Have a go at our next caption competition (above) and win a prize of Fairtrade chocolate!
Send your entries by email only to email@example.com by 9 a.m. on Monday 29 March.
Here is the winning entry for last week:
steve reynoldssteve reynolds
Today’s lesson is taken from He brews (Richard Martin)
WHAT exactly is the Bishop blessing?
Cryptic, to be sure — blessing a brewery or dousing a drum kit? (Martin Kettle).
Many thought that it was the former:
- The transition had been made from Adam’s Ale to Bishop’s Beer in the crypt at St Mary’s, much to the Bishop’s delight (Daphne Foster)
- The spirit is willing, and the Bishop prayed the beer wasn’t weak (Chris Coupe)
- For Bishop Rob, it’s not wine that gladdens the human heart, but beer (Lesley Cope)
- Bishop Rob wasn’t keen on wine; so he had a go at turning water into beer instead (Sue Chick)
- Following evensong, the Bishop satisfied his ‘thirst after righteousness’ with a visit to the ‘Crypt Brewery’ (Mark Parry)
- ‘If this doesn’t make the beer taste better, I’ll eat my mitre,’ said the Bishop (Bill de Quick)
- As if reducing clergy numbers wasn’t bad enough, now the bishops are watering down our beer (Nigel Sinclair)
- He couldn’t turn water into wine, but water into real ale was the next best option (Maree Foster)
- The blessing at the brewery was going well until they were told what else was needed for the ‘Bishops Finger’ (Philip Lickley).
Others sensed a change in the church’s worship style:
- He had been promised a steel-drum band, but all he got were tuneless urns (Brian Stevenson)
- In the absence of kettledrums, the Bishop thought that tea urns might make the right sound (Jill Boal)
- The Bishop never missed an opportunity to demonstrate his skills as a percussionist (Derek Wellman)
- The Bishop had always wanted to play in a steel band (Carmen Mills)
- Guitars in worship are fine, but not giant xylophones (Philip Baxter)
- The catering staff hoped that the Bishop was not planning to emulate the former Archbishop of York’s prowess on the drums (Ray Morris)
- Our treasurer said we couldn’t afford a xylophone; so we had to improvise (Peter Sebbage)
- Here — these steel drums need tuning (Roger Holland).
It could, of course, have been something spirit-based in those urns:
- That’s the gin blessed. Now where’s the tonic? (Jonathan Haigh)
- Bishop censes rather than censors cathedral underground bootleg distillery (Ian Barge)
- Lord, bless this brew so quaff we do — Father, Son and 5% Spirit! (John Marshall)
- Holy spirit (Mervyn Cox)
- Our Lord turned water into wine; here, we’re trying to turn it into gin . . . another flick of this should do the trick (Geoffrey Robinson)
- This Bishop somehow ‘censed’ the spirit was divine (Richard Spray).
Some other entries that amused us:
- Bishop rehearses Covid-secure Chrism Mass (John Saxbee)
- Now, on Radio 4, Bishop’s asperging replaces Bells on Sunday (Geoffrey House)
- For taxpayers, a new pray-as-you-urn scheme (Michael Doe)
- There was quite a brew-ha-ha when the PCC discussed the installation (John Appleby)
- Bishop to Crook One, check! (Julian Ashton)
- Cana Re-visited (Richard Strudwick)
- The new installation for producing coffee was not quite as innocent as it seemed (Richard Hough)
- The Bishop’s home-brew this year is likely to be an excellent vintage (Lynda Sebbage)
- There was a proactive response following complaints about the coffee (Michael Foster)
- ‘Soon,’ said the Bishop, ‘from this base metal we will have enough gold to pay off the diocesan deficit’ (Richard Merrick)
- Urning merit in the crypt (Caroline Colvin)
- Perhaps an episcopal blessing would speed the cargo on its journey to the European Union? (Patrick Irwin)
- The Bishop would bless anything that was an improvement on the after-service coffee (Valerie Budd)
- I knew Doris’s tea was bad, but did it warrant calling out the diocesan deliverance team? (David Austin)
- There’s trouble brewing in the Church (Janet Stockton).
As ever, the winner receives a prize of Fairtrade chocolate, courtesy of Divine Chocolate. www.divinechocolate.com