THE photo in our last caption competition was not, perhaps, of
the best quality, but it prompted some great replies.
"It wasn't only the bellringers who were dismayed when
they found that the Worship Committee really did want less
elaborate services" (Sue Chick); "Looking around
his congregation, the vicar had often wondered where God
was" (Alison Rollin); "'Ah', said the Archbishop,
'I knew we had it somewhere'" (George Frost); and
"The vicar realised that there had been something missing
in his recent sermons" (Richard Hough).
Several readers sent in a couple of entries: Chris Coupe sent:
"People obviously sit at the back of church so they can be
closer to God," and "Hopefully God surrounded by
Christmas decorations wasn't indicative of a one-season
theology"; and Richard Barnes sent: "Nowadays God
moves in less mysterious ways; in cardboard boxes like the rest of
us," and "The words 'The' and 'Delusion' had
miraculously disappeared from Professor Dawkins's literary
archive." Jonathan Jeffery maybe should have stopped at
just one entry: "The new committal from the Good Funeral
Project seemed rather radical"; but he had to go and add
(with apologies to George Herbert): "Tea-chest my God and
King, in all things thee to see." Honestly!
You always get some people who look at things the other way
round: "The new dyslexic Director of Guiding caused utter
confusion in the diocesan sorting office" (Graeme Hely);
"And this is the box the dyslexic puppy came in"
(Neil Inkley); and "The dyslexic puppy-trainer felt 'Kennel
Club' was too difficult to spell" (Hazel Butland). We also
liked: "No doubt there would have been a queue for the
audition if the director had remembered the second sheet, which
read 'IVA'" (Ray Morris).
In the cynics corner: "Ah, there's your box until next
Sunday. In you go. . . Lock it please, verger" (William
Petts); "They only opened the box on Sundays"
(Alison Rollin); "Well, that's the service over, and God
back in his box for another week. On we go with real life"
A few more at random: "The vestry spring-clean clearance
revealed some mysterious 'dust gatherers'" (Peter
Sebbage); "The unlabelled ones are for the holy
mysteries" (M. J. Leppard); "I told you the box
would be too small" (Mary Lee); and "When she
turned out the vestry, Margery was amazed, as she thought she'd
found the God particle - and it was in a labelled box!"
We particularly liked: "Everyone was quick to do the
vicar's bidding; so it was unfortunate that his intended words,
'For the holy glory of God' came out as 'God for the glory
hole'" (Alison Rollin); "John was careful this
time. He didn't want to misplace his faith" (George
Frost); "Ah! The Christmas box!" (Paula Spalding);
"The church was waiting for the Holy Spirit to
move" (Hazel Butland); and "Your quest for the
Archive of the Covenant is nearing its end. Now, Father Jones, you
must choose wisely" (Donald Wetherick).
There were two winners of fair trade chocolate, kindly donated
by Divine (divinechocolate.com), one charmingly simple, the other
Entries for our next caption-competition picture, the Bishop of
Burnley on retirement (above),must reach us by Friday 8
by post (postcards only)
108-114 Golden Lane London EC1Y 0TG
During the move Mary found God.
The Archdeacon had to tell Fr Kevin there was no way he
was going to get a faculty for his DIY aumbry.