Have a go at our next caption competition (right) and win a prize of Fairtrade chocolate!

Email your entries to: captioncompetition@churchtimes.co.uk

or send by post (postcards only) to:

Caption Competition
Church Times
108-114 Golden Lane
London EC1Y 0TG

Entries must be received by Friday 26 October.

PAPAHere are the winners from our last caption-competition photo of the Prime Minister, attending church (right):

Too late, the Vicar realised his mistake in basing his sermon on some words from Isaiah 4.3: “He that remaineth shall be called holy”

Ray Morris

Well, Philip, as I’ve said many times: no umbrella is better than a bad umbrella

Che Seabourne

FOR the Prime Minister, attending church must offer welcome refuge from the forces arrayed against her. First, of course, there are those within her party who wish her ill:

• Between the Tory Party at prayer and the Tory Party at war she wends her weary way (John Saxbee)
• Theresa left her only safely Boris-free zone (Vicky Lundberg)
• I’m making a quick getaway — just heard Boris is after my job (Lynda Sebbage)
• I know it isn’t raining, but I have to defend myself from the blunders of Boris (John Penny)
• Poised ready with his umbrella, Boris weighed up the pros and cons of his next step (Alison Rollin)
• Who will rid me of this turbulent Boris? (Edward Mynors) 
• ‘Crumbs,’ thought Theresa rather crossly, ‘as if a mouldy old umbrella is going to be any use. What I need is a life-raft at the very least’(Margaret Wallis)
• Tory wet or wet Tory? (Janet Stockton)
• Mrs May was wishing that that the service had not ended with ‘Will your anchor hold through the storms of life?’ It was not a good omen, she felt (Daphne Foster)

And then there’s that other B-word:

• The umbrella proved to be a vain attempt by the PM to protect herself from the Brexit fallout (Chris Coupe)
• Soft or hard, it’s still rain (Patrick Irwin)
• She was leaving by the vestry door to avoid a delegation of Brexiteers (Richard Hough)
• Compared with Brexit negotiations, walking on water was a doddle, Theresa May said (Sue Chick)
• In the context of the Brexit negotiations, the PM had felt uplifted by singing ‘For those in peril overseas’ (Maree Foster)
• After a tricky week in Westminster, followed by a sermon on the perils of Brexit, the last thing she wanted was a wet Sunday afternoon (Michael Foster)
• No-peal exit (Helen Donson)
• Theresa’s brrr exit (Barry Lear)
• Mrs May managed to negotiate a smooth (br)exit from church (John Radford)
• Leaving church on a wet and windy September morning brought a whole new meaning to Brrrexit! (Tom Keates)
• Heavy door — hard exit (Peter Sebbage)
• Turning right might seem the best option, but she was determined to continue relentlessly forward (Colin Cockshaw)
• There’s more to talk about than Brexit: take the weather, for example (Richard Strudwick)
• Somewhere over the rainbow. . . (Robert Shooter).

Some of our readers clearly enjoyed the PM’s party-conference speech (or at least the part where she danced on to the stage):

• It’s my Party and I’ll dance if I want to (Richard Barnes)
• The dancing queen slipped out of the service early to have another lesson on her moves (Sue Chick)
• As Mrs May contemplated her conference speech theme, ‘Singing in the rain’ naturally led on to ‘Dancing Queen’ (Christopher Tookey)
• Unfortunately, the organist had got his Abba music muddled up; so, instead of ‘Dancing Queen’, Mrs May (br)exited the church to the strains of ‘Abba, Father’ (John Radford).

Some readers managed to think of captions that didn’t mention the sunny uplands of a post-EU future:

• She ventured out of her Ark, although, thus far, there was no sign of a dove, nor yet of an olive branch (Neil Inkley)
• All the PM’s Conservative beliefs faded away when she finally realised that Jesus did not say ‘Blessed nuisance are the poor’ (David Hill)
• It’s more umbrella than handbag for this Prime Minister (Irene Beckett)
• The Vicar wasn’t sure whether to put his lot in with GAFCON, or to remain faithful to Canterbury. Would she suggest a hard or soft chexit? (Andrew Greenhough)
• My umbrella is strong and stable (Patrick Irwin)
• PM ready to face any shower, meteorological or political (Ian Barge)
• If she was quick, she might be able to get the collection to the Treasury on time (Paul Lishman).
  
  

As always, the winners receive chocolate courtesy of Divine Chocolate: www.divinechocolate.com.