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Have a go at the Church Times caption competition, and read the previous winner and top entries

01 March 2019


Have a go at our next caption competition (above) and win a prize of Fairtrade chocolate!

Email your entries to: captioncompetition@churchtimes.co.uk

or send by post (postcards only) to:

Caption Competition
Church Times
108-114 Golden Lane

London EC1Y 0TG

Entries must be received by Friday 8 March.


Railing against bishops really must be nipped in the bud

John Saxbee


THANKS to the Rector of Holy Trinity, Sloane Square, Canon Nicholas Wheeler, for drawing our attention to this on Twitter. It seemed like obvious material for the caption competition — and our readers duly obliged.

  • The Bishop was at the cutting edge of local evangelism (Patrick Irwin)
  • A cutting-edge sermon was expected by the crowd (Bill Petts)
  • The Bishop gave a cutting-edge address with two points (Kate Morris)
  • The Bishops made some cutting remarks about the younger generation (John Mark Parry)
  • Bishop Christopher welcomes the Archdeacon of Lewisham and Greenwich, Alastair Cutting (Michael Doe)
  • Cutting comments on youth evangelism from the House of Bishops in synod (Clive Deverell).


The school pupil pictured might be understandably nervous:

  • The young man was relieved he’d had his dreadlocks trimmed to meet the bishops, but was now concerned for his tie (Lesley Cope)
  • Oh dear — I’ve just snipped off the bottom of his tie (Lynda Sebbage)
  • Having failed to find the tape, the Bishop cut a piece off the head boy’s tie instead (Geoffrey Robinson)
  • Why on earth did I volunteer to have my hair cut by a bishop? (Michael Watts)
  • The Bishop pledges radical action to shorten the length of students’ ties (Edward Day).


Has austerity hit Southwark diocese? We hope not.

  • The first cut in the budget would be the deepest (Chris Coupe)
  • The Bishop had been sent into the diocese to cut out as much of the red tape as he could (Richard Hough)
  • For redundant clergy, especially bishops, a new liturgy of staff-cutting has just been introduced (Don Manley)
  • The newly consecrated Auxiliary Bishop has cut the stipends bill by a huge amount — but the diocesan bishop doesn’t want to know how he did it (John Penny)
  • The annual ceremony of the cutting of the diocesan budget had gone better than expected (Edward Mynors)


Some other entries brought a chuckle:

  • Bishop sharpens Brexit debate (Bryan Gadd)
  • Personally, I find them much more useful than a crozier (Richard Barnes)
  • Delilah would have loved a pair of these (Andrew Greenhough)
  • Keep smiling, but I don’t think even these scissors will cut through that (Bridget Swan)
  • With scissors that size, the Bishop’s crook was about to suffer the same fate as the young man’s tie (Michael Foster)
  • A signal to the chairman of governors not to let his talk go on too long (John Hutchinson)
  • Bishop, you’re getting deaf. I distinctly asked you to talk about schisms, not scissors (David Nash)
  • Sorry, Bishop Arthur, but it’s a great schism we’re here to discuss, not great scissors (Sue Chick)
  • A bishop’s regalia reflects his calling as shepherd: a crook, or maybe shears (Philip Belben)
  • The Diocesan Academy Chain’s trademark of shorter ties were launched (Vicky Lundberg)
  • Ve have vays of cutting short your licence (John Hutchinson)
  • The new Cathedral Barber’s shop has proved a big hit (Alison Parry)
  • We all know that bishops believe in cutting out the middle man, but wasn’t this taking things too far? (Jo Saunders)
  • I mitre known it! You wait ages for a bishop to show up in south London and then two turn up together (John Radford)
  • Scissors, paper, stone (Nicholas Cranfield)
  • They didn’t tell him the tape was made of iron (Richard Strudwick).

As ever, the winners receive some Fairtrade chocolate, courtesy of Divine Chocolate: www.divinechocolate.com.

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