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Have a go at the Church Times caption competition, and read the latest winner and top entries

by
19 March 2021

youtube/collegiate church of st mary, warwick

Have a go at our next caption competition (above) and win a prize of Fairtrade chocolate! 

Send your entries by email only to captioncompetition@churchtimes.co.uk by 9 a.m. on Monday 29 March. 


Here is the winning entry for last week: 

steve reynoldssteve reynolds

Today’s lesson is taken from He brews (Richard Martin)

 

WHAT exactly is the Bishop blessing?

Cryptic, to be sure — blessing a brewery or dousing a drum kit? (Martin Kettle).

Many thought that it was the former:

  • The transition had been made from Adam’s Ale to Bishop’s Beer in the crypt at St Mary’s, much to the Bishop’s delight (Daphne Foster)
  • The spirit is willing, and the Bishop prayed the beer wasn’t weak (Chris Coupe)
  • For Bishop Rob, it’s not wine that gladdens the human heart, but beer (Lesley Cope)
  • Bishop Rob wasn’t keen on wine; so he had a go at turning water into beer instead (Sue Chick)
  • Following evensong, the Bishop satisfied his ‘thirst after righteousness’ with a visit to the ‘Crypt Brewery’ (Mark Parry)
  • ‘If this doesn’t make the beer taste better, I’ll eat my mitre,’ said the Bishop (Bill de Quick)
  • As if reducing clergy numbers wasn’t bad enough, now the bishops are watering down our beer (Nigel Sinclair)
  • He couldn’t turn water into wine, but water into real ale was the next best option (Maree Foster)
  • The blessing at the brewery was going well until they were told what else was needed for the ‘Bishops Finger’ (Philip Lickley).

 

Others sensed a change in the church’s worship style:

  • He had been promised a steel-drum band, but all he got were tuneless urns (Brian Stevenson)
  • In the absence of kettledrums, the Bishop thought that tea urns might make the right sound (Jill Boal)
  • The Bishop never missed an opportunity to demonstrate his skills as a percussionist (Derek Wellman)
  • The Bishop had always wanted to play in a steel band (Carmen Mills)
  • Guitars in worship are fine, but not giant xylophones (Philip Baxter)
  • The catering staff hoped that the Bishop was not planning to emulate the former Archbishop of York’s prowess on the drums (Ray Morris)
  • Our treasurer said we couldn’t afford a xylophone; so we had to improvise (Peter Sebbage)
  • Here — these steel drums need tuning (Roger Holland).

It could, of course, have been something spirit-based in those urns:

  • That’s the gin blessed. Now where’s the tonic? (Jonathan Haigh)
  • Bishop censes rather than censors cathedral underground bootleg distillery (Ian Barge)
  • Lord, bless this brew so quaff we do — Father, Son and 5% Spirit! (John Marshall)
  • Holy spirit (Mervyn Cox)
  • Our Lord turned water into wine; here, we’re trying to turn it into gin . . . another flick of this should do the trick (Geoffrey Robinson)
  • This Bishop somehow ‘censed’ the spirit was divine (Richard Spray).

Some other entries that amused us:

  • Bishop rehearses Covid-secure Chrism Mass (John Saxbee)
  • Now, on Radio 4, Bishop’s asperging replaces Bells on Sunday (Geoffrey House)
  • For taxpayers, a new pray-as-you-urn scheme (Michael Doe)
  • There was quite a brew-ha-ha when the PCC discussed the installation (John Appleby)
  • Bishop to Crook One, check! (Julian Ashton) 
  • Cana Re-visited (Richard Strudwick)
  • The new installation for producing coffee was not quite as innocent as it seemed (Richard Hough)
  • The Bishop’s home-brew this year is likely to be an excellent vintage (Lynda Sebbage)
  • There was a proactive response following complaints about the coffee (Michael Foster)
  • ‘Soon,’ said the Bishop, ‘from this base metal we will have enough gold to pay off the diocesan deficit’ (Richard Merrick)
  • Urning merit in the crypt (Caroline Colvin)
  • Perhaps an episcopal blessing would speed the cargo on its journey to the European Union? (Patrick Irwin)
  • The Bishop would bless anything that was an improvement on the after-service coffee (Valerie Budd)
  • I knew Doris’s tea was bad, but did it warrant calling out the diocesan deliverance team? (David Austin)
  • There’s trouble brewing in the Church (Janet Stockton).

 

As ever, the winner receives a prize of Fair­trade chocolate, courtesy of Divine Chocolate. www.divinechocolate.com

Forthcoming Events

25 September 2021
Festival of Faith and Literature: Food for the Journey
With Stephen Cottrell, Peter Stanford, Lucy Winkett, and Rowan Williams.

20 October 2021
Does the parish need saving?
Warnings that the parish is under threat date back decades. But are claims that it is now being dismantled accurate? Join our panel for a lively online debate.

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