SEEN in their hundreds in procession in Seville, the nazarenos are an impressive sight. One small one on his/her own, however, was considered less so by our caption-competition entrants.
“Give me your handbag, son. It makes you stick out like a sore thumb” (Eric Lishman); “But you said I could chose my baptism outfit” (Robert Shooter); “But Daddy, if the Bishop can wear a funny hat on Sunday, why can’t I?” (Ray Morris); and “I’ll tell you again, the Black Death doesn’t strike round here these days” (Eric Lishman).
There were lots of entries about dressing up: “The little girl, as supersonic Concorde, had just won the children’s fancy-dress competition at the local church” (Mervyn Cox); “The Sunday-school teacher had taken a risk when she suggested fancy dress for Easter” (Richard Hough); and “Even though Matilda was disguised as a gas flame, Martin still recognised her as the one who tripped him up” (Sue Chick). And one about dressing down: “Anastasia, embarrassed by his insistence on wearing brown shoes, was becoming increasingly desperate not to be recognised when out with her father” (Robert Pyne).
The connection with the Deep South was made by several entrants: “The KKK academy chain really did prove the government’s free-school policy was non-discriminatory” (Vicky Lundberg); “Republicans appeal to younger voters through the Klu Klump Klan” (Nigel Mason); “Peter realised that perhaps it had not been wise to allow little Emily to choose her confirmation outfit during the recent family holiday to Alabama, USA” (Nicholas Varnon); and two from Russ Bravo: “Simon was beginning to regret offering to show his niece Wilma, from Arkansas, round the cathedral” and “Horatio, my smartphone calendar says it’s A Day at The Races, not A Day As A Racist”.
Some at random: “You’ll have to find some bigger sins to repent of, if you want to be a proper Penitent when you grow up” (Richard Hough); “It’s no good, I can’t get a taxi. We’ll have to walk home through Moss Side” (Eric Lishman); “However did you manage to get that ice cream cone in there?” (Valerie Budd); and “When he brought her to England, however, people pretended that they hadn’t noticed” (M. J. Leppard).
We particularly liked: “Citizenship lessons in British values were having only a limited effect” (Stephen Disley); “The attempt to infiltrate the Guild of the Servants of the Sanctuary had resulted in abject failure” (Christopher Tookey); and “Bored with the Brownies, Emily found she was really enjoying the Junior Inquisitioners” (Margaret Wallis).
It was hard to decide a winner, but we have chosen two, each of whom will receive Fairtrade chocolate, courtesy of Divine (www.divinechocolate.com).
Have a go at our new competition. Entries must reach us by Friday 15 April.
by email to: email@example.com
by post (postcards only) to:
108-114 Golden Lane
London EC1Y 0TG
by fax to:
020 7490 7093