Have a go at our next caption competition (right) and win a prize of Fairtrade chocolate!
Send your entries by email only to
by 9 a.m. on Monday 1 March.
Here is the winning entry from last week:
russell sachrussell sach
Two major sources of CO² emissions that need immediate elimination if the Church wants to reach its net-zero target by 2030 (David Sparkes)
WHEN the virus first hit, we probably thought that things would return to normal by Candlemas. But it was not to be:
- Candlemas 2021: a single cantor, no choir, and a dozen unheld candles (Julia Norman)
- Hadn’t they heard the new lockdown rule — Candlemas displays limited to four candles only? (Jonathan Haigh)
- I asked for socially distanced candles (Janet Stockton)
- There were more candles than worshippers in this socially distanced service (Patrick Irwin).
Perhaps being unable to attend services for so long has led some to ponder more seriously the health-and-safety implications:
- As the Dean sang ‘Light up the fire, let the flames burn. . . ,’ he realised the candles were too close to the tree — and urgent preventative action was required (Alison Parry)
- By a strange coincidence, the first item for discussion at the next PCC meeting was fire insurance (Michael Foster)
- Doing the risk assessment had taken longer than holding the service (Valerie Budd)
- Waxdrops keep falling on my head (Mike Beaman)
- In these circumstances, a Canterbury cap or mortar board are strongly advised (John Hutchinson)
- Celebrating the Dean’s birthday at evensong was becoming a fire hazard (Mark Parry).
The message about reducing carbon emissions seems to be getting through:
- Using candles as an alternative form of heating to save the planet was proving to be an illuminating experience (Maree Foster)
- Pensions Board announces further reduction in use of fossil fuels (Michael Doe)
- With the increase in electricity bills from 1 April, the cathedral got ahead of the game and stocked up on candles (John Radford)
- The cathedral administrator had forgotten to pay the electricity bill, again (Avril Forrest)
- The diocese says we can keep the vicar — provided we reduce the electricity bill (Chris Hammett).
This man has never been seen in the same room as one of the world’s leading New Testament scholars:
- It will take more than this corona to silence N. T. Wright (John Saxbee)
- To make someone look like Tom Wright, The brief needs to go beyond sight, Success needs the looks, But more so the books, So rather than sing, make him write (Paul and Joanna Clifford).
Some other entries that we enjoyed (sorry that we havent space to print them all):
- The new verger clearly didn’t read that the service was Candlemas, not a mass of candles (Chris Coupe)
- Celebrating the feast of St Lucy had really gone to his head (Peter M Potter)
- We will now sing the hymn version of Elton John’s ‘Candle in the Wind’ (Peter Walker)
- Fr John turned his back on the other members of the choir to give a rousing rendition of ‘Lead, kindly Light, amid the encircling gloom’ (Daphne Foster)
- The cantor had such a light touch (Bill de Quick)
- Pod Clock would wait for the sermon when the human beans would surely be asleep. Then he’d grab that candle! (ref. The Borrowers, by Mary Norton) (Clare Griffiths)
- Someone said I looked aflame with faith, but I didn’t feel it (Robert Shooter)
- I told you that the halo should have been made using imperial measurements, not metric (Peter Sebbage)
- You expect me to look happy when I’m singing an Elton John song? (Martin Kettle).
As ever, the winner receives a prize of Fairtrade chocolate, courtesy of Divine Chocolate. www.divinechocolate.com