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Caption competition

by
05 June 2015

THERE was much delight in the Bishop of Worcester's garb in our last caption competition. There were several references to liturgical colours, of which the best was: "Whilst the gloves were suitable for this penitential task, the apron was rather Ordinary" (James Betteridge). We also liked: ". . . fruit of the vine and work of human hands. . ." (Richard Barnes).

Then there were: "If you'd paid your parish share, I could relax on my day off" (Dennis Garland); "His theological training had taught him the meaning of ineffable and inestimable, but not indelible" (Richard Barnes); and "Bishop John's end-of-year review stated that his ironing skills were not as good as his drain unblocking skills" (Clare Griffiths).

Where would we be without Fresh Expressions? "Pretend you enjoy Messy Church, John, please" (William Petts); "The new Messy Church vestments are not proving popular" (John Saxbee); "The Bishop robed for Messy Church" (R. M. Nancarrow).

A few at random: "Who'd have thought feeding the 5000 would produce so much washing-up?" (Sue Chick); "The introduction of individual communion cups meant that the bishop was grumpily added to the washing-up rota" (Philip Evans); "A misprint led to the church's inaugural 'Faith, Hope and Glove' service" (Peter Organ); and "Just as Gamarelli had cornered the market in nightwear for nuns, so Wippells hit back with washing-up wear for bishops" (David Hill).

There was a good little batch from Valerie Budd: "Foot-washing meets Health and Safety at work"; "For this I'm supposed to need a mini-MBA?"; "Who decided to do a risk assessment on a baptism?" and "I thought Food Hygiene level one would be mostly theory."

And another from Patrick Irwin: "Does Common Worship have a service for this? "Of course it is a green apron. We're in Trinity now"; "Now I see through a glass darkly . . . but soon I will have polished it"; "I wonder how Jamie Oliver is getting on with his day in the Bishop's office"; and "Sometimes the Bishop thought that he had missed his vocation . . . and sometimes he was sure that he had not."

Two readers knew one of Bishop Inge's posts: "If this is what the Lord High Almoner has to do, I wouldn't want to be a low almoner" (Neil Inkley); and "Lord High Almoner? He looks more like the Clerk of the Closet" (John Saxbee).

More at random: "Sadly, the three cups he'd been juggling were now on the floor" (Chris Coupe); "Well, really! Here we are in Worcester, and there isn't any Lea & Perrins" (Ben Woods); "He had been told his sermon would be followed by a post-mortem, but the preacher had misunderstood completely" (Philip Evans); and "The Bishop wondered which of the ordination candidates had been buying dodgy hair gel over the internet" (Ray Morris).

Among our favourites were: "So the truth is now out - but what's the big deal? It happens to all of us at consecration. We just normally conceal it under skin-coloured gloves" (Jonathan Kimber); "He had been absolving a lot of shy UKIP-ers recently" (Richard Barnes); "and he went to C of E in a sieve" (John Appleby): and "Becoming Bishop of the Smurfs was a vocational journey that started at the fingers" (David Hill).

 

Two winners again, both of whom receive a prize of Fairtrade chocolate kindly donated by Divine (www.divinechocolate.com). 

Have a go at our next caption-competition picture. Entries must reach us by Friday 12 June.

 

by email to:
captioncompetition@
churchtimes.co.uk

 

by post (postcards only) to:
Caption Competition
Church Times
3rd floor
Invicta House
108-114 Golden Lane
London EC1Y 0TG

 

by fax to: 020 7490 7093

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