*** DEBUG END ***

Have a go at the Church Times caption competition, and read the latest winner and top entries

16 April 2021

Kathryn Percival

Have a go at our next caption competition (above) and win a prize of Fairtrade chocolate! 

Send your entries by email only to captioncompetition@churchtimes.co.uk by 9 a.m. on Monday 26 April.  


Here is the winning entry for last week: 

neil kelleyneil kelley

Just when you thought bishops couldn’t get any more PC (Daniel Sandham)


THERE have been reports recently about the police seeking to ensure that social distancing is observed properly in public worship — but we were not aware of new tactics:

  • Despite the disguise, it was pretty obvious that the police were checking the Palm Sunday service for social distancing (Richard Spray)
  • He thought this might help to ensure proper social distancing in the Palm Sunday procession (John Hutchinson)
  • PC Jermyns went undercover to check out social distancing on Palm Sunday (Bridget Swan)
  • We have ways of making you do social distancing (Richard Hough)
  • Anyone who does not join the Palm Sunday procession will be fined and sent to prison (Bill de Quick)
  • OK — which one of you forgot to use the gel? (Lynda Sebbage)
  • On this Palm Sunday, crowd control was delegated to the local Met chaplain (Roger Knight).


New directions for Bishop North?

  • When you have eucharist at 10 and an audition for Line of Duty at 11 (Julie Minns)
  • Bishop Philip begins his new role as chaplain to Special Branch (Paul Bradbury)
  • The Community Support Officer (NSM) stood in for the vicar at the last minute on Palm Sunday (Paul MacDermott)
  • The invitation to communion: ‘Right, then, let’s be ‘avin’ you’ (Geoffrey Robinson)
  • Accused of imitating a police officer, the Bishop produced photographic evidence that he was working for Special Branch (Trevor Thurston-Smith)
  • Bishop North’s new mitre really fits the Old Bill! (Che Seabourne).


Some other entries that we enjoyed:

  • Hit me with that palm branch and I’ll report you for police brutality (Peter Potter)
  • Chaplain to the Rome Carbinieri awards himself the Palme d’Or (Ian Barge)
  • Peter belonged to Special Branch — and it showed! (Patrick Irwin)
  • Vicar: ‘There’s something wrong with this mic.’ Congregation: ‘And also with you’ (Mervyn Cox)
  • The Church militant flexing her missals (Richard Strudwick)
  • Palms — Face — Space (Paul Brett)
  • Speculation that the House of Bishops had responded to criticism of the Clergy Discipline Measure by setting up an Inquisition wing turned out to be spot on (Nick Ralph)
  • You have the right to remain seated, and wear a mask; any thing you say will be forgiven! Happy Easter (Clive Deverell)
  • Sponsorship of the Palm Sunday mass by the YMCA came at some personal cost to the Bishop (Chris Beeson)
  • Me a copper, me a copper, me a maxima copper (David Hill)
  • You are not obliged to say anything (John Lloyd)
  • Welcome to our annual YMCA service (Alistair Bolt)
  • Caution: Red Notice for anyone caught saying ‘Mother of God’ not in the line of duty (Alwyn Ladell)
  • This week, we are reflecting on silly hats, and next week we will be celebrating the ministry of silly walks (Martin Hennessy-Smith)
  • Remember that protesters will be arrested. Don’t wave your palms this year (Janet Stockton)
  • Fr Jason illustrated the new translation of Matthew chapter 13: ‘Gather first the tares and burn them, but gather the wheat into protective custody’ (William Clocksin)
  • Its washing instructions were all Greek to me (Robert Shooter)
  • The first person to laugh at my hat gets whacked with the palms (Olwyn Marlow)
  • Bishops deny widespread policing of the liturgy (Jonnie Parkin)
  • When the officer was told to take the stand and raise his palm, this isn’t quite what they meant (Trevor Oakes)
  • That’ll be a triumphal entry in the pocketbook (Martin Kettle)
  • Go north! (Mike Peatman)
  • The police of the Lord be always with you (Philip Deane)
  • Let us join together in the words: ‘It’s fun to stay at the YMCA!’ (Michele Simms)
  • A mistake often made during Holy Week is to confuse religious and secular authority (Michael Foster)
  • There are times when an SSM may be on call for both secular and parish duties (Valerie Budd).


As ever, the winner receives a prize of Fair­trade chocolate, courtesy of Divine Chocolate.


Forthcoming Events

20 September 2021
Online book launch: Black, Gay, British, Christian, Queer
Author Jarel Robinson-Brown in conversation with Rev. Winnie Varghese.

25 September 2021
Festival of Faith and Literature: Food for the Journey
With Stephen Cottrell, Peter Stanford, Lucy Winkett, and Rowan Williams.

More events

Welcome to the Church Times

​To explore the Church Times website fully, please sign in or subscribe.

Non-subscribers can read four articles for free each month. (You will need to register.)