Have a go at our next caption competition (right) and win a prize of Fairtrade chocolate!
Send entries by email only to email@example.com by 9 a.m., Thursday 23 December.
Here is the winning entry for last week:
They heard “Fore, all the saints” and dived for cover (Valerie Budd)
AN ALMOST inevitable mix-up this week, with every cleric’s favourite hot beverage:
- More tee, Vicar? (John Radford)
- The vicar misunderstood being asked to tee (Chris Coupe)
- In her posh new parish, the vicar had clearly misunderstood the invitation to tea after mattins (David Hill)
- Vicar awaits ‘Tee’ (Aaron Milne)
- There didn’t seem to be many takers for the vicar’s tee party (Derek Wellman)
- When her Reverend saw the sign ‘Tee Reserved’, she began looking for her mug (Christine Robinson)
- Despite the effort the vicar putt into her sermon-on-the-mount address, the churchwardens still disappeared for tee (Paul MacDermott)
- Tee time always seemed a long way off (Rob Falconer)
- Where is everyone? I’m sure they said we were to attend tea after evensong (Nick Baker)
- Where’s my cuppa? (Fiona Drinkell)
- Now . . . they said something about tea being held over here for the new vicar . . . hmmm! (John Rolley)
- Well, this is a balls-up; where’s the tea? (Paulette Yallop)
- This wasn’t what Mary expected when she heard the offer ‘Tea, Vicar? (Sue Chick)
- She wished that the invitation to the WI tea event had been in writing rather than by telephone (Hazel Rea).
It is commendable to hear of bishops’ modelling work-life balance, but has one of them taken things a bit far?
- The chaplain was asked to keep watch over the Bishop on his days off, and to retrieve any balls which went astray (Richard Hough)
- Now I know why being a bishop’s chaplain sometimes feels like being a golf caddy (Ian Barge).
Perhaps it’s time for a fresh expression of golf:
- Vicar starts new outreach ministry of birdie-spotting (Mark Green)
- Having been blinded by the sun and baffled by the shouts of ‘Fore!’, Sarah decided to head straight across the fairway to the 19th tee to deliver her Advent message to the club members (Daphne Foster)
- The vicar was confirmed in her view that an open-air service on a golf course was bunkers (Brian Stevenson)
- Jane’s version of ‘The Twelve Days of Christmas’ really appealed to the golfing fraternity at their Christmas service (Vicky Deasley).
Some other entries that we enjoyed:
- . . . and I still expect a nice loud response following each commandment, from those already at the 19th! (David Hanford)
- It’s amazing how often clergy are away on a course! (John Saxbee)
- Fore! The Advent hymns have teed off with number 36 wide in the rough. Numbers 41, 39, and 30 have made the fairway, as has Psalm 82. That’s five balls; so no approval needed (Geoffrey House)
- The minister could see a fairway to heaven (Mark Parry)
- Anyone seen my mower? (Louise Comb)
- Being heard at the back was a regular Sunday problem, but 430 yards (par 5) was beyond a joke! (John Appleby)
- The vicar didn’t mind agreeing to preach from the eagle, but she wished they’d hurry up and score one (Philip Lickley)
- Don’t worry, everyone. The shepherds are on their way (Susan Patel)
- Oh dear! Golf balls don’t walk on water (Linda Moulding)
- . . . and lead us not into frustration; but deliver us an Eagle. . . (Julian Ashton)
- It was a remarkably clever shot to have hit both the Bishop and the Archdeacon (Patrick Irwin)
- Here he is coming in a cloud with power and glory (Arthur Hawes)
- Those of you sitting at the back, please come forward. There’s plenty of room in the front pews (Charlie Seligman)
- The club’s new ‘Dress Code’ was not universally popular, as it proved to be quite a handicap (Hugh Wikner)
- After blessing the parish’s new golf course, the vicar scored a miraculous three holes in one after making the inaugural drive from the first tee; but would the Secretary approve? (Mervyn Cox)
- She had a good look round before deciding whether to risk a five-ball match (Alison Woods)
- Yes! A holy in one! (Amy Hustwitt)
- Bishops v. Clergy and Laity! A far-sighted arrangement (Paul Brett)
- The distant scene I do not ask to see; one hole enough for me (Don Manley)
- Lo, the bridegroom cometh (Christopher Ward)
- Oh, dear, that drive landed in the rough. Not even divine inspiration will find that one (Richard Spray)
- Having blessed the balls, the vicar was left trying to work out how many were actually allowed to be used (Geoffrey Robinson)
- I knew it! The congregation are still in the clubhouse (Lynda Sebbage)
- She hoped there wouldn’t be a third Golf War (Michael Doe)
- Wesley’s line ‘The common round, the trivial task’ got them going (David Billin)
- The vicar finally discovered where all her parishioners went to on a Sunday morning (Lesley Cope).
As ever, the winner receives a prize of Fairtrade chocolate, courtesy of Divine Chocolate. divinechocolate.com