Have a go at our next caption competition (above) for a chance to win a prize of Fairtrade chocolate!
Send entries by email only to firstname.lastname@example.org by 9 a.m., Monday 24 January.
Here is the winning entry for the previous competition:
Threadneedle Street? It’s second left. I have it on the highest authority that you’ll find it comparatively easy to go through (Ray Morris)
WE RECEIVED an unusually high number of entries for this week’s competition; sadly, we have space to print only a selection.
Who knew that Epiphany could be almost as stressful as Christmas? “It’s not my fault you’re late — I didn’t bring Epiphany forward by four days this year” (John Saxbee); “I know we always have a donkey at our crib service, but I draw the line at having a bad-tempered camel at our Epiphany service” (Daphne Foster); “Did you have to get the hump? It’s not my fault that Balthazar’s late for rehearsal again” (Jacky Tivers); “The canon apologised for the fact that the camel had been marooned, unable to follow the star, for a month, because of the overcast British weather” (Brian Stevenson); “What have you done with the other two?” (Richard Hough); “I’m the advance party; the other two took a wrong turn at Stonehenge” (Jane Sigrist); “I told you we should have updated the satnav before we set off” (Andrew Williamson); “So you say the other two Magi aren’t coming because they’ve got the hump?” (Lynda Sebbage).
Other brands of cigarette are available. . . “When I said I wanted Camels to smoke, I meant a pack of Camel cigarettes, not smoking camels” (Sheri Darby); “You promised to give up smoking on 1 January” (Wendy Preece); “Stop preaching, I know smoking camels is bad for your health” (Jennifer Stokes); “I’ve always wondered why the cigarettes got their name” (Mervyn Cox); “Even in costume, Caspar was gaspin’ for a smoking Camel” (Robert Marshall); “Sorry, no smoking allowed — even if you are a Camel” (Irene Murdoch).
New year, same pandemic (whatever the Government is currently saying): “The camel got the hump when he was told he had to wear a mask” (Alison Richardson); “How many times do I have to remind you, where’s your mask?” (Nicola Andrijauskas); “Well, if you aren’t going to wear a mask, I don’t see why I should” (Keith Thomas); “That’s a very good test: you are right that Covid can’t get me at that distance, but I still think that is not a very good mask you have on” (Ann Fitzpatrick); “C’mon, do you not realise we are in a pandemic? If you are going to breathe on me, you need to wear a mask” (Jennifer Toal); “It is now mandatory to wear a mask in places of worship, even if you do come bearing gold, frankincense, and myrrh” (Angela Kenny); “How many times do I have to tell you? It’s no good wearing that thing on your face if it doesn’t cover your mouth” (Maximillian Bayliss); “How am I supposed to do a lateral flow test on you?” (Valerie Budd).
Some other entries that we enjoyed: “A gift from the East: gold, frankincense, and myrrrh!” (Paul Brett); “It’s in the haystack” (Barry Tighe); “Exhale to the Lord’s anointed” (Janet Chapman); “The eye of a needle? You must be joking!” (Michael Doe); “Don’t take the hump and spit at me — the colour of the Sarum cassock wasn’t my idea!” (Charles Taylor); “I don’t think it was personal, just an analogy; but I don’t know how big the needle is” (David Greenhalgh); “I said, ‘Mount Carmel. C. A. R. M. E. L’” (Nicholas Cranfield); “When you spat you missed the lateral flow test. You are going to have to do it again — the Magi are waiting in the wings” (Hazel Rea); “Don’t get the hump if I win the chocolate” (Helen Newton); “Oh no, the camel’s swallowed the thurible” (Peter M Potter); “One hump or two, Vicar?” (John Radford); “What do you mean, ‘Frankincense will make me smell better’?” (Peter Sebbage); “I would suggest that you try Listermint” (Colin Fielding); “OK, so you’ve been typecast, but the camel is so important to the nativity” (Tracey Poulter); “I meant Zoom service, not zoo service” (Martin Kettle); “I’m really sorry — I know how you feel, but I don’t know why Luke doesn’t even mention you”(Ian Barge); “I am afraid that the church hall is a no-smoking area” (Patrick Irwin); “I don’t care if you’re name’s Priscilla; you should never have been allowed into Australia!” (Julian Ashton).
As ever, the winner receives a prize of Fairtrade chocolate, courtesy of Divine Chocolate. divinechocolate.com