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Caption Competition

by
08 May 2015

They all eventually come to Jesus, thought the Bishop, twisting his crook further William Petts As he was in full regalia, the Bishop exercised his power of arrest under Ecclesiastical Law for Possession of an Offensive Garment with Intent  Stephen Disley

They all eventually come to Jesus, thought the Bishop, twisting his crook further William Petts As he was in full regalia, the Bishop exercised his ...

A BIT of horseplay by the Bishop of Bolton, the Rt Revd Chris Edmondson, furnished our readers with material for their captions last week.

Congratulations to all the "by hook or by crook" entrants. The best of these was from David Jones: "Our motto, 'Get them in by hook or by crook,' is quite biblical, actually, considering all those references to fishermen and shepherds."

Full marks to Edward Mynors: "'This is a real cliché,' muttered the Bishop, as he caught the crook at the head of his staff." No marks to Chris Hustwick, for: "Here's crooking at you, kid!" All right, a few grudging ones for Richard Barnes: "O for a crosier walk with God."

Patrick Irwin decided to have a competition all of his own, submitting (among others): "GAFCON recommended a hard-line approach to evangelism"; "Ordination numbers had rocketed since the new bishop arrived"; "Here's one I caught earlier"; "Sheep may safely graze; Latin American entertainers may not"; "The Glastonbury Pilgrimage and Festival had become hopelessly confused"; and "The Australian locum had not realised that the English dress formally for barbecues."

Some entries at random: "The Bishop wore the smile of a man who knew what he wore under his cassock" (Chris Coupe); "When it comes to fancy dress, no one upstages me, son" (John Saxbee); "The Bishop's diagonal move caught him by surprise" (Richard Barnes); and "And I won't let Joseph go until the caption competition stops picking on bishops" (Eric Lishman).

On the sheep theme: "The other ninety-nine escaped while I was bringing this one back" (Valerie Budd); "Wisely, the congregation paid absolutely no attention to Bish and Ben's Good Shepherd sketch" (Eric Lishman); and "The lost sheep had been having a good time, and was none too thrilled at being found" (Alison Rollin).

We also had: "The man in the Funny Shirt Competition decided to remove his competitor" (Chris Coupe); "A certain amount of pressure was needed to persuade Jim to become the next archdeacon"; and "At last he discovered what this oddly shaped stick was for" (both Richard Hough); "I'll teach you to mess around with liturgical colours, my lad!" (Michael Foster); and two from William Pett: "'Come on,' mouthed the Bishop, 'smile, for heaven's sake - you're a Christian, now'" and "'I'll humour him,' thought the newly appointed youth worker, 'he's getting on a bit.'"

We always admire readers who spot something in the photograph which was missed by others. Thus: "Where medical science had failed, the Bishop's prayers succeeded in removing the banana from the sufferer's ear" (Ray Morris).

And we particularly liked: "The Bishop was pleased to catch the person who kept putting Fijian small change in the collection plate" (Sue and/or Nigel Fulford); "Another 'volunteer' for the working party" (Valerie Budd); "At last, a bishop prepared to put a bit of stick about" (John Saxbee); and "No one had warned the Bishop about the new dress-down Sundays" (George Frost).

Two winners this week. Thanks to Divine for donating the prizes of Fairtrade chocolate. See their good work on www.divinechocolate.com.

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