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Caption Competition

05 December 2014


Next week's competition

Have a go at our next caption-competition picture (above). Entries must reach us by Friday 12 December.

by email to: captioncompetition@churchtimes.co.uk

by post (postcards only) to:
Caption Competition
Church Times
3rd floor
Invicta House  
108-114 Golden Lane
London EC1Y 0TG

by fax to: 020 7490 7093

Last week's competition

THERE was a large postbag for our caption competition photo of the Bishop of Worcester. There's clearly something about a senior cleric and a sledgehammer which our readers recognise.

A few random entries to start: "The bishop's seminar on negotiation skills didn't go down well" (Chris Smedley); "My Lord, have you considered the alternative of simply marching round it seven times blowing a trumpet?" (John Swanson); "I take a robust approach to installations" (Janet Stockton); and "Nobody realised that the Bishop had come to the wrong door for his enthronement" (Christopher Tookey).

Beware innovation: "Rather than use his pastoral staff, the Bishop decided to follow the guidelines laid down by Fresh Expressions" (John Radford); "After some hesitation, the Bishop reluctantly agreed to follow the new Common Worship informal liturgy for entering the cathedral for his enthronement" (David Nash); "Not fully grasping the idea of Messy Church, the Bishop decided to take the sign outside literally" (Alex French); and "I'll show them what a really Messy Church looks like" (Don Manley).

After Messy Church, Tough Church: "The diocese had ways of 'encouraging' PCCs to pay their parish share promptly" (David Sparkes); "Had the Bishop appointed a priest-in-charge, he would not have needed such drastic measures to repossess the freehold" (Graham Smith); and "I'll show you how to hit targets" (Dennis Garland).

There were cultural references galore: "Behold, I stand at the door and bash" (Jimmy Hamilton-Brown); "Heeere's Bishop Johnny!" (Doug Chaplin); and "Bob the Bishop blesses the new Anger Management Chapel" (Richard Barnes).

Women bishops were bound to appear: "Women clergy have broken through the glass ceiling - now let's show what the men can do" (John Saxbee); "Following the breaking of the stained-glass ceiling, it was time to start work on the plate-glass door" (John Radford); "No, Bishop, we said the ceiling. . ." (Colin Chettle); and "A last-ditch attempt to convey that only real men can fill this job was in vain" (Jonathan Haigh).

Then there was the approach to regulation: "Do I need a Faculty for this?" and "For a split second, the Bishop wondered if DAC approval had been granted" (both Chris Coupe); "Some think the Faculty Simplification Legislation has been a sledgehammer to crack a nut" (Matthew Chinery); and "Faculty this!" (James Pacey).

A few more at random: "Bishop John hoped he had found a way to get people to understand that building the Church was not about buildings" (Roger Knight); "Knock and the door will be opened to you, John. . ." (Vicky Lundberg); "Despite re-reading both Matthew 7.7 and Luke 11.9, the Bishop realised he had a serious crisis of faith" (Ted Harrison); "Bish bash bosh" (Roger Holland); "At General Synod, the Bishop had a reputation for wreck- ing amendments" (Alexander Faludy); and "The Defenestration of Worcester" (David Wilbourne).

Another theme: "Somebody had forgotten his keys to Church House that morning" (Alexander Faludy); "Yet again, the Bishop had been denied the keys to the diocesan office" (Simon Jones); and "O Key of David, which the churchwarden hath lost and which no man can find" (John Radford).

Among our favourites: "On a cold, grey Friday in Leighton Buzzard, the Dissolution of the Community Centres had begun" (Corin Child); "This wasn't the 'break in the service for personal reflection' the congregation expected" (Paul Taylor); "I'll get that wasp if it's the last thing I do" (Bill de Quick); and "Having walked around the building seven times to no avail, a direct approach was taken" (Chris Coupe).

We'll allow two puns: "Next, the Bishop of Worcester planned to take the door off its 'Inges" (Alexander Faludy); and "The purple stock gave him away, and the act of vandalism was quickly traced to its Worcester source" (Tom Corfield). There is another among the three winners, each of whom will receive Fairtrade chocolate, kindly supplied by Divine (divinechocolate.com).


As the Bishop always said, croziers are for wimps
Diana Jones 

The Bishop's strengths included contributions to Thor for the Day
John Appleby

Among his interests he listed Extreme Croquet
Richard Barnes

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