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Have a go at the Church Times caption competition, and read the latest winner and top entries

01 April 2021

Neil Kelley

Have a go at our next caption competition (above) and win a prize of Fairtrade chocolate! 

Send your entries by email only to captioncompetition@churchtimes.co.uk by 9 a.m. on Monday 12 April. 

Here is the winning entry for last week:

youtube/collegiate church of st mary, warwickyoutube/collegiate church of st mary, warwick

Go in peace to love and serve the Lord — and we know where you live (Nigel Walsh)


READERS will be familiar with the increasingly parlous situation of diocesan finances, but we were not aware of the measures to which some had resorted to balance the books:

  • The Board of Finance had outsourced funding the ministry to the Mafia (Philip Baxter)
  • Please welcome our new curate, Father Gambino, who likes to hold on to some of the trappings of his previous profession (Jonathan Haigh)
  • I and my brother, Dino, will be visiting to encourage you to join our stewardship campaign (Paul Clifford)
  • Ave Mafia (Derek Wellman)
  • We have ways of making you believe (Trevor Oakes)
  • See what happens when you accept a contribution from the Mafia (William Scott)
  • The fees are payable to me now, or, if you prefer, my colleague on my left will be round to see you during the week (Philip Deane).


Others had a less menacing explanation for the change of look:

  • Tonight, Mathew, I am going to be one half of The Blues Brothers (Hayley Berry)
  • Blues Brother meets Soul Brother (Stewart Ridley)
  • Introducing Revd Blue’s Brother (John Naylor)
  • Hello, The Pews brothers (Amelia Fernandez)
  • The good news brothers (Howard Cherry)
  • Well, I never felt more like singing the blues (Richard Spray)
  • Blues Pastor — he can help you heal your soul, man (Danika Lloyd)
  • The Purple Brothers (Bob Clark)
  • A prayer a day keeps the Blues away (Jeni Borlase)
  • Forget the Blues Brothers, here come the Blues Fathers (Emma Harris)
  • One of the Blues Brothers gave up wearing a hat and dark glasses for Lent’ (Peter Walker)
  • Songs of Praise meets Men in Black (Patrick Irwin).


It must be love?

  • Madness (Laura Baker)
  • Guess which priest had just arrived ‘hot foot’ from the Madness concert (Mark Parry)
  • The new priest clearly misunderstood when his latest Church was referred to as House of Fun (Laura Moya)
  • Madness by candlelight (Peter Sebbage).


Some other entries that we enjoyed:

  • Have you seen the light? I have — and, believe me, it’s very bright (Julian Ashton)
  • Tweedledum or Tweedledee? (Maree Foster)
  • For an encore, the cantor decided to sing incognito (Michael Foster)
  • A case of Canon Jekyll and Father Hyde? (Richard Hough)
  • I am only here to ensure he maintains the ‘omertà’ (Valerie Stokes)
  • I said you could save souls man, not sing ‘Soul Man’ (Joe Maher)
  • The congregation had to decide whether they preferred their vicar instant or filtered (Mervyn Cox)
  • Vicar, you’re on mute . . . and maybe turn off the Roy Orbison Zoom filter? (Geoffrey House)
  • Now he sees through a glass, darkly (John Hutchinson)
  • Spot the difference: Father and Brother (Liz Simpson)
  • The Low Church answer to the Biretta (Richard Strudwick)
  • You sing bass, I’ll sing descant (Angela Bowen)
  • He is the shade upon my right hand (Janet Stockton)
  • Here is the Good and the Bad, but where’s Ugly? (Phil Goodey)
  • Ours is a diocese of two halves: if you can’t see the join, don’t join the See (Martin Kettle)
  • All this technology is giving me the blues (Barry Lear)
  • And it’s a blessing from him and a commination from me (Celia Stevenson)
  • I thought you said we were singing ‘Here Comes The Sun’ (Rose Janes)
  • The Archdeacon before and after his licensing (John Saxbee)
  • Shades and Grey (Michael Doe)
  • That feeling when your biretta filter glitches (Jonnie Parkin)


As ever, the winner receives a prize of Fair­trade chocolate, courtesy of Divine Chocolate.


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