Next week's
competition
Have a go at our next
caption-competition picture (above).
Entries must reach us by Friday 9 January.
by
email to: captioncompetition@churchtimes.co.uk
by post (postcards only) to: Caption
Competition, Church Times, 3rd
floor, Invicta House, 108-114 Golden Lane, London EC1Y
0TG
by fax to: 020 7490 7093
Last week's competition
IT WAS our fault, really: some photographs simply invite puns.
As Chris Page and Ernest Nelson pointed out: "This nativity
scene sucks."
Here are some more: "Vacuum, vacuum,
Emma-a-a-nuel" (John Appleby); "The Magi, tired
after their long journey, could only gaze vacuously at the Holy
Infant" (John Reed); "And the angels Hoovered all
around them" (Angela Bain); "Dust thou believe in
the Dy-son of God?" (Yvonne Rautenbach); and
"Dyson shall be Emmanuel" (Richard Barnes).
Also by Richard Barnes: "The church cleaners were strong
on Numatic theology" and "But Daddy, where's the
Angel bending on Hoovering wing?" Plus: "The crowd
gathered in the stable was in keeping with the infant's pneumatic
conception" (Alexander Faludy); "Sadly, Henry VIII
abolished the feast of the Holy Succour" (Christopher
Wilson); "This year's nativity display has really been
taken to the cleaners" (Sara Bailey); and "Betty
says it was an immaculate contraption" (Brian
Simmons).
On a different tack: "The mess left by all those
shepherds, animals and Wise Men demanded serious measures"
(Stephen Disley); "Remember thou art dust, and unto dust
thou shalt return" (M. B. Sutton); "The visitors
couldn't stay long. They were needed at the Messy Church"
(George Pitt); and "Very little church cleaning got done
between Christmas and Epiphany" (Charles Taylor).
Also: "The crib had to be dismantled after Boxing Day so
the vacuum cleaners could be returned to the homes in the
parish" (Richard Hough); "Dreaming of a White
Goods Christmas" (Lesley Cope); "Due to consumer
demand at Christmas, the shepherds had been sold" (Chris
Coupe).
There were more: "They opened their treasures: coins,
buttons, and fluff" (Richard Barnes); "One day he
will grow up and help clean up the world" (Bill de Quick);
"For a change, they decided to depict the nativity of Henry
the Sixth" (Ben Woods); "Nature may abhor a
vacuum, but God obviously doesn't" (Ben Woods);
"Evidence-based documentation of outstanding performance,
agility, and capability for rapid change: yes, baby Henry Hoover
was already on track for the new bishop's talent management
pool" (Nicky von Fraunhofer); and "We're not
really kings, we're high-potential individuals in the talent
pool" (Patrick Irwin).
It was hard to choose a winner. We were taken with the
following: "The problem with modern interpretations of the
crib scene is that they can suck the real meaning out of the
nativity story" (Michael Foster); "Pretending to
be kings was bad enough, but sucking up to the Holy Family was the
last straw" (John Lloyd); "We whoosh you
a Henry Christmas" (Richard Barnes); and
"Angels sing. You lot, hum" (Christopher
Wilson).
In the end, we picked two entries, both of which will earn their
originators Fairtrade chocolate, kindly donated by Divine (divinechocolate.com).
"Yes, he's doing fine, except he's not
started sucking yet" John Keeling.
They didn't go back to Herod because that
would have been Dyson with death Charles Taylor.