Caption competition

by
28 October 2016

PA

“Tinkerbell, help me find those Lost Boys. We need them in the Scouts” Jonathan Haigh

“Tinkerbell, help me find those Lost Boys. We need them in the Scouts” Jonathan Haigh

OUR photo of the Chief Scout and Alpha poster boy Bear Grylls, during his current stage show, intrigued our caption competitors.

First, the inevitable play with his name: “If it burns all my clothes off I’ll be Bare Grilled” (Eric Lishman); and “What part of my name don’t you understand?” (Richard Hough).

Then it was the Scouting angle: “If the Chief Scout can’t light a fire, there’s no hope for the rest of us doing it” (Chris Coupe); “Clearly, even the Chief Scout has not secured his Fire Safety activity badge” (John Saxbee); and “Although Baden-Powell instructed his followers to ‘Be Prepared’, it is doubtful he would have applied that motto to developing proficiency with a taser” (Christopher Tookey).

The thoughts of many readers turned to Sunday evenings: “By the time Tom had mastered the new cigarette lighter, evensong was over” (Valerie Budd); “Thuribles are for wimps” (Richard Barnes); “And the winner of Thurifer of the Year is . . . Nosmo King!” (Tom Page); and “He had been trying to light the altar candle for so long, he hadn’t noticed that the congregation had switched off the lights and gone home” (Edward Mynors).

A few at random: “The intrepid explorer is not only good on his feet but light-fingered as well” (John Saxbee); “Gott mitt-uns” (Michael Jameson); “So, an intracranial chimney is how he does it” (Vicky Lundberg); “Having forgotten to pack his head-torch, Bear decided to improvise” (Daphne Foster); and “The next programme will be from the Northern Eye Hospital” (Eric Lishman).

In the J. K. Rowling corner: “The elusive snitch meant that Bear failed the Harry Potter audition” (Paul Clifford) and “Lumos!” (Richard Barnes).

This section brought to you by our sponsors — or, rather, his: “And, Scouts, the Land Rover spark plug makes an excellent emergency torch” (Ray Morris); and “Land Rover have since banned the Samsung Note7 from their vehicles” (Andrew Greenhough).

A few more at random: “St Elmo’s PCC, considering options for their new lighting, were given a demonstration of genetically modified glow-worms” (Richard Crockett); “Bear’s illustration of Ezekiel on Mount Carmel was a tad downsized” (Chris Coupe); and “The Vicar was worried that the new children’s worker might be being too dramatic with his actions to ‘This little light of mine’” (David Sims).

We especially liked: “Back to basics for Grylls as he tackles day one of creation” (Julian Waterfield); “The alpha-male way to light a barbecue” (Richard Barnes); “The diocese had to cut back on their clergy firework spectacular” (David Sims); and “This will kill most small edible creatures, but it will also set fire to your hair as it recoils” (Eric Lishman).

Fairtrade chocolate once again for our winner from our friends at Divine (www.divinechocolate.com).

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