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Have a go at the Church Times caption competition, and read the previous winner and top entries

23 August 2019

© Bill Smith

Have a go at our next caption competition (above) and win a prize of Fairtrade chocolate!

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ROCHESTER CATHEDRAL/TWITTERCommon Worship: the abridged version Andrew Craig

Here is this week’s winner:

Common Worship: the abridged version
Andrew Craig



THE national press has already had a field day with this silly-season story (Press, 9 August), especially the headline-writers.

Our readers were not missing out on the fun:

  • Fairway to Heaven (Andy Dixon)
  • Putt your trust in the Lord (Sue Chick) 
  • Rochester Cathedral causes a storm in a tee cup (Shaun Clarkson)
  • Between us and you there is a great golf fixed (Derek Wellman)
  • The nave proved to be a bridge too far (Chris Coupe)
  • The Dean was well known for his drive (Richard Hough)
  • The whole situation risked driving a wedge between the Dean and the Bishop (Andrew Greenhough)
  • No, no, no. I said, ‘Pray to the Holy One’, not ‘Pray for a hole in one (Christopher Whitmey)
  • At Rochester, they had always considered themselves to be hole-ier than thou (Derek Wellman)
  • The Anglican position was full of holes, as usual (John Appleby)
  • Bridge over troubled waters (Peter Potter)
  • Rochester tops the Rough Guide to English Cathedrals (Richard Barnes).

Parish churches increasingly have to compete with sporting activities. If you can’t beat ’em, join ’em?

  • Sunday morning golf has suddenly become more respectable (Patrick Irwin)
  • Pray ’n’ play (Richard Strudwick)
  • Controversially, the Dean persisted with an attempt to persuade evensong regulars to give up their Sunday morning round of golf in order to attend the cathedral eucharist (Alan Jewell).

A desperate attempt to attract new worshippers, or simply a misunderstanding?

  • A stray capital letter in the Dean’s memo ‘I want to Open up the cathedral’ seemed to have caused some confusion (Simon Archer)
  • The outreach team had misheard the diocesan evangelist when he suggested a Go Forth course (Ray Morris)
  • The Dean wondered whether the new curate, the Revd Faldo, understood what was meant by ‘Discipleship course’ (Anne-Marie Naylor).

Probably driven by financial worries (excuse the pun):

  • Sales were up in the Cathedral tee shop (Richard Martin)
  • While the vicar was on a brief summer holiday, the PCC decided that crazy golf would be a more interesting and lucrative use of the nave (William Clocksin)
  • No longer would the cathedral finances be below par (Brian Stevenson).

But who is to say that liturgical considerations didn’t come into play:

  • That was green sorted. Now for the rest of the liturgical colours (Jeremy Fletcher)
  • The green was fine for Trinity, but would they change it to purple for Advent? (Jill Boal)
  • The Vergers had been overenthusiastic in their celebration of ordinary time (Alexander Faludy).

Some other entries that we enjoyed (though, for reasons of space, we were unable to print many):

  • It’s like the Archbishop says: we put too many obstacles in the way of churchgoers these days (John Saxbee)
  • Birdy at the lectern; hole in one into the quire (Clare Lees)
  • The local Methodists had been invited to the cathedral for a ‘bridge-building’ exercise (Alison Parry)
  • Numbers for cathedral 7.30 a.m. said matins’ were par for the course (Mervyn Cox)
  • Rochester diocese unveils latest vocational exploration pathway (Ian Bartlett)
  • But does a holy-in-one contradict the doctrine of the Trinity? (Michael Foster)
  • The queue at the Pietà-bridge hole held everyone up. Hooray! (Vicky Lundberg)
  • The congregation had gone long before the organist finished his extemporisation on “There is a green hill far away (Michael Bell)
  • We really are St Andrew’s (Paul Brett)
  • Sorry, I can’t see you this week. I’m on a course at the cathedral (John Musson)
  • Junior Church are keen to demonstrate the famous Seven Bridges of Königsberg puzzle (Richard Crockett)
  • Now, what club should I use for this tee shot? My nave-iron, or my preaching-wedge? No, I’ll play it safe and use my . . . ‘cough-and-splutter’. . . (Che R. Seabourne)

As ever, the winner receives Fairtrade chocolate, courtesy of Divine Chocolate: www.divinechocolate.com.

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