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Have a go at the Church Times caption competition, and read the latest winner and top entries

11 February 2022


Have a go at our next caption competition (right). Send entries by email only to captioncompetition@churchtimes.co.uk by 9 a.m., Monday 21 February











Here is the winning entry for the previous competition:


This wasn’t what the church treasurer expected when the archdeacon promised to do a deep dive into the parish finances (James Betteridge-Sorby)


THE decision to offer full-immersion baptism can present challenges, it seems: “I hear your church offers baptism by full immersion, but I’m a bit aquaphobic” (Ian Barge); “When I said, ‘Come appropriately attired for your baptism,’ I didn’t have this in mind” (Peter Walker); “He had misunderstood the solemn nature of baptism by total immersion” (Stephen Disley); “Yes, we do do full immersion, but a baptism robe is more normal attire” (Trevor Oakes).

It is also advisable for the baptismal candidate to choose their church wisely: “We’re Anglo-Catholic here. If you want a full-immersion baptism, it’s at St George’s down the road” (Bill Bishop); “We use this little font here. If you want full immersion, you could try the Baptists down the road” (Peter Potter); “Sorry to disappoint, but we’re making do with this bowl while our baptism pool is having a refurb” (Jennifer Stokes); “Welcome to the baptism service, my friend, but you’re supposed to bring your nippers, not your flippers” (Lesley Cope); “We only wet the head at our baptisms, but you can keep the goggles on” (Debbie Bird); “But what were you expecting? A full-immersion baptism?” (Richard Spray); “We’d love to immerse you totally, brother, but the installation of a baptistery was halted when our bishop was translated to another diocese’’ (Don Manley); The font seemed rather small for total immersion” (Michael Doe); “‘You’ll get sprinkled just like everybody else’ was the answer” (Philip Deane).

Inclement weather continues to dog church buildings: “The church working-party reported back. There was a damp problem in the crypt” (George Frost); “Brian was ecstatic to see that the fund-raising drive to treat the rising damp in the vestry had been successful” (Andrew Tanner); “The Vicar tried the visual approach to get the warden to fix the roof” (Chris Coupe); No, there isn’t a leak on the church roof” (Claire Eadie); “The ark has sailed” (Alan Patrick); “Churches struggling to stay afloat? Don’t believe everything you read in the Church Times(John Saxbee); “Are you expecting another flood?” (Patrick Irwin); “Vicar, we’ve fixed the leaking roof” (Ken Wilkinson).

Some other entries that we enjoyed: The Vicar was doing well with his ‘baptisms for hydrophobics’” (Valerie Ganne); “Hey, I thought you said to come swimming, not singing!” (Annelouise Hall); “The plumber emerged from the boiler room in the middle of the service” (Bridget Swan); When I said you should make yourself at home and dive right in, that’s not quite what I meant” (Fiona Drinkell); “When I said we need to get fund-raising going swimmingly, I didn’t expect you to splash out and dress up” (Jo Jones); “The visiting priest asked if there was somewhere he could change before the service” (Richard Hough); After hours spent on the risk assessment, the church’s health-and-safety officer finally arrives to be baptised” (Philip Lickley).

We’re a broad church, not the Norfolk Broads” (Barry Tighe); “Sorry, lad, we don’t do outdoor immersions in winter. Either come back at Easter, or get that kit off and stick yer ’ead over this ’ere bird bath’’ (Charles Taylor); “You must have misunderstood. The worst climate-change scenario is for the church to be under water by 2050, not at 20.50!” (Ray Morris); “I’m sure the newsletter said come prepared for a shallow dive through the Pentateuch. I’m looking forward to next week’s gallop through Romans, too” (Theo Humphries); “I said we were a church of diverse nations, not divers nations” (Simon Filsell);The choirmaster was delighted that his singers were taking his plea to make every effort to get to Friday-night practice so seriously” (Mervyn Cox).

New applicant for the parish council misunderstood the invitation to ‘dive into the local community’” (Louise France); “No, I’m sorry, Messy Church is tomorrow afternoon” (John Hutchinson); “When you pass through the waters, I will not be with you” (Peter Dodson); “I think you’ll find ‘Fishers of men’ is just a phrase. . .” (Rob Falconer); “That’s not what we meant by ‘Immersive Church’, Bishop!” (Deiniol Heywood);There was an unfortunate typo on the poster for the Divine Worship event” (Linda Hill); I know the scene asks you to walk on water, but a little faith would be handy” (Peter Sebbage); “When the bishop announced that you were relocating ‘down under’, we all thought he meant Australia” (Lynda Sebbage); “The beachwear the risen Jesus had prepared for meeting his disciples? Something’s not quite right there” (Martin Kettle).

As ever, the winner receives a prize of Fair­trade chocolate, courtesy of Divine Chocolate. divinechocolate.com


Wed 06 Jul @ 21:46
“The Episcopal Church mourns the horrific and preventable tragedy in San Antonio.” https://t.co/tjLQ5oC5n9

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