Have a go at our next caption competition (above). Send entries by email only to firstname.lastname@example.org by 9 a.m., Monday 11 July
Here is the winning entry for the previous competition:
I distinctly recall asking for directions to Mary Sumner House (David Wilbourne)
THIS week’s picture attracted an unusually high number of entries; apologies that we have space to print only a selection.
Processing down the high street can lead to all sorts of unexpected encounters, but it’s best to avoid distractions:
“It was just as well that the leader of the procession had given the command ‘Eyes front!’” (Michael Foster); “As Proverbs 4.25 tells us: ‘Let your eyes look forward; fix your gaze straight ahead’” (Alison Woods); “Eyes left, quick march!” (Wendy Preece); “In Sergeant-Major voice: ‘Eyes left!’” (Susan Stokes); “Eyes left, gentlemen, eyes left” (Susan Patel); “Oi, you with the bobble hat, eyes front!” (Howard Reeve); “The summer procession was in danger of being diverted, but the Bishop said, ‘Eyes to the left. All eyes to the left!’” (Patsy Cann).
Memories of a popular and much-missed sitcom:
“The Anglican version of Father Ted was going well” (Hazel Rea); “Is Father Ted still in that shop?” (Nigel Greaves); “After many years searching, Father Ted and his friends finally found a way out of the largest lingerie department in Europe” (Jonnie Parkin); “No, Father Ted — not the lingerie department again. . .” (Denis Metrustery).
It’s amazing the places that you can find ecclesiastical dress in these days:
“The new ecclesiastical range was quite a radical departure” (Stephen Hance); “Oh, Father, do you think they have anything in Sarum blue?” (Molly Boot); “Surprising: the items seem to be produced in nearly all of the liturgical colours” (Kit Read); “You carry on, and I’ll catch you up. Just got to return something that I bought in the wrong size” (Stephen Woodbridge); “Please, God, don’t let Jim pop out and say my order is ready” (Valerie Budd); “ . . . so that’s where he bought the pompom” (Lorna Bradley).
Some other entries that amused us:
“Reminds me of army days — chin in, chest out” (Martin Kettle); “Bother, we’ve forgotten the holy water. Just look ahead” (Simon Jones); “I don’t think we’re in Walsingham any more, Toto” (Diana Jones); “The processional hymn was ‘Ain’t Misbehavin’” (Brian Stevenson); “A purple passage in the life of the Church” (Chris Burbridge); “The priests passed by on the other side” (David Hole); “That reminds me, Brief Encounter is on the TV tonight” (Paul Lodge); “Ann Summers weren’t sure about their new Fleabag-inspired ‘Sexy Priest’ outfits, so called on some models” (Philip Lickley);
“Thankfully keen on hagiography trivia, Bishop Philip remembered that Saint Ann is patron of lace-makers and assumed the garments on the figurines were something of a work in progress” (Sorrel Wood); “The models for the latest lingerie range seemed to be surprisingly overdressed” (Geoffrey Robinson); “If Fr Brian had gone to Specsavers, he would’ve seen that Wippells had moved and another store had taken its place” (Susan Chick); “I don’t think she’s in my parish — I would remember her!” (Dougie Gibbard); “A mixed clerical response: eyes forward, eyes right, and eyes left?” (Chris Coupe); “That reminds me, Father. What time is confession today?” (John Saxbee); “Walsingham’s Protestant protesters had set up new diversion” (Michael Doe); “This was not the Wippells that they were expecting” (Gordon Tough); “Fathers, lead us not into temptation” (Nick Baker); “The clash of the styles as the overdressed come face to face with the underdressed” (Richard Strudwick); “I always thought Ann Summers was the little old lady who sits at the back of church, but maybe I am wrong” (Richard Hough).
“I see what you mean about Fresh Expressions!” (Peter Sebbage); “I remember when I had a Saturday job here” (Lynda Sebbage) “Sometimes one feels rather over-dressed” (Ann Lewin); “Eyes left, Father! What do you mean you’re looking for something cool to wear under your cassock?” (Paul Crabb); “I wonder whether Fr Peter got his pompom from that shop?” (Tom Ambrose); “Passing by on the other side is a priestly skill practised with the utmost seriousness” (Don Manley).
As ever, the winner receives a prize of Fairtrade chocolate, courtesy of Divine Chocolate. divinechocolate.com