IMPRESSIVE entries to our last caption competition (brought forward a little, with apologies to any late entrants). Admiration, or maybe indecision, has led to a bonanza of prizes.

Naturally enough, the liturgical calendar was observed: “With Easter over, Tim moves on to Pentecost” (Vicky Lundberg); “Be very careful on Pentecost Sunday” (Stuart Ager); and “After Pentecost, they could hardly wait to see how he explained the Trinity” (Valerie Budd).

Food and drink featured prominently: “Toasted crumpets are available with coffee after the service” (Stephen Disley); “Oops, pardon me. That communion wine was a little stronger than usual” (Tom Page); “Biscuits made by Messy Church, homemade jams, pickles, and fudge — he’s tried them all in the course of duty. But fire-eating. . .” (Jenny Roughan); and “Nobody had warned him about the curry in the Officers’ Mess” (Edward Mynors).

Otherwise, inspiration came from far and wide: “And that’s how George slew the dragon. Now you try” (Ian Hill); “Tim demonstrates new possibilities following cuts to the defence budget” (Vicky Lundberg); “Who needs an army battery when you have a canon?” (Bridget Swan); and “The Padre suffered from terrible halitosis” (Andrew Greenhough).

Harry Potter was invoked: “‘Incendio!’ cried the Reverend Harry” (Andrew Greenhough); and “Expelliarmus!” (Theresa Margaret CHN).

And then there was: “Right, that’s preaching fire sorted. Next, brimstone” (Tom Page); “Padre’s moods are getting worse. Yesterday he was just spitting feathers” (Andy Harding); “Padre Brimstone’s talks always included a visual aid. This year, all ranks were impressed by his ‘burning bush’ illustration” (Nicholas Varnon); “The phrase ‘baptism of fire’ was beginning to take on a new and rather alarming meaning” (Valerie Budd); and “Although Wippell’s representative was confident that he could demonstrate the flame-resistant properties of their new vestment materials, the whole of the county fire brigade were standing by just in case” (Jonathan Haigh).

Just off the money: “The General had said, ‘Now then, Padre, let’s see if you can fire up the troops’” (Tom Page); “Chaplains to the Forces, training of, session three: Words of Command No. 9: ‘Fire’” (M. J. Leppard); and “If he thinks that’s breathing fire, he hasn’t met the RSM” (Valerie Budd).

Many thanks, once again, to Divine for sponsoring this competition with Fairtrade chocolate prizes (divinechocolate.com), to be enjoyed by three winners this week.