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Caption competition

11 September 2015

Notices should be printed with an accessible font Richard Barnes This is what comes of telling parents that baptisms may be arranged at their convenience Glynis Hetherington

Notices should be printed with an accessible font Richard Barnes This is what comes of telling parents that baptisms may be arranged at their conveni...

IF YOU think that the Church Times maintains a high-minded approach to humour, look away now. Admittedly, a reader sent in the photo, and, yes, all the captions are from other readers, but we’re choosing to publish them, so the blame is ours.

It was, of course, clear where our readers’ minds took them: “Please form an orderly queue to christen the new font” (Andrew Greenhough); “It would be too rude to mention what the Scouts’ latest game was, but the girls were at a disadvantage” (Valerie Budd); “Our ecological vicar is taking water conservation a step too far” (Janet Stockton); “Be sure to repent and be baptised — there’s no restroom for the wicked” (John Saxbee).

That was just the start: “When a faculty was refused, the PCC resorted to Plan B” (Rosemary Corfield); “The new height adjustable Font had many functions” (Richard Barnes); “The new young Dean was determined to make a splash one way or another” (Pauline Smith); and “Normal service will be resumed as soon as possible” (Bob Torrens).

On a similar theme: “Many wondered if the PCC were getting over-enthusiastic in their vision for developing a multi-functional worship space?” (Andrew Knight); “This doubling-up of resources was finally abandoned when a meeting of Incontinence Anonymous and the Johnston christening collided disastrously” (George Frost).

Then there was: “The last chap to use the font had very thoughtfully put the lid down” (Mervyn Cox); and “Someone on the PCC had suggested that the new baptism service was a bit too long for today’s congregations, especially those unaccustomed to attending church services. The ‘old hands’ seem to have larger capacity for concentration and, er. . .” (Mary Roe).

Reflecting different church traditions, we had: “A pictorial representation of Paul’s well-known exhortation was lost on many members of the congregation” (Barney Leeke, with Bible references: 1 Corinthians 12.13, Galatians 3.28); and “The new churchwarden had not quite got the significance of doing ablutions in the piscina” (Mark Hayter).

It might all have been a mistake: “A lack of agreement on the choice of font resulted in the new signage consisting only of symbols. The unfortunate lack of an arrow resulted in some puzzled expressions” (Derek Hollis); “I said to put the sign to the new toilets near the front, not the font” (Daphne) Foster; “The choice of sign to show the inclusiveness of baptism perhaps needs reconsideration” (Chris Coupe) — or perhaps a deliberate mistake: “It seems the ‘mind the step’ sign had been swapped by the youth group” (Chris Coupe).

We especially liked: “By law we have to provide facilities equally accessible for people with or without disabilities. They don’t have to be very accessible, just equally so” (Valerie Budd); “Now wash away your sins” (Clair Jaquiss); “Trying to improve the church signage, they experimented with several different fonts” (Tom Corfield); “St Agnant’s lavatory had been restored in the Gothic Perpendicular style” (George Frost); and “Goodness knows what sign had been put near the toilets” (Chris Coupe).

There were two winners again this week. Each will receive fair-trade chocolate courtesy of Divine (www.divinechocolate.org).

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