*** DEBUG END ***

Have a go at the Church Times caption competition, and read the previous winner and top entries

15 June 2018


Have a go at our next caption competition (above) and win a prize of Fairtrade chocolate!

Email your entries to: captioncompetition@churchtimes.co.uk

or send by post (postcards only) to:

Caption Competition
Church Times
108-114 Golden Lane

London EC1Y 0TG

Entries must be received by Friday 22 June.


Here are the winners from our last caption-competition photo:

george frostgeorge frost

I am your Father (Paul Taylor)

No, I’m not your father, he art in heaven (Tom Page)

FOR reasons that remain mysterious to us, this week’s photo prompted a deluge of references to archdeacons:

  • The Archdeacon’s Visitation took on a whole new dimension (Dave Bishop)

  • The Reverend Heddle dreaded visitations from Archdeacon Palpatine (George Frost)

  • Arch­deacon Darth decided to dress like his namesake (Chris Coupe)

  • The Archdeacon sent an enforce­ment team as the windows clearly didn’t have list-B approval (Andrew Greenhough)

  • The Archdeacon had arrived to escort Jeremy to his Clergy Discipline Panel hearing (Alexander Faludy)

  • He was prepared for the Archdeacon’s Visitation (Michael Doe)

  • Now, Archdeacon, we’re going to get a lovely Visitation Report, aren’t we? (Martin Miller)

We knew that attendance and finance were problems for many parishes, but we didn’t know it was this bad:

  • The Diocesan Encourage­ment Team were rounding up all those who had failed to provide October attendance figures (Edward Mynors)

  • The Diocesan Board of Finance came to collect the parish share (Bob Weldon)

Some readers suggested that parishes might be strengthening their defences against invasion by alien forces:

  • The HTB church-plant was not universally welcomed (Richard Barnes)

  • HTB insisted that the new church plant was not a takeover (Michael Doe)

  • The Vicar of St Luke’s was determined to deal with the Evangelical takeover, once and for all (Michael Gibb)

  • The last pockets of Messy Church had now been eliminated (Patrick Irwin)

Perhaps the General Synod’s relaxing of canonical vesture requirements had been interpreted too imaginatively?

  • The new outfits for the altar party have met with a mixed reception from the congregation, but the Vicar seems pleased (Jane Dobbie)

  • The Curate and the Readers decided on alternative ‘robes’ as it was the fourth Sunday in the month (Chris Coupe)

  • The newly ordained assistant curates took a relaxed view of Canon C27 (Derek Wellman)

  • The General Synod’s discussion on future clerical attire demonstrates aptly the turning from darkness to the light (Gary Crellin)

This could, of course, be a new way to spur congregational giving:

  • Would you like to donate to our roof fund? (Heather Gregg)

  • Fr Michael had a cunning plan to convince parishioners to meet their diocesan share (Philip Baxter)

  • As contributions to the collection plate reduce, Fr Higgins decided to take matters into his own hands (Neil Gow)

  • A Gift Day with a difference (Valerie Budd)

Some entries from Star Wars devotees, conversant with the scripts:

  • If you want to see your vicar again. . . (M J Leppard)

  • We find your lack of faith disturbing. . . (Stephen Taylor)

  • Fr Higgins smugly knows that Lord Vader will never find his lack of faith disturbing (Neil Gow)

  • V: ‘May the force be with you.’ R: ‘And with you, too’ (Tim Egan)

  • A long time ago, in a parish far far away (Adam Ransom)

And some other entries that we enjoyed:

  • Come on, Luke, Daddy’s here for your baptism (Kim Styles)

  • The Vicar introduced the new parish safeguarding team (Mervyn Cox)

  • An embarrassed Vader was regretful that he had not received the ‘white evening wear only’ memorandum (Guy Platten)

  • I’ll never turn to the dark side. You’ve failed, Your Highness. I am an Anglican, like my father before me (Mark Inglis)

  • It was a quietly disappointing hostage situation, but Darth was going to run with it (Russ Bravo)

  • Predictive spelling added a new twist to traditional tarts-and-vicars parties when it replaced ‘tarts’ with ‘startroopers’ (Edward Mynors)

  • The Revd Luke was aware that it had been many light years, and in a galaxy far far away, since the feast of St Arwars had been celebrated (Michael Foster)

  • The Vicar realised that there must have been a mistake in the advert for Three Wise Men (Dawn Rowley-White)

  • ‘By faith they turned to fight the armies of the aliens’ (Hebrews 11.34). ‘Good luck with that, Father!’ (John Saxbee)

  • I’m just a simple priest trying to make my way in the universe (Nicola Busby)

  • Luke should have known the dress code for a May the fourth induction (John Radford)

  • The Vicar is very imaginative when it comes to finding ways to increase church numbers (Lynda Sebbage)

  • Not many churches need to keep people out (Vicky Lundberg)

  • For goodness’ sake, I said ‘Saith the Lord,’ not ‘the Lord Sith’ (Isaac Leaver)

  • So this is ecumenical! (Lawrence Brazier)

  • The Revd Matthew Groundwalker takes up his new appointment as chaplain to the Imperial Fleet (Andrew Wilkinson)

  • The new forces chaplain wasn’t expecting quite this deployment (Gary Clink)

  • The Vicar had decided to deal with those parishioners who had described their religion as ‘Jedi’ at the last census (Stephen Disley)

  • Don’t worry, he’s quite harmless: he just likes dressing up (Tim Livesy)

  • The recently installed Vicar of St Luke’s cut an understandably nervous figure after a visitation saw his new building plans scuppered by the DAC (Darth’s Advisory Committee) (Che R. Seabourne)

  • I knew it was a mistake to let the vicarage during the interregnum (Ian Barge)

  • Clearly, the Anglican concept of the Church Militant is more than the Swiss Guard and the Sally Army (Richard Strudwick)

  • The Church Militant, Old and New (Bridget Swan)

As always, the winner receives a prize of Fairtrade chocolate, courtesy of Divine: divinechocolate.com.


Thu 26 May @ 13:27
“It is right that we give detailed attention to ensure that academies are placed within a firm legislative context… https://t.co/TiDpzgVQPi

Job of the Week


Priest in Charge (Rector Designate)

London and Home Counties

Our suburban parish on the border between the London Borough of Croydon and the lovely Surrey countryside and with a spacious modern Rectory, is seeking a Priest-in-Charge (Rector Designate) to lead our church as we seek to fulfil our mission to proclaim Jesus, change lives and serve our community.   We are looking for a leader who, with energy and dynamism, who will develop the vision for the church to enable the children and families work to be a priority in order to grow the church both in numbers and spiritual maturity. In addition, the new person will care and tend for the existing ageing congregation many of whom have ¬faithfully served the church for many years.   The person we are looking for should have: strong communication skills, the ability to engage and encourage people across the age ranges and to convey the church’s mission, vision and priorities; a commitment to preach the Word of God in thoughtful and stimulating ways; an energy and dynamism probably more extrovert than introvert; a pastoral heart, showing empathy and good listening skills, the ability, willingness and experience to help us to develop and enjoy a variety of worship styles, including a wider range of musical worship and a deeper corporate prayer life -whilst recognising and valuing our heritage;   For further information and to apply, please click the 'apply for this job' button below.   For an informal conversation with the Archdeacon of Croydon, please contact the Archdeacon’s PA Kathleen.bailey@southwark.anglican.org to arrange a time for a phone conversation.   Closing Date: Sunday 12 June 2022 Parish Visit for shortlisted candidates: Monday 11 July 2022 Interviews: Monday 11 July 2022   Please note we have a policy in Southwark Diocese that to be appointed to an incumbent status post, a priest must have served a title in an Anglican church in the British Isles.   This post is subject to DBS enhanced disclosure

Welcome to the Church Times

​To explore the Church Times website fully, please sign in or subscribe.

Non-subscribers can read four articles for free each month. (You will need to register.)