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Caption competition

03 July 2015

I don't care what the council thinks. Our medieval charter says we're allowed to build a car park on top of him Alec Ryrie

I don't care what the council thinks. Our medieval charter says we're allowed to build a car park on top of him Alec Ryrie

AN IMPROMPTU tableau by the tomb of King John in Worcester Cathedral attracted some cultural references in our latest caption competition. Not all of them were contemporary: "With Clarkson, Hammond, and May having to find new professional roles, The Stig also decided to reinvent himself" (Nicholas Varnon); "Early autocues did have their problems" (Bridget Swan); and "The Russian astronauts hadn't got a clue what they were doing there" (Eric Lishman).

The monarch did get a look in, however: "Even in King John's time, congregations were pretty thin on the ground" (Richard Strudwick); "At least this king's tomb wasn't claimed by Leicester Cathedral" (Richard Hough); "Worcester's Originals" and "Worcester Cathedral still uses the King John Version" (both Richard Barnes); and "King John will make a statement after choral evensong" (Patrick Irwin).

Congratulations to Christopher Wilson for sneaking in a dreadful pun under the guise of erudition: "Hearing 'Run ye - mead!', ye Laye Clerkes hied cum festinatione to Ye Cardinale's Hatte." By comparision, Tom Corfield's attempt was quite restrained: "For poor King John, the Magna Carta celebration was yet another barren exercise." We had a few knights, as in: "The holiday offer had included three knights' accommodation" (Edward Mynors). And we had to have at least one reference to the estuary episode: "These are our everyday clothes. Our formal costumes got lost in the Wash" (Patrick Irwin).

A few at random: "The rest of the cast were less than chuffed that the lyrics of Magna: The musical left John completely unmoved" (Diana Jones); "The Chapter reluctantly and posthumously gave him his continuous ceiling-staring certificate, while Group 5 kept the crowds away" (Eric Lishman); "Having correctly identified rigor mortis, young Tobias was awarded the first Canterbury doctorate in forensic pathology" (Ray Morris); and "'Shared conversations on whether to have the Crusades? Over my dead body,' said the Archbishop" (Andrew Greenhough).

A few of our readers have clearly had brushes with regulatory bodies: "Results of English Heritage grant applications are still taking too long to arrive" (John Saxbee); "The Faculty was finally granted, but much too late for the petitioner" (John Appleby); and "When members of the Diocesan Advisory Committee turned up, it was clear why they were so often kept out of sight" (Alan Jewell).

A few more: "I decided not to get the T-shirt as they only did it in chain mail" (David Thomas); "A small group of dissenters from within the PCC presented their alternative coffee rota" (Michael Foster); "He says he's only going to sign it if we add a clause that women can't be bishops for 800 years" (Bob Wheeler); "The three ordinands thought it best that they brought along proof of their sanity" (Chris Coupe); and "It wasn't the surfeit of peaches that finished him - it was the bill from the cathedral refectory" and "The King fainted when the surgeon-barber held a mirror to the back of his hair-do" (both Charles Taylor).

We were particularly fond of: "Attendance at the Crusades Veterans' Service is very low these days" (Edward Mynors); "The launch of Reform and Renewal emphasised the forward-looking nature of the Church" (Christopher Wilson); and "Something for the weekend, Sir?" (Eric Lishman).


One winner this week, whose prize of Divine Fairtrade chocolate (www.divinechocolate.com) will be poured through the post to him.


Have a go at our next caption-competition picture (below). Entries must reach us by Friday 10 July.

by email to: captioncompetition@churchtimes.co.uk

by post (postcards only) to:

Caption Competition

Church Times

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