Have a go at our next caption competition (above) and win a prize of Fairtrade chocolate!
Send your entries by email only to email@example.com by 9 a.m. on Monday 2 November.
Here is the winning entry from last week:
Diocese of LiverpoolDiocese of Liverpool
Eyes and ears,
not mouth, nor nose
Mask, elbows, Deacons’ stoles
WE HAVE been pleased to see readers respond so enthusiastically to the return of the caption competition, and to see familiar names (and some new ones) sending in entries.
It has certainly been a strange time to be ordained:
- The newly ordained deacons were frantically trying to remember what they were required to do next without touching anything with their newly sanitised hands (Daphne Foster)
- Administering Covid elbow-bumps was a late addition to the ordination rubric (Nicholas Pond)
- Deacons assemble: introducing new superheroes complete with superpower; love of God (Paula Ward)
- As part of their ordination, the deacons had to demonstrate the new normal for sharing the Peace (Michael Foster)
- For the final part of their ordination liturgy, the newly ordained deacons performed ‘The Curates’ Egg’ as the cathedral organist played ‘The Birdie Dance’ on the organ (John Radford)
- Dot, Dash, Dot — that’s ‘R’. We’ve had ‘O’. Is your word ‘ordination’? (John Appleby)
- Not just comradely elbow-bumping, but practice for the future: elbowing their way to the top (Alison Rollin)
- Curate Training 101: ‘You have to develop sharp elbows if you want to change something’ (Chris Hammett)
- Sorry, deacons, even now you’re ordained, you can’t all be stones. Someone has to be scissors and paper (Robert Gould)
- The three wise deacons: speak no evil, speak no evil, speak no evil (Barry Knott).
It appears that the clergy are getting creative to find ways round the restrictions on singing in church:
- While singing was still off limits, the actions for the ‘Birdy Song’ were still acceptable — but only during Ordinary Time (David Sparkes)
- Although we are banned from singing, we can still mime the birdie song (Carol Abson)
- At Liverpool Cathedral, the Clerical Goodies’ perform a ‘Covid-free version’ of the ‘Funky Chicken’ (Mark Parry).
There were some ornithological entries:
- Yes, Fathers, we all remember the ‘Birdie Song’, but Matins starts in five minutes. . . (Michael Winterbottom)
- Here we sit like birds in the wilderness (Diana Briggs)
- ‘Oh, for the wings’. . . (Denis Metrustery)
- It’s not working, I can’t fly. The ornithological change hasn’t kicked in yet (Sonya Doragh)
- ‘We once were ugly ducklings’. . . (Giles Carpenter)
Some other entries that we enjoyed:
- The threesome thought they were forming a link diocese (Sue Chick)
- The clergy removed their breastplates of righteousness and put on more practical pieces of armour to protect them in the the bodily battle with the new enemy (Mervyn Cox)
- The Destiny’s Child tribute act was surprisingly popular at the harvest service (Derek Walmsley)
- Joe Wicks need not worry (Vicky Deasley)
- Three marketeers (Janet Johnson)
- When we grow up, we want to be flying bishops (Janet Stockton)
- The Bishop was adamant that TikTok videos were the way forward for the clergy (David Walker)
- Hey Macarena! (Roger Chamberlain)
- Despite best efforts, the new vicars still couldn’t get the hang of the YMCA (Ian Morgan)
- Trying to lighten the mood as three French hens didn’t really work (Tim Robinson)
- With a little bit of this and a little bit of that. . . (Rose Wilson).
The winner receives a prize of Fairtrade chocolate, courtesy of Divine Chocolate: www.divinechocolate.com.