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Caption competition

13 February 2015


This week's competition

Have a go at our next caption-competition picture (above). Entries must reach us by Friday 20 February.

by email to: captioncompetition@churchtimes.co.uk

by post (postcards only) to: Caption Competition, Church Times,  3rd floor, Invicta House, 108-114 Golden Lane  London EC1Y 0TG

by fax to: 020 7490 7093


Last week's competition

THE shadow cast on British humour by Monty Python's Flying Circus is a long one. Clearly identifying the bird in our caption competition as a Norwegian Blue, the Python-inspired entries poured in.

"The blessing was no use. The Parrot had shuffled off its mortal coil and joined the choir invisible" (George Frost); "I wish to complain about this aspergillum what I purchased" (Richard Barnes); and "Yes, the Norwegian Blue is definitely in communion with the Church of England through the Porvoo Agreement" (Richard Barnes).

Was it an aspergillum, or was is something else? "Tap, tap. Is this thing working?" (M. J. Leppard); "Nesting, nesting, one two three. . ." (Edward Mynors); "A new lead singer had been found for the pet service" (Richard Hough).

Then there were the impressive correspondents who thought outside the box: "Who's a pretty boy, then? Exterminate!" (Richard Gooding); and "'Exterminate!' screamed the Dalek. But it had underestimated the plunger-gnawing Parakeet of Polymos" (Caspar Bush).

We had: "'Don't tweet,' says Welby (News, 30 January) - 'that's easy for him to say'" (John Saxbee); "At the CMD day on updating communication skills, everyone was shown how to tweet" (Gillian Newton); "Not all talk is 'cheep'" (Chris Coupe); and "Cheep Grace" (Michael Doe).

Also: "If I wanted to sprinkle folk with water I would use a simpler method, thought the parrot dismissively" (Patrick Irwin); and "I can see that the sprinkler has been activated, but where's the fire? pondered Percival" (Michael Foster).

Other entries were more or less random: "The parrot could preach on any subject for just a minute without hesitation or deviation, but avoiding repetition was too much of a challenge" (Charles Taylor); "If you spray me with holy water again, I'll nip your finger off" (Bill de Quick); "Who's coming up next before the beak?" (Dennis Garland); and "At last, a Pollytheist gets to do Thought for the Day" (John Saxbee).

Also: "The parrot's presence at selection panel was a reminder to potential ordinands that ministry could cost you an arm and a leg" (Chris Coupe); "Faced with a multi-parish benefice, the vicar discovered one way to share his sermon with more than one congregation at the same time. Chippy only took a few days to learn it" (John Hutchinson); "Not content with being blessed, Polly was determined to demonstrate her karaoke skills" (Daphne Foster); and "In the beginning was the Bird" (Ben Woods).

There were more: "The rural benefice were grateful for any candidates to fill their vacancy" (Vicky Lundberg); "Give me sage in my cage I'm engaging, Give me sage in my cage, I pray. . ." (Adrian Low); "The Church was trying unsuccessfully to get away from just repeating phrases with little thought for their meaning" (Sue Chick); and "The new catechism will teach Anglicanism parrot fashion" (Alexander Faludy).

We particularly liked: "The picture editor had messed up for the last time. It was supposed to be the Holy Paraclete" (Richard Gooding);and "The discipleship course used a parrot-and-stick approach" (Richard Barnes).

We chose two to be recipients of the Fairtrade chocolate prize, kindly donated by Divine (divinechocolate.com).

Say no to polyunsaturates
Neil Inkley

Polly's sermon was a classic three-pointer. She told them what she was going to say, said it, and then told them what she'd just said.
Charles Taylor


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26 January 2022
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