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Caption Competition

25 July 2014


THE photo in our last caption competition was not, perhaps, of the best quality, but it prompted some great replies.

"It wasn't only the bellringers who were dismayed when they found that the Worship Committee really did want less elaborate services" (Sue Chick); "Looking around his congregation, the vicar had often wondered where God was" (Alison Rollin); "'Ah', said the Archbishop, 'I knew we had it somewhere'" (George Frost); and "The vicar realised that there had been something missing in his recent sermons" (Richard Hough).

Several readers sent in a couple of entries: Chris Coupe sent: "People obviously sit at the back of church so they can be closer to God," and "Hopefully God surrounded by Christmas decorations wasn't indicative of a one-season theology"; and Richard Barnes sent: "Nowadays God moves in less mysterious ways; in cardboard boxes like the rest of us," and "The words 'The' and 'Delusion' had miraculously disappeared from Professor Dawkins's literary archive." Jonathan Jeffery maybe should have stopped at just one entry: "The new committal from the Good Funeral Project seemed rather radical"; but he had to go and add (with apologies to George Herbert): "Tea-chest my God and King, in all things thee to see." Honestly!

You always get some people who look at things the other way round: "The new dyslexic Director of Guiding caused utter confusion in the diocesan sorting office" (Graeme Hely); "And this is the box the dyslexic puppy came in" (Neil Inkley); and "The dyslexic puppy-trainer felt 'Kennel Club' was too difficult to spell" (Hazel Butland). We also liked: "No doubt there would have been a queue for the audition if the director had remembered the second sheet, which read 'IVA'" (Ray Morris).

In the cynics corner: "Ah, there's your box until next Sunday. In you go. . . Lock it please, verger" (William Petts); "They only opened the box on Sundays" (Alison Rollin); "Well, that's the service over, and God back in his box for another week. On we go with real life" (Vicky Lundberg).

A few more at random: "The vestry spring-clean clearance revealed some mysterious 'dust gatherers'" (Peter Sebbage); "The unlabelled ones are for the holy mysteries" (M. J. Leppard); "I told you the box would be too small" (Mary Lee); and "When she turned out the vestry, Margery was amazed, as she thought she'd found the God particle - and it was in a labelled box!" (Sue Chick).

We particularly liked: "Everyone was quick to do the vicar's bidding; so it was unfortunate that his intended words, 'For the holy glory of God' came out as 'God for the glory hole'" (Alison Rollin); "John was careful this time. He didn't want to misplace his faith" (George Frost); "Ah! The Christmas box!" (Paula Spalding); "The church was waiting for the Holy Spirit to move" (Hazel Butland); and "Your quest for the Archive of the Covenant is nearing its end. Now, Father Jones, you must choose wisely" (Donald Wetherick).

There were two winners of fair trade chocolate, kindly donated by Divine (divinechocolate.com), one charmingly simple, the other more knowing.


Entries for our next caption-competition picture, the Bishop of Burnley on retirement (above),must reach us by Friday 8 August.

by email





by post (postcards only)


Caption Competition

  Church Times

3rd floor

Invicta House  

108-114 Golden Lane  London EC1Y 0TG




During the move Mary found God.

George Frost


The Archdeacon had to tell Fr Kevin there was no way he was going to get a faculty for his DIY aumbry.

Peter Potter



Thu 26 May @ 05:06
“Its recommendations are bold, ambitious, and comprehensive, and there is much to welcome, especially the emphasis… https://t.co/XMBDRDBmPG

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