Next week's competition
Have a go at our next caption-competition
picture (above). Entries must reach us by Friday
by email to:
by post (postcards only) to:
108-114 Golden Lane
London EC1Y 0TG
by fax to: 020 7490 7093
Last week's competition
THERE was a large postbag for our caption competition photo of
the Bishop of Worcester. There's clearly something about a senior
cleric and a sledgehammer which our readers recognise.
A few random entries to start: "The bishop's seminar on
negotiation skills didn't go down well" (Chris Smedley);
"My Lord, have you considered the alternative of simply
marching round it seven times blowing a trumpet?" (John
Swanson); "I take a robust approach to
installations" (Janet Stockton); and "Nobody
realised that the Bishop had come to the wrong door for his
enthronement" (Christopher Tookey).
Beware innovation: "Rather than use his pastoral staff,
the Bishop decided to follow the guidelines laid down by Fresh
Expressions" (John Radford); "After some
hesitation, the Bishop reluctantly agreed to follow the new
Common Worship informal liturgy for entering the cathedral
for his enthronement" (David Nash); "Not fully
grasping the idea of Messy Church, the Bishop decided to take the
sign outside literally" (Alex French); and "I'll
show them what a really Messy Church looks
like" (Don Manley).
After Messy Church, Tough Church: "The diocese had ways
of 'encouraging' PCCs to pay their parish share promptly"
(David Sparkes); "Had the Bishop appointed a
priest-in-charge, he would not have needed such drastic measures to
repossess the freehold" (Graham Smith); and "I'll
show you how to hit targets" (Dennis Garland).
There were cultural references galore: "Behold, I stand
at the door and bash" (Jimmy Hamilton-Brown);
"Heeere's Bishop Johnny!" (Doug Chaplin); and
"Bob the Bishop blesses the new Anger Management
Chapel" (Richard Barnes).
Women bishops were bound to appear: "Women clergy have
broken through the glass ceiling - now let's show what the men can
do" (John Saxbee); "Following the breaking of the
stained-glass ceiling, it was time to start work on the plate-glass
door" (John Radford); "No, Bishop, we said the
ceiling. . ." (Colin Chettle); and "A last-ditch
attempt to convey that only real men can fill this job was in
vain" (Jonathan Haigh).
Then there was the approach to regulation: "Do I need a
Faculty for this?" and "For a split second, the
Bishop wondered if DAC approval had been granted" (both
Chris Coupe); "Some think the Faculty Simplification
Legislation has been a sledgehammer to crack a nut"
(Matthew Chinery); and "Faculty this!" (James
A few more at random: "Bishop John hoped he had found a
way to get people to understand that building the Church was not
about buildings" (Roger Knight); "Knock and the
door will be opened to you, John. . ." (Vicky
Lundberg); "Despite re-reading both Matthew 7.7 and Luke
11.9, the Bishop realised he had a serious crisis of
faith" (Ted Harrison); "Bish bash bosh"
(Roger Holland); "At General Synod, the Bishop had a
reputation for wreck- ing amendments" (Alexander Faludy);
and "The Defenestration of Worcester" (David
Another theme: "Somebody had forgotten his keys to
Church House that morning" (Alexander Faludy);
"Yet again, the Bishop had been denied the keys to the
diocesan office" (Simon Jones); and "O Key of
David, which the churchwarden hath lost and which no man can
find" (John Radford).
Among our favourites: "On a cold, grey Friday in
Leighton Buzzard, the Dissolution of the Community Centres had
begun" (Corin Child); "This wasn't the 'break in
the service for personal reflection' the congregation
expected" (Paul Taylor); "I'll get that wasp if
it's the last thing I do" (Bill de Quick); and
"Having walked around the building seven times to no avail,
a direct approach was taken" (Chris Coupe).
We'll allow two puns: "Next, the Bishop of Worcester
planned to take the door off its 'Inges" (Alexander
Faludy); and "The purple stock gave him away, and the act
of vandalism was quickly traced to its Worcester source"
(Tom Corfield). There is another among the three winners, each of
whom will receive Fairtrade chocolate, kindly supplied by Divine
As the Bishop always said, croziers are for wimps
The Bishop's strengths included contributions to
Thor for the Day
Among his interests he listed Extreme Croquet