AN IMPROMPTU tableau by the tomb of King John in Worcester
Cathedral attracted some cultural references in our latest caption
competition. Not all of them were contemporary: "With
Clarkson, Hammond, and May having to find new professional roles,
The Stig also decided to reinvent himself" (Nicholas
Varnon); "Early autocues did have their problems"
(Bridget Swan); and "The Russian astronauts hadn't got a
clue what they were doing there" (Eric Lishman).
The monarch did get a look in, however: "Even in King
John's time, congregations were pretty thin on the ground"
(Richard Strudwick); "At least this king's tomb wasn't
claimed by Leicester Cathedral" (Richard Hough);
"Worcester's Originals" and "Worcester
Cathedral still uses the King John Version" (both Richard
Barnes); and "King John will make a statement after choral
evensong" (Patrick Irwin).
Congratulations to Christopher Wilson for sneaking in a dreadful
pun under the guise of erudition: "Hearing 'Run ye -
mead!', ye Laye Clerkes hied cum festinatione to Ye
Cardinale's Hatte." By comparision, Tom Corfield's attempt
was quite restrained: "For poor King John, the Magna Carta
celebration was yet another barren exercise." We had a few
knights, as in: "The holiday offer had included three
knights' accommodation" (Edward Mynors). And we had to
have at least one reference to the estuary episode: "These
are our everyday clothes. Our formal costumes got lost in the
Wash" (Patrick Irwin).
A few at random: "The rest of the cast were less than
chuffed that the lyrics of Magna: The musical left John
completely unmoved" (Diana Jones); "The Chapter
reluctantly and posthumously gave him his continuous
ceiling-staring certificate, while Group 5 kept the crowds
away" (Eric Lishman); "Having correctly identified
rigor mortis, young Tobias was awarded the first Canterbury
doctorate in forensic pathology" (Ray Morris); and
"'Shared conversations on whether to have the Crusades?
Over my dead body,' said the Archbishop" (Andrew
Greenhough).
A few of our readers have clearly had brushes with regulatory
bodies: "Results of English Heritage grant applications are
still taking too long to arrive" (John Saxbee);
"The Faculty was finally granted, but much too late for the
petitioner" (John Appleby); and "When members of
the Diocesan Advisory Committee turned up, it was clear why they
were so often kept out of sight" (Alan Jewell).
A few more: "I decided not to get the T-shirt as they
only did it in chain mail" (David Thomas); "A
small group of dissenters from within the PCC presented their
alternative coffee rota" (Michael Foster); "He
says he's only going to sign it if we add a clause that women can't
be bishops for 800 years" (Bob Wheeler); "The
three ordinands thought it best that they brought along proof of
their sanity" (Chris Coupe); and "It wasn't the
surfeit of peaches that finished him - it was the bill from the
cathedral refectory" and "The King fainted when
the surgeon-barber held a mirror to the back of his
hair-do" (both Charles Taylor).
We were particularly fond of: "Attendance at the
Crusades Veterans' Service is very low these days" (Edward
Mynors); "The launch of Reform and Renewal emphasised the
forward-looking nature of the Church" (Christopher
Wilson); and "Something for the weekend, Sir?"
(Eric Lishman).
One winner this week, whose prize of Divine Fairtrade chocolate
(www.divinechocolate.com)
will be poured through the post to him.
Have a go at our next caption-competition picture
(below). Entries must reach us by Friday 10 July.
by email to: captioncompetition@churchtimes.co.uk
by post (postcards only) to:
Caption Competition
Church Times
3rd floor
Invicta House
108-114 Golden Lane
London EC1Y 0TG
by fax to: 020 7490 7093