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Have a go at the Church Times caption competition, and read the previous winner and top entries

by
18 December 2020

St Clement’s, Chorlton-cum-Hardy

Have a go at our next caption competition (above) and win a prize of Fairtrade chocolate!

Send your entries by email only to captioncompetition@churchtimes.co.uk by 9 a.m. on Monday 4 January.

 

Here is the winning entry from last week: 

PAPA

Yes, I can confirm that five loaves and two fish will be regarded as a “substantial meal” (Stephen Herring)

 

THE Government has created some confusion, it seems, about what constitutes a “substantial meal” to be served with alcohol:

  • Do you mean to say that there are no Scotch eggs left? (Brian Stevenson)
  • But Michael Gove assured me that chewing my pen counts as a substantial meal (Ray Morris)
  • Thank you, and a Scotch egg on the side, please (Linda Hardwick)
  • I gather you are selling a beer called ‘A Complete Meal’ and pretending that you are ‘The Church of the Nine Pizzas’ (Ian Barge)
  • Remind me, how many extra toppings do I need for this to be classed a substantial meal? (Daphne Foster)
  • A question now from the cathedral: ‘And so, minister, how much wine can one drink with a transubstantial meal?’ (Caroline Shuttleworth).

It’s anyone’s guess what the Chancellor or­­dered in the end:

  • I know it’s not on the menu, but what I’d really like for afters is a double dose of the vaccine (Richard Strudwick)
  • You asked for the Rish of the Day? (Kate Carter)
  • Are you still doing the half-price Rishi Dishi? (John Rhodes)
  • Well, yes, I do have an allergy, but it’s not to anything on the blackboard. . . (John Swanson).


Perhaps a meal to mark the end of the Brexit transition period?

  • Would you like Freedom Fries with that? (James Hill)
  • He’s wondering whether no meal really is better than a bad meal (John Saxbee).


Some other entries that we enjoyed:

  • There went out a decree from Chancellor Rishi that everyone should be taxed in their own city — subject, of course, to coronavirus travel restric­tions (Michael Foster)
  • Looks like Rishi’s left to foot the bill — again! (Peter Beal)
  • Store up for yourself heaven in the Treasury (John Appleby)
  • No likelihood of these bottles of water being changed into wine (Lesley Cope)
  • I suppose from now on you are going to take everything I say with a large pinch of salt (Geoffrey Robinson)
  • Take one bottle into this shower? Not when you can print money you don’t (Phil Miller)
  • Yes, it’s been my lucky tie since I made head boy at Winchester (Martin Kettle)
  • My measures can’t save the stable: there was no plaice at the inn (Robert Shooter)
  • Lonely Christmas and a distanced New Year! (Patrick Irwin)
  • It’s safer here than at No. 11 (Janet Stockton)
  • The Chancellor had no hesitation in granting a faculty to convert the north transept into a café bar (Dan Cocker)
  • Faith in the City? Of course. Some of my best friends work there (Michael Doe)
  • So, to recap: the price of wine will go up, but the price of black pudding will come down (Peter Sebbage)
  • Rishi reassured his constituents that he was working: the café was just his Zoom background (Sue Chick).


As ever, the winner receives a prize of Fair­trade chocolate, courtesy of Divine Chocolate. www.divinechocolate.com

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