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Have a go at the Church Times caption competition, and read the previous winner and top entries

18 May 2018

Have a go at our next caption competition (above) and win a prize of Fairtrade chocolate!

Email your entries to: captioncompetition@churchtimes.co.uk

or send by post (postcards only) to:

Caption Competition
Church Times
108-114 Golden Lane

London EC1Y 0TG

Entries must be received by Friday 25 May.

Here are the winners from our last caption-competition photo:

lambeth palacelambeth palace

I urged the congregation to raise the roof with the final hymn — and it landed over there

Valerie Budd

Yes, I was in the Village People, but only briefly

Heather Gregg

THE picture this week was not chosen with an eye on any particular feast — but trust our readers to make a connection:

  • The Ascension? He went thataway! (John Saxbee)

  • Why stand ye looking up into heaven? (Hannah Cleugh)

  • They were taking the drama of Ascension Day a little too far. . . (Deborah Vears)

  • The Archbishop was explaining his choice of vestments for the forthcoming Ascension Day service, which was to be held on the palace chapel roof (Daphne Foster).

Ascension Day, of course, marked the start of a certain prayer initiative:

  • We’ll know Thy Kingdom Come has been a success when we hear the loud command, the voice of the archangel, and the trumpet call of God (Andrew Greenhough)

  • The memory-stick is this long, and it’s got information on Thy Kingdom Come on it; so please keep digging until you find it (Sue Chick).

Some readers appeared to think that, of late, not every column in the Church Times had gone down well at Lambeth Palace:

  • Get out of my way! I’ve come to sort out Angela Tilby (John Hutchinson)

  • I was going to read the opinion column in CT; so I thought I’d better put my personal protective equipment on (Matthew Ling)

  • At the press conference, Archbishop Welby explained that the planned extension of the Church of England would go ahead, despite Canon Tilby’s lodging an appeal (Martin Joss).

The Archbishop’s donning of high-vis wear was motivated by more than health and safety, it appears:

  • His high-vis jacket was not to protect him but to warn parishioners of his approach (Eric Lishman)

  • No, I’m not George Osborne. No, I’m not suffering a vocation crisis: I’m trying to build a high-vis church (Ian Barge)

  • Justin is modelling the new high-vis chasuble with grey orphreys from our Health and Salvation range (Richard Barnes)

  • And, as the Archbishop, I therefore call on all clergy within the Church of England and the wider Anglican Communion to be more visible within society (Gary Clink)

  • Well, the evangelism adviser did suggest that the Bishop should be more visible in the community (Ray Morris).

The hard hat, however, served its core purpose of protecting the archiepiscopal head:

  • Oh, the hard hat? Well, one never knows what the congregation will throw if the sermon’s not up to standard (Peter Sebbage)

  • For his address to the Methodist Conference, the Archbishop had been advised to wear protective clothing (Patrick Irwin)

  • I like to wear a hard hat when talking about Evangelicalism (Heather Gregg)

  • Due to health and safety, it is recommended that all on church property wear these hats (Robert Shooter)

  • The cathedral pulpit is so high that health-and-safety insists we wear this gear when climbing into it (Lynda Sebbage)

  • Sorry, chaps, but I was told that John Humphreys would be here (John Saxbee).

Some readers cottoned on to the fact that Archbishop Welby was talking about the construction of a new library in his back garden:

  • My new library will also feature an area of long grass for shelving difficult issues (Richard Barnes)

  • If you look over there, you see the large section which will be set aside for Tom Wright’s books (Chris Coupe)

  • There will also be a selection of nearly new books for sale, which will be sourced from clergy who have now been ordained (Chris Coupe)

  • I want this built in three days (David Hughes)

  • The tour party stopped to talk to the builder, and were startled to discover that he was the Archbishop (Daphne Foster)

  • I wear this dog collar so that I can get in and out without any problem (Richard Hough).

Uppermost in the Archbishop’s mind may well have been the forthcoming royal wedding:

  • And then, after the blessing, Harry and Meghan make their exit as husband and wife on a zip wire (Andrew Greenhough)

  • The Archbishop, having publicly stated his propensity for dropping wedding rings, became slightly paranoid and called a press conference to reveal his new robes for the royal wedding, to assure people that they would not upstage Meghan Markle’s dress (Mervyn Cox).

Some other entries that we enjoyed:

  • The Archbishop was trying to explain why the Rebuild the Church of England in Three Days project was running behind schedule (Donald Wetherick)

  • We will rebuild the cathedral as soon as possible (Bridget Swan)

  • They soon realised that he could talk for 30 minutes on church candles without repetition or deviation (Eric Lishman)

  • Let me tell you about the helmet of salvation (Janet Stockton)

  • Once again, the helmet of salvation prepared for battle with the microphone of cynicism (Edward Mynors)

  • The new industrial mitre is unveiled (Peter Walker).

Two winners this week, who receive a prize of Fairtrade chocolate, courtesy of Divine: divinechocolate.com.

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