*** DEBUG END ***

Have a go at the Church Times caption competition, and read the previous winner and top entries

18 December 2020

St Clement’s, Chorlton-cum-Hardy

Have a go at our next caption competition (above) and win a prize of Fairtrade chocolate!

Send your entries by email only to captioncompetition@churchtimes.co.uk by 9 a.m. on Monday 4 January.


Here is the winning entry from last week: 


Yes, I can confirm that five loaves and two fish will be regarded as a “substantial meal” (Stephen Herring)


THE Government has created some confusion, it seems, about what constitutes a “substantial meal” to be served with alcohol:

  • Do you mean to say that there are no Scotch eggs left? (Brian Stevenson)
  • But Michael Gove assured me that chewing my pen counts as a substantial meal (Ray Morris)
  • Thank you, and a Scotch egg on the side, please (Linda Hardwick)
  • I gather you are selling a beer called ‘A Complete Meal’ and pretending that you are ‘The Church of the Nine Pizzas’ (Ian Barge)
  • Remind me, how many extra toppings do I need for this to be classed a substantial meal? (Daphne Foster)
  • A question now from the cathedral: ‘And so, minister, how much wine can one drink with a transubstantial meal?’ (Caroline Shuttleworth).

It’s anyone’s guess what the Chancellor or­­dered in the end:

  • I know it’s not on the menu, but what I’d really like for afters is a double dose of the vaccine (Richard Strudwick)
  • You asked for the Rish of the Day? (Kate Carter)
  • Are you still doing the half-price Rishi Dishi? (John Rhodes)
  • Well, yes, I do have an allergy, but it’s not to anything on the blackboard. . . (John Swanson).

Perhaps a meal to mark the end of the Brexit transition period?

  • Would you like Freedom Fries with that? (James Hill)
  • He’s wondering whether no meal really is better than a bad meal (John Saxbee).

Some other entries that we enjoyed:

  • There went out a decree from Chancellor Rishi that everyone should be taxed in their own city — subject, of course, to coronavirus travel restric­tions (Michael Foster)
  • Looks like Rishi’s left to foot the bill — again! (Peter Beal)
  • Store up for yourself heaven in the Treasury (John Appleby)
  • No likelihood of these bottles of water being changed into wine (Lesley Cope)
  • I suppose from now on you are going to take everything I say with a large pinch of salt (Geoffrey Robinson)
  • Take one bottle into this shower? Not when you can print money you don’t (Phil Miller)
  • Yes, it’s been my lucky tie since I made head boy at Winchester (Martin Kettle)
  • My measures can’t save the stable: there was no plaice at the inn (Robert Shooter)
  • Lonely Christmas and a distanced New Year! (Patrick Irwin)
  • It’s safer here than at No. 11 (Janet Stockton)
  • The Chancellor had no hesitation in granting a faculty to convert the north transept into a café bar (Dan Cocker)
  • Faith in the City? Of course. Some of my best friends work there (Michael Doe)
  • So, to recap: the price of wine will go up, but the price of black pudding will come down (Peter Sebbage)
  • Rishi reassured his constituents that he was working: the café was just his Zoom background (Sue Chick).

As ever, the winner receives a prize of Fair­trade chocolate, courtesy of Divine Chocolate. www.divinechocolate.com

Forthcoming Events

25 September 2021
Festival of Faith and Literature: Food for the Journey
With Stephen Cottrell, Peter Stanford, Lucy Winkett, and Rowan Williams.

20 October 2021
Does the parish need saving?
Warnings that the parish is under threat date back decades. But are claims that it is now being dismantled accurate? Join our panel for a lively online debate.

More events

Welcome to the Church Times

​To explore the Church Times website fully, please sign in or subscribe.

Non-subscribers can read four articles for free each month. (You will need to register.)