Have a go at our next caption-competition picture
(above). Entries must reach us by Friday 16 May.
by email to:
captioncompetition@churchtimes.co.uk
by post (postcards only) to: Caption
Competition, Church Times, 3rd floor Invicta House , 108-114
Golden Lane, London EC1Y 0TG
by fax to: 020 7490 7093
A MODEL of Pope Francis in chocolate seemed a fitting photo for
our Easter caption competition. It looked, as Chris Coupe
suggested, "like a chocolate chip off the old
block".
Passing over the sizeist jokes - "Friar Tuck. . . So who
have you come as?" (Richard Wood) - we had:
"Pope Francis could already feel his troubles melting
away" (Richard Hough); "We're hoping to arrange a
visit by the chocolate Archbishop of Canterbury, at which point
we'll finally have found a use for a chocolate teapot"
(Tom Brazier); "Pope Francis tries to hide his
disappointment that he, unlike the rest of the Vatican, hadn't been
sent a Cadbury's Creme Egg" (Peter Chapman); and
"'So what's the potential here for taking the occasional
Sunday off?' mused Pope Francis" (Maree Foster).
There were the inevitable dirty jokes: "I told you not
to swim in the Tiber" (Sandy McCulloch); "I told
the laundrette to use bleach'' (Peter Walker);
"Yes, Holy Father, unfortunately Cardinal Abategiovanni was
standing very close to the fan when the latest scandal
broke" (Nicholas Varnon - we shouldn't like it, but we
do); and "Don't worry, Your Holiness, there's nothing a
nice coat of whitewash can't put right" (John Saxbee).
A couple of hopeful product-placement entries: "The
statue was carved from fairly traded chocolate, but would His
Holiness dispense with the requirement for a second miracle before
proclaiming it to be Divine?" (Charles Taylor);
"And this, Your Eminence, is the vestment sponsored and
kindly donated by Divine Chocolate" (Nicholas Varnon);
"Ah, Divine providence!" (Sue Chick); and
"Now that's what I call Di-vine Chocolate" (George
Frost).Now that's what we call desper-ate.
For some reason, the sight of all that chocolate sent readers
into orbit: "The Vatican Astronomer discovered a portal to
the parallel anti-matter universe, but who was who's Holy
Father?" (Tim Edge); "I've always wanted to meet
Darth Vader" (Paul Brice); "The first meeting
between His Holiness and the Intergalactic Astroarch of the Jedi
would raise some interesting theological issues" (Edward
Mynors); and "There was absolutely no way Pope Francis was
going to be tempted to the dark side" (Christopher
Tookey).
Maybe it wasn't chocolate after all: "The prototype of
the Vatican's proposed Terracotta Army was not very
flattering" (Richard Martin); and "I always
thought I had feet of clay" (Vivien Moores).
All these were highly commended. Among our particular favourites
were: "No, I don't think the Ordinariate needs to be quite
that distinctive" (John Macpherson); "The
interfaith meeting with the Anti-Pope was always going to be
tense" (Andrew Barton); "The Pope paused and
wondered where to start. It was the old jelly-baby conundrum again,
only on a bigger scale" (Richard Lamey); and two from
Jonnie Parkin: "Unveiled: the new Coco Pops advertising
campaign" and "You are Peter, and upon this choc I
will build my rurch".
The prize has once again been donated by Divine (divinechocolate.com). It isn't as well
sculpted, or, let's face it, as large; but it is Fairtrade.
"I believe, Holiness, that next month he's sculpting
Justin Welby from fudge"
Doug Chaplin