Our next competition

Have a go at our next caption-competition picture (above). Entries must reach us by Friday 3 October.

by email to: captioncompetition@churchtimes.co.uk

by post (postcards only) to: Caption Competition, Church Times,  3rd floor, Invicta House, 108-114 Golden Lane, London EC1Y 0TG

by fax to: 020 7490 7093

Our last competition

READERS will be relieved to hear that no drivers were harmed in the production of this caption-competition photo, sent in by a reader, although the elderly driver was reportedly a little disorientated, not least when he, an Orthodox Jew, was led into the church to recover.

There were some lively entries: "The row over church parking was escalating" (Sr Therese OJN); "The drive-through service was obviously not being held at St Paul's this week" (Daphne Foster); "SEAThamba - We are parking in the light of God" (Richard Barnes); and "Just too late, Flo noticed that the new Vicar had moved the gateposts" (Brian Stevenson).

Time to get the puns out of the way: "As the sermon reached its climax, the Vicar got ready to drive his point home" (Anne Stewart); "Is this example of parking a car-denial sin?" (Lesley Ennis); and "The wedding photographer always succeeded in securing pole position" (John Sullivan).

Richard Hough, among others, assumed that the driver was clerical: "The Vicar made his usual protest about the PCC not allocating him a parking space in the church forecourt"; and "After getting close to the notice board to make quite sure that he had come to the right church, the visiting preacher realised that he needed another eye test".

The satnav section: "You have now reached your destination" (Rick Thompson); "The satnav's proven accuracy of 'to within ten yards' still proved inadequate" (Mike Butterworth); and "If only the speaker on Thought for the Day hadn't sounded like Jim's satnav when he said 'Now let us turn to God'" (Ray Morris).

More randomly: "Perhaps Mavis was taking her favourite hymn, 'Nearer, my God, to thee', rather too literally" (Michael Foster); "The 90-degree rotational error in Kevin's bifocals was disastrous" (Mike Butterworth); "Enter through the narrow gate. Only a few find it" (Philip Evans); "As long as she was willing to play the organ, the Vicar would forgive her unorthodox parking" (Edward Mynors).

Among our favourites: "The PCC's communications team was as surprised as anyone at the magnetic effect of the new noticeboard" (John Sullivan); "Jehu always arrived at the last minute" (Monica Pickering); "The Vicar carefully parked his car and popped a Tic Tac before taking his sixth eucharist of the day" (Kim Fabricius); and "You and your car need a service, sir" (William Petts).

We fell for two entries this week, each deserving a prize of Fairtrade chocolate kindly donated by Divine, divinechocolate.com 

"St Paul's was noted for its Late  Perpendicular parking"
(Richard Barnes)

"St Paul's, eh? So let's go with: 'You see,  Officer, I was on the road, and suddenly   this blinding light . . .'"
(John Saxbee)