Have a go at our next caption-competition picture (above).
Entries must reach us by Friday 6 February.
by email to: captioncompetition@churchtimes.co.uk
by post (postcards only) to: Caption Competition, Church Times,
3rd floor
Invicta House, 108-114 Golden Lane, London EC1Y 0TG.
by fax to: 020 7490 7093
LOTS of fun was had with our last caption competition. No, we
didn't understand the photo, either. As Richard Hough put it:
"The Bishops might not be able to walk on water but had no
difficulty in walking up a downward escalator."
Unless, of course, it was the lower couple who were out of step:
"The tableau was very representative: the bishops rising
ever upwards, a couple on the escalator but somehow going the wrong
way, and the majority stumbling on the periphery" (Neil
Inkley).
Naturally enough, there were readers who saw a biblical
parallel: "The new shopping centre had inadvertently been
built exactly on the site of Jacob's Ladder" (Edward
Mynors); "In his dream he saw a moving staircase with
Anglicans ascending and descending" (John D. R. Lloyd);
"If you go to sleep at Bethel underground station nowadays,
you have a quite different kind of dream from Jacob's"
(Christopher Wain); and "I hope Jacob's angels were better
organised than this bunch" (Daphne Foster).
Others sought more contemporary references: "Led
Zeppelin reveal where they found the inspiration for their biggest
hit" (Louise Comb); "Well, you've heard of a
stairway to heaven; this is the escalator to Eden" (Chris
Cleave); and "As I said, my fellow clergyman, in the words
of the great Showaddywaddy. . . There are three steps to
heaven" (Ken Binns).
The most popular subject by far, though, was a certain church
report: "Apparently it's Lord Green's replacement for the
greasy pole" (John Saxbee); "They were forced to
use the stairs down into the talent pool, after the bishops blocked
the escalator" (Steve Hollinghurst); "The report
lists 'ability to run up the down escalator' among desirable
qualities for leadership" (Richard Barnes); "The
programme of escalated promotion to the episcopate ran into some
initial teething troubles" (Diana Jones); "Having
all failed that week's module, Accountancy for Archdeacons, the
first Green managing-talent rejects did at least get a cheery wave
from a bishop on their way back to the coalface" (Caspar
Bush); "It was obviously the 'Red' report" (Tim
Hind); and "Clearly, two had made it to the talent pool,
though obviously there were many failures" (John
Hutchinson).
A few random entries: "Unfortunately, it seemed everyone
had the same idea for the 'Vicars and Tarts' fancy-dress
party" (Jo Copsey); "Being only able to move
diagonally made the bishops' big day out rather fraught"
(Patsy Colebourne); "And the buffet is now open"
(Helen Allan); and "One priest was in serious danger of
turning into a pillar of salt" (John Hutchinson).
And one very random one: "The attacker who tried to hit
the bishop with a plastic shower-head was clearly not a real male
priest as he had a full head of black hair" (Adrian
Low).
On the supermarket theme: "No time for that, bish: the
January sales have just started" (Bill de Quick);
"The Church 'R' Us sale seemed to be going very
well" (Ian Green); "Black Friday, eat your heart
out: it's Whit Monday at Wippell's" (John Saxbee);
"The bishops were too late, as the clergy had already
bought out everything in the Red Stole Sale" (Chris
Coupe); and "I'm sorry, sir, we're out of deacons - but
priests are buy one get one free" (Ray Morris).
More assorted entries: "The bishops knew where the
refreshments were, and they had every intention of getting there
first" (Patrick Irwin); "The clergy had all been
rejected at the Pearly Gates; now it was the turn of the
bishops" (Edward Mynors); "'It is a poor sort of
blessing that only works backward,' remarked the Queen (with
apologies to Lewis Carroll)" (Richard Crockett);
"Cassocks, Mitres, and Crooks going down. . ."
(Bryan Morris); "Although most of them turned and fled, two
brave souls put on full dress and went straight for Professor
Dawkins" (Stephen Disley); and "Today's lesson is
'Always be nice to people on the way up. . .'" (David
Reeves).
We liked especially: "The Eschatology Conference ended
in disarray, with no clear sense of direction" (Daphne
Foster); "The Church of England: never knowingly
under-dressed" (Richard Barnes); "Things started
to escalate at the diocesan clergy conference" (John
Radford); "Live chess" (Vicky Lundberg);
"After a lifetime of faithful service, they'd all rather
hoped to have been going up, not down" (Caspar Bush); and
"Just who does the Bishop think he is - the Grand Old Duke
of York?" (Charles Taylor).
We could not decide between three entrants, so all will receive
a prize of Fairtrade chocolate, kindly donated by Divine (divinechocolate.com).
The bishop presided at the elevator of the hosts
John D. R. Lloyd
With the bishop's blessing, they raced down to the
talent pool while the water was still being disturbed
Tim Evans
The Day of Judgement was turning out much as the bishop
had expected
David Hill