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Have a go at the Church Times caption competition, and read the previous winner and top entries

13 March 2020


Have a go at our next caption competition (above) and win a prize of Fairtrade chocolate!

Send your entries by email to captioncompetition@churchtimes.co.uk or by post (postcards only) to:

Caption Competition
Church Times
Invicta House
108-114 Golden Lane
London EC1Y 0TG

Entries must be received by Friday 20 March.  

Here is the winning entry from last week:

courtesy of Bishop Graham Kingscourtesy of Bishop Graham Kings

If you run out of wine and Oddbins is shut . . . (Nick Baker)


THE wedding at Cana came to the minds of many entrants in this week’s competition. Some had more faith than others in the Bishops’ powers to emulate our Lord’s first miracle:

  • En masse, the Bishops attempted to produce a fine Sauvignon (Lynda Sebbage)
  • How many Bishops does it take to change water into wine? Answers to. . .? (Vicky Lundberg)
  • Nope, it’s still water (Claire Todd)
  • Not six stone jars, just one jug of water, but could all this episcopal power perform a miracle?! (Lesley Cope)
  • If that doesn’t turn into a nice drop of Merlot, I’ll eat my mitre! (John Saxbee)
  • After the cheap plonk, the delegates were praying for claret AD 30 (Arani Sen)
  • Try as they might, they could not turn the water into wine (Josie Smith)
  • Of course it won’t work, you are not using six stone water jars (Alan Symonds)
  • The Bishops’ attempt to transform water into wine proved ineffective (Tony Price)
  • Jesus’s miracle at Cana was proving more difficult than first imagined (Simon Kesteven)
  • With this much faith in the room, running out of wine was not the problem it had first appeared to be (Emma Haggar)
  • Since the bishop kindly blessed my church bingo prize, it is turning water into wine. It might even turn it into champagne, if the archbishop ob­­liges (Djamal Abou)
  • The bishops were getting rather above them­selves when they thought they could turn the water into wine by the laying on of hands (Mervyn Cox)
  • Despite all your efforts, this still tastes like water, not wine (Daphne Foster)
  • No, not wine: the real trick is making the goldfish appear (Michael Doe).


Other types of alcohol are avail­able, of course:

  • There was no end of volunteers to sample the new epis­copal gin (Chris Coupe)
  • So many bishops had asked for gin and tonic that a jug of the mixture had been provided (Patrick Irwin).


Among the other entries that we enjoyed were:

  • The perfect pitcher! (Bridget Swan)
  • The re-enactment of Belshazzar’s feast included a holy vessel and indecipherable writing on the wall (Michael Foster)
  • On the count of three, I’ll let go, and let’s see if we can keep it up using the power of positive thinking (Andrew Greenhough)
  • Whoever was holding the jug when the hymn ended had to preach the sermon (Brian Steven­son)
  • ‘Eco Homo!’ Bishops dance the light fantastic. And celebrate the death of plastic (Ian Barge)
  • He was grateful for a pitcher for the sanctuary, but he’d actually asked for a picture of St Anthony (Ray Morris)
  • The visiting bishop couldn’t help wondering how he could safely transport the holy water on his journey home (Richard Hough)
  • They were equally divided: those for whom the jug is half full and those for whom it is half empty (Sue Chick)
  • The eight clerics all want the Water Jug. . . Is this a case of ‘a thirst after righteousness’? (Mark Parry)
  • Eight clerics around a jug of water? What a great pitcher! (Alison Parry)
  • No, it’s all mine, keep your hands off (Peter Walker)
  • Rumours that the water jug was a portal to heaven had been vastly overstated (Sorrel Wood)
  • Water, water everywhere but hardly a drop to drink or share (Richard Strudwick)
  • A celebration of the Episcopal Half-Full Club (Janet Stockton)
  • As everyone else fumbles their catch, the death of the conference’s mascot goldfish, Bob, is avoided thanks to one quick-thinking bishop (Philip Lickley)
  • The Bishop’s experiment in levitation was not as successful as he had hoped (Stephen Disley)
  • Having collectively prayed that the Archdeacon might be ‘transformed into the Lord’s chosen vessel’ the Bishops were delighted with the end result (Edward Martin).

As ever, the winner receives a prize of Fair­­trade chocolate, courtesy of Di­vine Chocolate.



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