THERE was much delight in the Bishop of Worcester's garb in our
last caption competition. There were several references to
liturgical colours, of which the best was: "Whilst the
gloves were suitable for this penitential task, the apron was
rather Ordinary" (James Betteridge). We also liked:
". . . fruit of the vine and work of human hands. .
." (Richard Barnes).
Then there were: "If you'd paid your parish share, I
could relax on my day off" (Dennis Garland); "His
theological training had taught him the meaning of ineffable and
inestimable, but not indelible" (Richard Barnes); and
"Bishop John's end-of-year review stated that his ironing
skills were not as good as his drain unblocking skills"
Where would we be without Fresh Expressions? "Pretend
you enjoy Messy Church, John, please" (William Petts);
"The new Messy Church vestments are not proving
popular" (John Saxbee); "The Bishop robed for
Messy Church" (R. M. Nancarrow).
A few at random: "Who'd have thought feeding the 5000
would produce so much washing-up?" (Sue Chick);
"The introduction of individual communion cups meant that
the bishop was grumpily added to the washing-up rota"
(Philip Evans); "A misprint led to the church's inaugural
'Faith, Hope and Glove' service" (Peter Organ); and
"Just as Gamarelli had cornered the market in nightwear for
nuns, so Wippells hit back with washing-up wear for
bishops" (David Hill).
There was a good little batch from Valerie Budd:
"Foot-washing meets Health and Safety at work"; "For this
I'm supposed to need a mini-MBA?"; "Who decided to do a risk
assessment on a baptism?" and "I thought Food Hygiene level one
would be mostly theory."
And another from Patrick Irwin: "Does Common
Worship have a service for this? "Of course it is a green
apron. We're in Trinity now"; "Now I see through a glass darkly . .
. but soon I will have polished it"; "I wonder how Jamie Oliver is
getting on with his day in the Bishop's office"; and "Sometimes the
Bishop thought that he had missed his vocation . . . and sometimes
he was sure that he had not."
Two readers knew one of Bishop Inge's posts: "If this is
what the Lord High Almoner has to do, I wouldn't want to be a low
almoner" (Neil Inkley); and "Lord High Almoner? He
looks more like the Clerk of the Closet" (John
More at random: "Sadly, the three cups he'd been
juggling were now on the floor" (Chris Coupe);
"Well, really! Here we are in Worcester, and there isn't
any Lea & Perrins" (Ben Woods); "He had been
told his sermon would be followed by a post-mortem, but the
preacher had misunderstood completely" (Philip Evans); and
"The Bishop wondered which of the ordination candidates had
been buying dodgy hair gel over the internet" (Ray
Among our favourites were: "So the truth is now out -
but what's the big deal? It happens to all of us at consecration.
We just normally conceal it under skin-coloured gloves"
(Jonathan Kimber); "He had been absolving a lot of shy
UKIP-ers recently" (Richard Barnes); "and he went
to C of E in a sieve" (John Appleby): and
"Becoming Bishop of the Smurfs was a vocational journey
that started at the fingers" (David Hill).
Two winners again, both of whom receive a prize of Fairtrade
chocolate kindly donated by Divine (www.divinechocolate.com).
Have a go at our next
caption-competition picture. Entries must reach us by Friday
by email to:
by post (postcards only) to:
108-114 Golden Lane
London EC1Y 0TG
by fax to: 020 7490 7093