Have a go at our next caption competition (above) and win a prize of Fairtrade chocolate!
Send your entries by email only to email@example.com by 9 a.m. on Monday 4 January.
Here is the winning entry from last week:
Yes, I can confirm that five loaves and two fish will be regarded as a “substantial meal” (Stephen Herring)
THE Government has created some confusion, it seems, about what constitutes a “substantial meal” to be served with alcohol:
- Do you mean to say that there are no Scotch eggs left? (Brian Stevenson)
- But Michael Gove assured me that chewing my pen counts as a substantial meal (Ray Morris)
- Thank you, and a Scotch egg on the side, please (Linda Hardwick)
- I gather you are selling a beer called ‘A Complete Meal’ and pretending that you are ‘The Church of the Nine Pizzas’ (Ian Barge)
- Remind me, how many extra toppings do I need for this to be classed a substantial meal? (Daphne Foster)
- A question now from the cathedral: ‘And so, minister, how much wine can one drink with a transubstantial meal?’ (Caroline Shuttleworth).
It’s anyone’s guess what the Chancellor ordered in the end:
- I know it’s not on the menu, but what I’d really like for afters is a double dose of the vaccine (Richard Strudwick)
- You asked for the Rish of the Day? (Kate Carter)
- Are you still doing the half-price Rishi Dishi? (John Rhodes)
- Well, yes, I do have an allergy, but it’s not to anything on the blackboard. . . (John Swanson).
Perhaps a meal to mark the end of the Brexit transition period?
- Would you like Freedom Fries with that? (James Hill)
- He’s wondering whether no meal really is better than a bad meal (John Saxbee).
Some other entries that we enjoyed:
- There went out a decree from Chancellor Rishi that everyone should be taxed in their own city — subject, of course, to coronavirus travel restrictions (Michael Foster)
- Looks like Rishi’s left to foot the bill — again! (Peter Beal)
- Store up for yourself heaven in the Treasury (John Appleby)
- No likelihood of these bottles of water being changed into wine (Lesley Cope)
- I suppose from now on you are going to take everything I say with a large pinch of salt (Geoffrey Robinson)
- Take one bottle into this shower? Not when you can print money you don’t (Phil Miller)
- Yes, it’s been my lucky tie since I made head boy at Winchester (Martin Kettle)
- My measures can’t save the stable: there was no plaice at the inn (Robert Shooter)
- Lonely Christmas and a distanced New Year! (Patrick Irwin)
- It’s safer here than at No. 11 (Janet Stockton)
- The Chancellor had no hesitation in granting a faculty to convert the north transept into a café bar (Dan Cocker)
- Faith in the City? Of course. Some of my best friends work there (Michael Doe)
- So, to recap: the price of wine will go up, but the price of black pudding will come down (Peter Sebbage)
- Rishi reassured his constituents that he was working: the café was just his Zoom background (Sue Chick).
As ever, the winner receives a prize of Fairtrade chocolate, courtesy of Divine Chocolate. www.divinechocolate.com