyclist, but the churchwardens had been surprised by his suggestions for his installation service” (Vicky Deasley); “Celebration service as the Church of England ends its 500-year ban on Lycra” (Gerard Farrell); “I know we are trying to be eco-friendly, but couldn’t they have left their bikes outside?” (Steve Davies); “Cyclists who have survived serious accidents gather annually for a special helmet-of-salvation service” (Don Manley).
“The winner of the clergy cycle race proudly wore the coveted yellow cope” (Gordon James); “The transition area for the inaugural C of E triathlon was unlike anything the competitors had ever seen before” (Che Seabourne); “I send you out like cyclists among lorries, to bike the course that is set before you, looking unto Jesus the pedaller and pulling-star of our race” (Paul Crabb); “The Dean considered the new recycling policy to be a great success” (William Clocksin); “When they said I’d be piping in the church cycles of the church year, this is not what I envisaged” (Kate Brumby Ellis); “Based on past experience, the Vicar had decided on a Grand Prix start for the communion wine” (Rob Falconer); “No electricity, please start pedalling. . .” (Brian Lickley).
As ever, the winner receives a prize of Fairtrade chocolate, courtesy of Divine Chocolate. divinechocolate.com
The next caption competition will be published in the 17 June issue of the Church Times.