IT ALL gets a little apocalyptic in the caption competition this week. It might be the impending fate of the United States; mostly, though, it’s simply a play on the name of the leading Republican candidate.
“Throughout the four-hour speech, the audience clung to their faith in Paul, 1 Corinthians 15.52, that the last Trump shall sound” (George Frost); “I always expected Armageddon to begin with the sound of the final Trump” (David Hill); “The first horseman had arrived ready for the last Trump” (Richard Barnes); “No angels. I am the first trump and the last trump” (Christopher Lewis); “Only if he’s the last Trump will we experience anything of the rapture” (Bill Scott) and so on.
The name triggered another memory in one reader: “Nellie the elephant packed her trunk and trundled back to the jungle. Off she went with a trumpety trump. Trump, trump, trump” (Margaret Oldroyd). Quite.
More generally: “And I tell you, good folk of Idaho, every little detail matters to me,” and “Archdeacon Spears will now move among you with the plate, in aid of the Mexican Wall” (both Eric Lishman); and “It was difficult to make an inspirational speech to the five cows which turned up” and “Y’all gotta vote for me — both of you” (both Richard Hough).
Some of our gloomier entries: “Look who we could be saddled with as next President of the US” (Tom Page); “It may have been their being on a ranch, but there was a definite scent of bovine effluence” (George Frost); “Donald Trump, in anticipation of victory, had already started to erect the scaffold on which to hang those who disagreed with him” (John Hutchinson).
Not that many were very complimentary: “Donald had been looking forward to his first riding lesson, but the horse simply couldn’t face it” (Margaret Wallis); “It’s only her for now, but soon we might all be saddled with him” (John Saxbee); “The only time in history that Madame Tussaud’s models looked more human than the humans” (David Hill); and “Trump tries to make a stand for peace, love, and justice, but that horse has already bolted (unlike the cat on his head)” (Cathryn Howse).
Several contributors focused on Mr Trump’s gesture: “There’s the exit, boy, if you wanna leave now” (Bridget Swan); “He just couldn’t resist rehearsing his line to Barack Obama: ‘You’re fired!’” (Chris Coupe); and “Damn! Someone stole my pistol” (Tom Page).
Then there were the references to Mr Trump’s business interests: “Say, this would make an ideal site for a skyscraper” (Richard Hough); “See, over there — it’s just the place for a golf course” (Sue Chick); and “Now I’m going to show you how a ‘real’ cowboy does things” (Tom Page).
A few that stood out: “At the Rapture, the horse was taken, but the Trumps were left in the field” (Richard Barnes); “Actually, the wall will be built to keep Americans in” (Chris Coupe); “Is this the future leader of the Westerns world?” (John Saxbee); and “A spirited speech about his enthusiasm for capital punishment was dramatically illustrated by Donald’s own prototype double gibbet” (Christopher Tookey).
We hope that our choice of a winner of the Fairtrade prize this week (courtesy of Divine, www.divinechocolate.com) doesn’t come back to haunt us.