This week's competition
Have a go at our next caption-competition picture
(above). Entries must reach us by Friday 20 February.
email to: email@example.com
by post (postcards only) to: Caption
Competition, Church Times, 3rd
floor, Invicta House, 108-114 Golden Lane London EC1Y
by fax to: 020 7490 7093
Last week's competition
THE shadow cast on British humour by Monty Python's Flying
Circus is a long one. Clearly identifying the bird in our
caption competition as a Norwegian Blue, the
Python-inspired entries poured in.
"The blessing was no use. The Parrot had shuffled off
its mortal coil and joined the choir invisible" (George
Frost); "I wish to complain about this aspergillum what I
purchased" (Richard Barnes); and "Yes, the
Norwegian Blue is definitely in communion with the Church of
England through the Porvoo Agreement" (Richard
Was it an aspergillum, or was is something else? "Tap,
tap. Is this thing working?" (M. J. Leppard);
"Nesting, nesting, one two three. . ." (Edward
Mynors); "A new lead singer had been found for the pet
service" (Richard Hough).
Then there were the impressive correspondents who thought
outside the box: "Who's a pretty boy, then?
Exterminate!" (Richard Gooding); and
"'Exterminate!' screamed the Dalek. But it had
underestimated the plunger-gnawing Parakeet of Polymos"
We had: "'Don't tweet,' says Welby (News, 30 January) -
'that's easy for him to say'" (John Saxbee); "At
the CMD day on updating communication skills, everyone was shown
how to tweet" (Gillian Newton); "Not all talk is
'cheep'" (Chris Coupe); and "Cheep Grace"
Also: "If I wanted to sprinkle folk with water I would
use a simpler method, thought the parrot dismissively"
(Patrick Irwin); and "I can see that the sprinkler has been
activated, but where's the fire? pondered Percival"
Other entries were more or less random: "The parrot
could preach on any subject for just a minute without hesitation or
deviation, but avoiding repetition was too much of a
challenge" (Charles Taylor); "If you spray me with
holy water again, I'll nip your finger off" (Bill de
Quick); "Who's coming up next before the beak?"
(Dennis Garland); and "At last, a Pollytheist gets to do
Thought for the Day" (John Saxbee).
Also: "The parrot's presence at selection panel was a
reminder to potential ordinands that ministry could cost you an arm
and a leg" (Chris Coupe); "Faced with a
multi-parish benefice, the vicar discovered one way to share his
sermon with more than one congregation at the same time. Chippy
only took a few days to learn it" (John Hutchinson);
"Not content with being blessed, Polly was determined to
demonstrate her karaoke skills" (Daphne Foster); and
"In the beginning was the Bird" (Ben Woods).
There were more: "The rural benefice were grateful for
any candidates to fill their vacancy" (Vicky Lundberg);
"Give me sage in my cage I'm engaging, Give me sage in my
cage, I pray. . ." (Adrian Low); "The Church was
trying unsuccessfully to get away from just repeating phrases with
little thought for their meaning" (Sue Chick); and
"The new catechism will teach Anglicanism parrot
fashion" (Alexander Faludy).
We particularly liked: "The picture
editor had messed up for the last time. It was supposed to be the
Holy Paraclete" (Richard Gooding);and "The
discipleship course used a parrot-and-stick approach"
We chose two to be recipients of the Fairtrade chocolate prize,
kindly donated by Divine (divinechocolate.com).
Say no to polyunsaturates
Polly's sermon was a classic three-pointer. She told
them what she was going to say, said it, and then told them what
she'd just said.