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Caption competition

30 January 2015


Have a go at our next caption-competition picture (above). Entries must reach us by Friday 6 February.

by email to: captioncompetition@churchtimes.co.uk

by post (postcards only) to: Caption Competition, Church Times, 3rd floor
Invicta House, 108-114 Golden Lane, London EC1Y 0TG.

by fax to: 020 7490 7093


LOTS of fun was had with our last caption competition. No, we didn't understand the photo, either. As Richard Hough put it: "The Bishops might not be able to walk on water but had no difficulty in walking up a downward escalator."

Unless, of course, it was the lower couple who were out of step: "The tableau was very representative: the bishops rising ever upwards, a couple on the escalator but somehow going the wrong way, and the majority stumbling on the periphery" (Neil Inkley).

Naturally enough, there were readers who saw a biblical parallel: "The new shopping centre had inadvertently been built exactly on the site of Jacob's Ladder" (Edward Mynors); "In his dream he saw a moving staircase with Anglicans ascending and descending" (John D. R. Lloyd); "If you go to sleep at Bethel underground station nowadays, you have a quite different kind of dream from Jacob's" (Christopher Wain); and "I hope Jacob's angels were better organised than this bunch" (Daphne Foster).

Others sought more contemporary references: "Led Zeppelin reveal where they found the inspiration for their biggest hit" (Louise Comb); "Well, you've heard of a stairway to heaven; this is the escalator to Eden" (Chris Cleave); and "As I said, my fellow clergyman, in the words of the great Showaddywaddy. . . There are three steps to heaven" (Ken Binns).

The most popular subject by far, though, was a certain church report: "Apparently it's Lord Green's replacement for the greasy pole" (John Saxbee); "They were forced to use the stairs down into the talent pool, after the bishops blocked the escalator" (Steve Hollinghurst); "The report lists 'ability to run up the down escalator' among desirable qualities for leadership" (Richard Barnes); "The programme of escalated promotion to the episcopate ran into some initial teething troubles" (Diana Jones); "Having all failed that week's module, Accountancy for Archdeacons, the first Green managing-talent rejects did at least get a cheery wave from a bishop on their way back to the coalface" (Caspar Bush); "It was obviously the 'Red' report" (Tim Hind); and "Clearly, two had made it to the talent pool, though obviously there were many failures" (John Hutchinson).

A few random entries: "Unfortunately, it seemed everyone had the same idea for the 'Vicars and Tarts' fancy-dress party" (Jo Copsey); "Being only able to move diagonally made the bishops' big day out rather fraught" (Patsy Colebourne); "And the buffet is now open" (Helen Allan); and "One priest was in serious danger of turning into a pillar of salt" (John Hutchinson).

And one very random one: "The attacker who tried to hit the bishop with a plastic shower-head was clearly not a real male priest as he had a full head of black hair" (Adrian Low).

On the supermarket theme: "No time for that, bish: the January sales have just started" (Bill de Quick); "The Church 'R' Us sale seemed to be going very well" (Ian Green); "Black Friday, eat your heart out: it's Whit Monday at Wippell's" (John Saxbee); "The bishops were too late, as the clergy had already bought out everything in the Red Stole Sale" (Chris Coupe); and "I'm sorry, sir, we're out of deacons - but priests are buy one get one free" (Ray Morris).

More assorted entries: "The bishops knew where the refreshments were, and they had every intention of getting there first" (Patrick Irwin); "The clergy had all been rejected at the Pearly Gates; now it was the turn of the bishops" (Edward Mynors); "'It is a poor sort of blessing that only works backward,' remarked the Queen (with apologies to Lewis Carroll)" (Richard Crockett); "Cassocks, Mitres, and Crooks going down. . ." (Bryan Morris); "Although most of them turned and fled, two brave souls put on full dress and went straight for Professor Dawkins" (Stephen Disley); and "Today's lesson is 'Always be nice to people on the way up. . .'" (David Reeves).

We liked especially: "The Eschatology Conference ended in disarray, with no clear sense of direction" (Daphne Foster); "The Church of England: never knowingly under-dressed" (Richard Barnes); "Things started to escalate at the diocesan clergy conference" (John Radford); "Live chess" (Vicky Lundberg); "After a lifetime of faithful service, they'd all rather hoped to have been going up, not down" (Caspar Bush); and "Just who does the Bishop think he is - the Grand Old Duke of York?" (Charles Taylor).

We could not decide between three entrants, so all will receive a prize of Fairtrade chocolate, kindly donated by Divine (divinechocolate.com).

The bishop presided at the elevator of the hosts
John D. R. Lloyd

With the bishop's blessing, they raced down to the talent pool while the water was still being disturbed
Tim Evans

The Day of Judgement was turning out much as the bishop had expected
David Hill


Fri 01 Jul @ 21:53
100 years ago: ‘A cyclone of violence’ https://t.co/Qy7NCa7nEX

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